Is there much difference having a 2 year age gap between children, or a 2 and a half one?(16 Posts)
We aer thinking about having a fourth and I have a 3 year age gap (actually one month less than 3 years) between ds1 and ds2 and a 4 year age gap between ds2 and ds3. Time is getting one for me age wise so we can't wait that long this time. If yor age gap is going to be small, does it make a difference if it is 2 years or 2 and a half years? Does that extra half year make much of a difference?
But how will we know? unless there are people with both gaps, in which case their context will be that of having 3 or 4 children...
fwiw, my feeling is that it is likely to be easier the bigger gap there is - more likely to be potty trained, easier to communicate with etc. I have a 2 yr gap and found it hard (and I didn't have two older children either!!) Suspect it also depends on characters of the children too. And of course the closer the gap the earlier they start to play together. My boys are really close (they are 7 and 5 now). tbh though I am always astounded that people think they can plan these things to the nearest month - having had fertility issues that is something I've never experienced!
Maybe not many people have experience of both!
I have 2 years & 6 weeks between my two & it worked quite well - though if DS had been a bit older I might have done wtthout a double pushchair - the wheels kept breaking on mine & I finally abandoned it when DS was about 2.5 & he walked everywhere after that.
Are you going to be able to time it that exactly anyway?
Thanks. I know I can't plan it to the month. In fact , with ds2 we started trying thinking it would take us a while and I got pg first month! Ds3 was a sort of accident so I guess my fertility is good. I don;t mind if it takes longer, but in case it happens right away, I don't want to start too early on the assumption it will take a while.
I wondered about the pushchair thing. I use a sling exclusively for the first 6 months, but then tend to use a puschaire sometimes after that. So, I was thinking that leaving it longer would mean I definatletly would not need a pushchair.
I don't think 2 or 2 and a half would be all that different.I have a 2 and a quarter gap,it has been fine,they are very close,but that is more due to temperment than the gap probably.I think the general advice is before two or after three is easiest and with my dd2 I can see why as she is 2 and 3m and she would be very hard work if I had a new baby now,whereas dd1 was only a month and a half older and she was a darling to her new baby sister.
I don't know, because I only have two DDs and we have a 2 year gap. The minus sides for me were that there was only a short time in between breastfeeding DD1 and being pregnant with DD2 - so I feel as though I have been on the reproducing treadmill for a while. I also have babies that don't sleep throught the night well, so again there wasn't really time to catch up before I was into pregnancy-related insomnia. And I have pretty rough pregnancies, so poor DD1 had to deal with the issues from a new sibling right from the start of my pregnancy. And the SPD meant that I couldn't lift her much at the end. But of course, a lot of those things might not apply to you.
The big plus is that DD2 isn't a year old yet and already they are interacting and enjoying each other's company. I am hoping that as they are the same gender too that they will have similar interests as they grow up, and have a better chance at being friends. It also maximises the benefit of me giving up work to become a SAHM.
I have managed to avoid the dreaded (to me) double pushchair by using a pushchair and baby carrier at first, and now a pushchair and buggy board, by the way.
I also agree with everyone else that timing a pregnancy to within 6 months isn't always easy, and it might be better just to get on with it.
I have a 20 month gap mand can tell you it was very hard! The advantages to it being slightly longer?
2 and a half more likely to be potty trained or close to it
Less likely to need a double buggy
2 1/2 year old can do stairs(ish)-or at least doesn't need carrying, just supervising.
But, if you're broody, I'd say just get on with it! We waited before ttc number 3, and now we're having problems. Go for it while you can I say!
My dd1 was exactly 2 and a half (to the week) when I had dd2 9 months ago. So far it is working well. They get on really well and dd2 finds dd1 very entertaining.
DD1 was becoming more independent by the end of my pregnancy with dd2 - potty trained, walking rather than buggy a lot of time, less need to be carried etc. and she understood very well what was happening. She is starting pre-school soon so I am now looking forward to some time alone with dd2 in the morings. Perfect age gap in my opinion
"Perfect age gap in my opinion"
I am liking that suiledonn. That's what I will have when DC2 comes along in Oct/Nov! Althought am not sure DS will be potty trained then! We are currently trying, though.
Gateau - my dd1 was born in May and DD2 in November. Sounds like you will have similar. I found having dd2 as a small baby in winter was good - not so much pressure to be out and about too soon. Lots of cosy days in front of the fire reading, doing puzzles and watching tv with dd1 with dd2 sleeping in her pram.
Best of luck.
My friend had her second when 1st LO was just under 2 years, and she has really struggled as her 2 yr old wasn't sleeping when new baby was born. she also had little to no support from her DH.
My DC2 is due in 5 weeks (yikes !) and DS will be 2.6 months. He's fully toilet trained, can lay the table, dry most nights, can climb onto the loo himself, climbs into the carseat himself and walks everywhere. So all in all I'm glad we left it that little bit longer as I think it will be much easier, although I was jealous of her at first ! Bfeeding through pregnancy was agonising for both of us though so again I'm glad I left it that bit longer as DS is weaned now, but I know he got the best part of 2 yrs bmilk. (although he may have a feeding frenzy when DC2 is born !)
On the other hand, I can see my friends kids being really close when they're older and probably playing together more.
I have 5 children. Some have less than 2 years between them and some have bigger gaps.
I would say the advantages of small gaps is that the children are much closer, can play together and interact more as they get older. the period of sleepless nights, chaos, etc is shorter.
the disadvantage is that it is harder on you. you may have 2 in nappies. a double pushchair and your body may not recover.
Overall I prefer to have smaller gaps, as I like to see the children playing together, and, in the long run, that makes it easier on me!
Reassuring, suiledonn. Thank you!
I too have thought of cosy winter days snuggled up in the house with baby and DS. Well, that's the idea anyway!
I can't see it would make any difference. If you mean will it be easier if you wait a bit longer then doesn't that depend on your children, one of which you don't know yet. Only you know if your DC's are ready for a brother or sister yet, if it will fit with their needs and routine.
And regarding their relationships with younger siblings I think age has nothing to do with it. I'm the oldest of seven. There is 2 years between me and my oldest brother, and 12 years between me and my youngest brother. MY relationship with each one depends on their personalities, and a lot to with how we were raised.(the younger ones have it a lot different to what I did).
If you and DH want a baby, are able to meet the needs of that child and it's the right time for you, why not? Six months will not matter.
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