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OMG the screaming is pushing me over the edge. What can I do?

(13 Posts)
HumphreyCobbler Wed 12-Aug-09 11:54:07

My ds is 2.6. For the last three days all he has done is scream about absolutely anything. He might run up to me and ask for a biscuit, I will say yes and go to get him one whereupon he will scream at the top of his lungs (he has an exceptionally loud voice too, people are always commenting on it), only stopping when he sees the bicuit. He probably would have flung himself on the floor by this point as well. Repeat about everything.

I try not to give him things in response to screaming, but the situation often gets confused as in the above example, when he HAS actually asked for something. I say firmly that I don't want him to make that noise, that it is a nasty noise, that no-one else wants to hear it. I remind him about asking in an inside voice, and to use WORDS etc etc. It is not changing his behavior.

It got to the point yesterday that I felt physically ill every time I heard it. I lost my temper and started shouting "Stop that screaming" possibly one of my most stupid parenting moments.

My ten month dd invariably starts crying through fear at all the noise too. It is grim.

Any ideas? Sorry it is so long.

LeninGrad Wed 12-Aug-09 12:39:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flower3545 Wed 12-Aug-09 12:43:28

When he starts screaming do you still give him the biscuit, I'd be tempted to say "no screaming or the biscuit goes back"

truthisinthewine Wed 12-Aug-09 12:47:58

In above situation I would def not give the biscuit whilst he was screaming, just put it away as soon as he starts, tell him he can have it when he is calm again, walk away and ignore the (inevitable) screaming fit that then occurs.

My 2.10 year DD can be very noisy and has/does kick off about the most minor things so much sympathy on the noise driving you mad.

lizziemun Wed 12-Aug-09 13:12:11

I agree with flower, he doesn't get what he asking for until behaves.

I started to do this with dd2 nearly 2 but she has a very vocabary (sp) and understands exactly what i'm saying.

When she starts with screaming and throwing herself to the floor I'll tell i will do/get xxx when she is ready to stop doing yyy.

When she sorts herself out I explain why i didn't do what she wanted because of her behaviour then i ask her to say sorry then i get what she asked for.

I been doing it for a couple of weeks and we are seeing a big difference.

MorePudding Wed 12-Aug-09 13:26:53

Poor you, sounds like you're going through a really tough time. When I reach the end of my tether and feel like I might end up shouting, I give myself time out either in a different room or even in the garden. I think sometimes when you're up to your ears in a situation you need a bit of distance and perspective. Then it gives you a bit of time to think of the right thing to say and do. If my dcs won't calm down, they have to go to their room to calm down. And they certainly don't get anything until they behave properly.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 12-Aug-09 14:47:29

Thank you all your input. I feel better just by reading your replies!

I do agree that I should not give in and reward the screaming, I just find I am not always strong enough blush I will however try to be more consistant.

His language is not advanced and he is not a compliant child - I notice that ten month old dd already sits down in the bath when I tell her to, while ds has never ever done as he as asked unless he wanted to. It is very wearing having such a wilful child but I normally manage with distraction and encouragement. I explain and explain that actions have consequences (but in simpler language) but he is simply not hearing me.

We have been removing him to his cot as a consequence for throwing, which is dangerous and I am not prepared to tolerate it, but am finding that he simply does not calm down in the time I am willing to leave a two year old for - in fact the one time I left him for longer he simply carried on screaming sad

Perhaps his lung capacity means he has a future as an opera singer hmm

Thanks for the advice and sympathy!

OnlyWantsOne Wed 12-Aug-09 14:49:34

MY DD of the same age does the creaming thing too - shes been a night mare for two days - she looses it and flips at every thing, I just carry her into another room and turn and leave. I have explained to her that if she wants me to help her/ play with her then she has to ask in a nice voice and not scream all the time.

It takes about 40 seconds for her to realise that im not watching her and she comes and finds me and says sorry..

HumphreyCobbler Wed 12-Aug-09 14:51:42

I am glad I am not the only one going though it, but ds just keeps on screaming if someone is watching him or not sad

I think lack of sleep is getting me down, dd is cutting four teeth atm!

HumphreyCobbler Wed 12-Aug-09 14:54:52

sorry I should have said

I am reassured that I am not the only one going through it, I am certainly not glad your dd is screaming too blush

OnlyWantsOne Wed 12-Aug-09 14:56:38

can you get some one to step in and give you a couple of hours off just to de child and be relaxed?

It will help so much because I bet DS is feeding off the tired / stressed vibes in the house

HumphreyCobbler Wed 12-Aug-09 15:01:50

Yes, my sister and her children are coming to stay so I will have three people around to take the stress out of the situation. I think you are completely right about the stress vibes.

OmicronPersei8 Wed 12-Aug-09 15:11:17

DD did this / does this - but now she understands that she needs to calm down / stop screaming before I'll talk to her - she then comes up to me and says 'look mummy, I stopped shouting'.

I found a) walking away from the screaming helped and b) saying whatever it was she wanted back to her ('I want a biscuit': 'you want a biscuit') seemmed to calm her a little - it didn't mean she got it, just that she knew I'd heard her.

I found How to Talk to Kids so they Listen and Listen so they Talk very helpful with this. The book has this 'granting their wish in fantasy' thing, so I'd say 'yes, wouldn't it be great to have a biscuit, imagine if you had one as big as a plate, it would be so huge you'd have to eat it like this, wouldn't it be funny etc, followed by, 'if only we had giant biscuits, but we've got none! No biscuits at all'.

In all honesty though, I bet she's mostly got better as she's got older and matured a tiny bit (she's 3.4 now).

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