My 4.5 year son is driving me fecking nuts

[Boobalina]

He is DS1 and I have a 22mo DD. I love him to bits generally and he is a very bright and linguistically clever little boy and when he is not being a pain in the bum, has a great deal of empathy for his age.

However (big draw of breath)for the last 2 weeks he is totally doing my head him - not listening to me, not doing what he is told, then when told off, nonchalently saying 'ok, ok' and then doing said naughty thing again. Then he will have days of being really demanding, having massive toddler style tantrums etc. reverting back to toddler behaviour - pretending he cant put his shoes on, wont eat food properly etc.

After 2 solids weeks of him being really (I mean really) naughty I smacked his bum really hard today. And I have taken his bed time bear away also - all with lots and lots of warniong if he carried on with his behavoiur this was the final straw. I have done sticker charts,naughty step, taking toys away, up to his room, ignoring him....

So now I am a bad mother who cant control her son all of a sudden. My DH keeps implying its all my fault and we need to 'talk' about our parenting of him. Part of me thinks he is so ready for school next month and also a growth spurt?

Suggestions please....

[ConnorTraceptive]

I also have a 4 year old ds and an 18 month old. I have to say that as the baby has got older I have seen ds revert back to some toddlerish ways, in particular not being able to put shoes on and not eating properly in a way it's almost like he's copying his little brother than the other way round!

Particularly with the food, ds2 has just started self feeding and obviously makes lots of mess gets it all round his face, cue lots of laughter from me and dh. Then ds1 start smearing food round his face and letting it fall out his mouth all the time. Poor thing must be confused as to why it's not funny when he does it!

I've found it really frustrating but have tried to make some allowance that maybe he is attention seeking by copying what his little brother does.

[ConnorTraceptive]

Oh it is very unfair of your dh to imply it is your fault!

[WaitingForVino]

erm, just sympathy I'm afraid - come see my thread! My DS and yours should have a play - ha ha!

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/804223-regret-having-kids my thread

[DEMissmiling]

Puts hand into air and says i've got one of those too.

It must be a phase thing. Apparantly boys go through a not listening/paying attention/behaviour

[Boobalina]

P.S we have been on holiday with an older (8) rather insolent naughty child there too.... copying me thinks?

[Boobalina]

Its the back chat that gets me the most - it sends me into a red rage after days of it.

[ConnorTraceptive]

Ah yes back chat we have that too. The little sod has always got to get the last word in and just doesn't know when to stop

[Boobalina]

Dont get me wrong - I do love him lots and lots and when I get really cross (this sounds - I can't think of the wrong word, sad / silly) I think about all the mums who have lost children would give their right arm to have a chance to have them back and all their challenging behaviour too.... silly I know, but it helps me rein it in a bit sometimes. Particulalry when they both spend an hour pissing about not going to sleep!

[SixtyFootDoll]

DS1 went through a similar phase at the same age
apparently boys get a testosterone surge at this age
It will stop as soon as it started.
Not your fault
Just be very consistent in your dealing with him
Good luck

[Boobalina]

Thank you 60ftdoll

[frasersmummy]

you are not alone boobalina my 4.5year ds is exactly the same.. I am at my wits end but I am hoping its just this testosterone surge I keep hearing of and it will stop pretty soon

I picked up on your point about mums who have lost their children, doesnt make us any more patient/better parents trust me. My 1st little boy was stillborn and I still get incredibly frustrated, and fed up and find myself yelling at ds2.

I do sometimes feel guilty and think I should be grateful he is here but it doesnt help me cope with bad behaviour

I guess I am trying to say dont feel guilty .. we all struggle

[SixtyFootDoll]

School helps
wears them out!

[Boobalina]

Roll on Setember then!