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Problems Bonding

(4 Posts)
Tyniclogs Tue 11-Aug-09 22:25:20

I'm not really after any advice as I know I'm exhausted and this phase will pass. I just have no-one around to talk to and just need to tell someone how I'm feeling.

My DS is 6 weeks old and we've just returned from hospital where he had Bacterial Meninigitis, we were on a ward for seven days. During this time he had to have a huge amount of horrible injections in order to get the antibiotics into him. I lived with him in a tiny room on a put you up bed. The antibiotics gave him a really sore bottom and this made him scream lots. We're home now but having to go to the hospital each night to have the antibiotics for another 2 weeks. I'm incredibly grateful that they caught the menigitis very early and he should suffer no after effects.

I'm having problems now because my DS is wanting to constantly feed or be held and I am finding it so hard. I'm desperately trying to continue breasfeeding but have had to give formula at times due to tiredness and the hospital visits. I have another DS who's 2.5 and he's been really affected by this time and the stay in hospital I had for the c-section. I feel such a rubbish mum as I have no time for my eldest and he's just watching telly all day. I feel I've distanced myself from the baby and seem to feel angry and resentful of him rather than loving and caring, I know I'm angry at what's happened (even though I should be grateful). It's so hard.

Today has been my second day on my own with them both as my MIL had to go home and my husband is back at work.

Sorry to moan I just needed to share it with people who've been there with a screaming baby feeling like you can't go on another minute, but yet you do.

IsItMeOr Tue 11-Aug-09 22:30:00

Couldn't not post Tyniclogs. You have really been through the mill, and it sounds like you are doing a brilliant job.

It is so hard even when everything goes to plan with a baby, and even when you only have the one (my current experience). I can really understand why you're worried about your older DS. Can you arrange for DH to make a special effort to give him attention, and to take DS2 sometimes so DS1 can get some mummy time?

Moan all you like - that's what we're here for!

Tyniclogs Tue 11-Aug-09 22:57:01

Thanks for that, am feeling a bit better after a glass of wine and a quiet sit down. I'm allowing myself a little bit of a wallow and then I shall crack on with the night shift! I'm lucky my DH has been brilliant and does a huge amount.

loler Tue 11-Aug-09 23:07:32

I felt very much like you when my ds1 was born and I had an easy birth and a well baby. I think it's completely normal for you to take a while longer to bond with a second dc as up until the moment dc2 is born your whole world revolves around dc1.

Give it a while - you must be exhausted and your hormones must be all over the place. Be kind to yourself the bonding will happen eventually and it will catch you by surprise.

Congratulations on ds2.

(that said I have managed to unbond with ds1 now age 4 and in need of major improvements - but that's a whole other thread!)

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