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I am finding it so hard to be the adult....

(21 Posts)
broguemum Fri 07-Aug-09 09:31:52

DD is 6 yo. She is bright and up to now has been thoroughly lovely although very stubborn.

She is now, however, being thoroughly vile. I am finding it so hard to remain the adult and to not respond in kind to the hands over ears blah blah blah-ing when I am talking to her, the constant demands to watch TV as soon as she gets up in the morning, the refusals to come to the table and eat dinner with me and her brother, the strops because the paddling pool is too cold etcetera etcetera.

I have snapped a few times but it doesn't help and we end up angry and upset so I am just trying to be the adult; ignoring the bad and praising the good. Unfortunately at the moment the good is pretty thin on the ground.

Are 6 year olds notorious for this sort of behaviour? Does it get better? How can I remain the adult? Gin?

Is this a case of this too will pass?

Ledodgy Fri 07-Aug-09 09:34:03

My dd was 6 in April and a lovely girl, wonderful school report telling me how lovely she is etc. However for the last few weeks she has been a nightmare, really testing the boundaries, almost doing the opposite of everything im telling her to do/not to do. I fel your pain and hope it is just an age thing.

broguemum Fri 07-Aug-09 09:41:34

Please let it be an age thing. She is so vile at the moment it is untrue.

wrinklytum Fri 07-Aug-09 09:42:12

I posted a similar thread about my 5.5 yo recently.I am hoping it is just a phase!

comewhinewithme Fri 07-Aug-09 09:45:36

Oh my 6 year old is the same ATM she was lovely then a couple of months ago she just changed .

She is willfully ignorant I will say no to something and she will just carry on.

She is sly and will do stuff to try and get her siblings into trouble .

She has also become amazing at throwing tantrums .

Feel bad for writing this as she is sat reading Peppa pig with her little sister but she is trying my patience most of the time .

I hope it passes soon.

IdrisTheDragon Fri 07-Aug-09 09:48:22

I am finding it hard to like my 5.8 DS all the time at the moment. He has got whiny, uncooperative and I feel there is role reversal with DD who is 3.10 and often seems more mature.

I too am hoping it is a phase

IdrisTheDragon Fri 07-Aug-09 09:49:28

I find it better when I do stay being the adult and take lots of deep breaths. Harder but keeps things being better.

broguemum Fri 07-Aug-09 10:08:34

Well, at least I am not alone.

I know what you mean Idris - it is harder to be the adult but the outcome is usually better.

Is there anyone out there whose child came out the other side of this phase?

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 07-Aug-09 10:32:22

Message withdrawn

broguemum Fri 07-Aug-09 10:48:49

I too hit the roof with the hands over the ears blah blah blah thing as it makes me see red. With everything else I am trying to ignore or insist on "good" behaviour.

How long did the phase last? This has been going on for a couple of weeks now and I am slowly losing the plot. Part of me would love to really lose it at her and shout and scream and generally behave like a 6 year old right back at her. I know it wouldn't work but I am sure it would feel great.

misshardbroom Fri 07-Aug-09 10:53:33

My DD is 5.11 and generally pretty good.

However, there are crunch points in the day where she gets uncooperative and so loud. We also have the odd incident of similar behaviour around meals, tidying up etc.

I know she found it really difficult to readjust to being at home for the summer holidays - she loves school and is used to being occupied all day and surrounded by her little mates.

Totally on board with shiny on this one: lots of praise for good stuff, absolute zero tolerance of any attitude. I take her out of the situation (e.g. into another room) and tell her very clearly that if she wants to behave like a toddler then she will be treated as one. Usually does the trick.

Othersideofthechannel Fri 07-Aug-09 11:00:05

Hands over ear is really annoying but you usually find a moment when they are in the mood for listening later in the day.

Of course they can really hear you when they have their hands over your ears.

Some children inc DS get too curious about what you are saying when you mouth words at them and remove their hands.

IdrisTheDragon Fri 07-Aug-09 12:17:42

Last night DS was being a pain about his supper - whining about who got their drink first and demanding that I fed him. In the end I (calmly) left the room and when I came in again he had eaten it all

BiscuitStuffer Fri 07-Aug-09 14:03:41

Doesn't this happen with 6/7 year olds? Something to do with hormone surges or something?

It's just like the terrible twos but they are bigger and have more language....

broguemum Fri 07-Aug-09 18:17:37

Well..... Just had another blah blah blah hands over ears episode and I am afraid I lost it. My voice box hurts I have shouted so loudly.

I guess it was the culmination of a bad day. If I said it was black, she said it was white, etc etc. I weakened at one point and allowed her to eat dinner in the living room at a small table in the dark (WTF?) whilst DS and I ate in the kitchen. It went downhill from then on and ended up with blah blah blah and a total freak out from me. I have told her (and I will stick to my word) that if she does it again I am giving her precious scooter away to a child that deserves it. She is sobbing now in her bedroom. I naturally feel bad but I am NOT going to tolerate this gobby little cow behaviour. I have no idea where she is getting it from.

Thank God DH is home early and has taken DS off my hands - I need a break.

misshardbroom Fri 07-Aug-09 19:08:53

oh no, sounds like it's really trying your patience, and who can blame you.

Have you made your peace now before she goes to bed?

Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow (have you got a bottle of wine in?!)

broguemum Fri 07-Aug-09 20:18:14

We have made our peace and had a good old snuggle at bedtime.

She has told me that the favourite times today were when we were not arguing and that she would try not to be so angry anymore. She is a complicated little madam. An earlier poster made a comment about missing school - well I think this could be DD's problem too.

I hope tommorrow is better.

aseriouslyblondemoment Sun 09-Aug-09 13:52:21

ohh god
my fears are finally confirmed it's def a girl thingsad
shineoncrazydiamond i am taking comfort from the fact you've come thru all this
my dd is 7
nothing seems to work with her
it's v much pushing boundaries to the v limit
what amazes me is that she knows that she won't get away with things and that i won't give in to her demands but she continues
i am consistent in dealing with her but the penny doesn't seem to drop with her like it does with her brothers
broguemum we'll get thru this somehow!
hope you're having a better weekend of itsmile

DirtyKnees Sun 09-Aug-09 16:03:54

Obviously I don't know for sure but I suspect it's patly a school holidays thing.

My 7 year old dd is getting really lippy - we're all out of routine and she's getting more tv and computer time than normal. Last night she was telling me to "wait a minute" when I said it was bedtime - um, no I don't think so! Warnings have been given about removal of a certain nintendo ds....

aseriouslyblondemoment Mon 10-Aug-09 00:13:19

dirty knees for me it's not tho can't speak for op

broguemum Mon 10-Aug-09 07:43:53

I think it is a combination of a 'let's test the boundaries' thing and school holiday-induced boredom.

Was much better yesterday - it always is over the weekend when DH is around to add an extra little something. I just find it so hard when DD weeps when DH leaves on Monday morning for work and begs that Papa stays at home and Mummy goes to work instead hmm.

<<sighs>> At least I have my niece arriving today for a whole week which should keep the little madam happy and will allow me to get some work done.

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