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boys - discrimination?

(36 Posts)
babaaa Sun 02-Aug-09 18:11:44

When i had my ds 11 years ago there seemed to be an almost anti boys culture - in the news there as stuff re boys being behind girls educationally,but also a few mothers seemed amost to pity me because i hada boy and said things to each other like - im glad ive got a girl now i can relax etc...anyone elso similar?

alardi Sun 02-Aug-09 19:59:40

I think the prejudice against boys is still pretty widespread, tbh. You hear a lot about it on MN. Few years ago I was with 2 other mums, One said to the other "Were you happy that your second child was also a girl?" and then they both went off discussing how great that was to only have daughters.
I had 2 boys then, and so mostly tuned out from their further mutual happiness hmm, although I interjected that I personally would have been disappointed to have had ONLY boys or ONLY girls. They looked at me like I was mad, of course, sigh.

funtimewincies Sun 02-Aug-09 20:14:54

I find that people presume that ds is having a tantrum because he's a boy rather than because he's a toddler. On the other hand, I think that people 'excuse' some of the more noisy behaviour because he fits their idea of what boys are like in a way that they wouldn't if he was a boisterous girl.

Also, I'm getting comments about having a quieter life if my next baby (I'm 24 weeks pg and have chosen not to find out the sex) is a girl hmm.

I think that many people still believe that parenting a boy is harder than parenting a girl. I've no idea and I had no preference or expectations.

teamcullen Sun 02-Aug-09 20:16:52

wait till their girls hit puberty. they will soon see its not all plain sailing.

The only thing easier about girls, is buying clothes. Shops are definatly predjudiced to boys when it comes to choice.

thisisyesterday Sun 02-Aug-09 20:19:06

funny the other day i started a thread on why so many people seem to ahve a preference for a girl, particularly in their first pregnancy.

I have 3 boys, and while i haven't noticed a particular anti-boy vibe people do seem to jkind of pity me a bit for not having a girl.
which is stupid bnecause actually i wanted boys so got my dream family!

people def do think that boys are more boisterous. I know a couple of people who had a quiet girl and then a boisterous boy and blame it all on gender.
but i have 2 very, very diff boys (youngest too small to tell yet!) ds1 was super quiet and sensitive, ds2 off his rocker lol, so I always point out that it's the child that is different, and nothing to do with their sex

jellybeans Sun 02-Aug-09 22:12:48

I have 3 boys and 2 girls. One of my girls has always been the hardest especially aged 9 upwards. Teen girls are a real challenge for many! My twin boys are very boistrous though!

Spidermama Sun 02-Aug-09 22:17:40

My friend, who has three boys, told me there's an expression SMOGs. Smug Mothers of Girls. Has anyone heard of this?

I have one girl and three boys.

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail Sun 02-Aug-09 22:21:09

I've come across the SMOGs expression. I have one DS and get really pissed off with some comments.

jellybeans Sun 02-Aug-09 23:45:45

I have heard of that term but only on MN. I think I know a few SMOGs. However, after 2 girls (and I sadly lost a 3rd DD) I kind of felt boys were unknown to me and loved having my girls, it was only after having my own boys that I realised how great they were. So I try see it this way with the SMOGs, they just don't see the appeal as they are too wrapped up in what they have already and we often think what we have is best.

I never had a preference though after having 4 pregnancy losses just wanted a live baby so don't really get it when friends with only boys say they are 'desperate' for a girl. I rarely hear mums of all girls desperate for a boy but have heard some dads of girls who want a boy. DH admitted that he was over the moon when we had a boy although he would have been happy with more girls too.

alardi Mon 03-Aug-09 08:53:46

I don't mind if people have a preference. Just as I think it's human nature to often have a favourite among your children. But HOW you play that out is important. You shouldn't make it obvious if one child touches your heart than others, you don't go around openly dissing boys and being smug you haven't got one, it's dead annoying.

It also implies that you wouldn't love your DC as much if they had been born with the other chromosone.

I wanted DC1 to be a boy because I had a poor relationship with my mother (long story). I knew that with a boy I'd be starting from a cleaner slate. I also knew I wanted several children so I didn't want to start getting anxious in subsequent pregnancies about the unknown (aspects of boys) if I only had girls previously.

TitsalinaBumsquash Mon 03-Aug-09 08:59:53

I think there are still so many places that discriminate one sex.

At the nursery my DSs have just left the teacher and manager were so anti boy it was really shocking, they would do things like announce "Princess parties" and when asked what the boys were going to do she would shrug and generally give a non comittal grunt. angry

Its sad that in the advanced world we live in there is still discrimination of any kind especailly sex.

People should embrace both sexes for what they are and children should be seen for there individual good point and merrits not what gender they are.

EffiePerine Mon 03-Aug-09 09:06:15

I have 2 DSs and you do get a lot of comments about it being hard work - personally I really wanted boys so I'm happy. DH on the other hand did want a girl, I think if we had a third and it was another boy he'd be a little disappointed.

bloss Mon 03-Aug-09 09:18:00

Message withdrawn

Gateau Mon 03-Aug-09 09:32:24

I've heard that boys are realy hard work when they're small - physically, but girls are much harder when they get older. That said, I know some toddler girls who're bloody hard work! I've also found that girls can be very precocious at an early age.
I'm the opposite of a lot of women: I always wanted to have a boy at some stage. Of course when DC2 comes along later this year, I'll be delighted to have a girl OR a boy.

Gateau Mon 03-Aug-09 09:36:26

"I've heard that girls are much harder when they get older"
To qualify my previous remark, what I mean is their 'attitude' can make them hard to deal with. Boys, on the whole, are said to be more straightforward.
This is only what I've heard - I have no experience of girls and my DS is only 2.3!

teamcullen Mon 03-Aug-09 16:11:43

bloss, in my opinion I do think buing girls clothes is easier. I have 1 dd and 2 ds'. My dd has never been dressed like a disney advert or a pre-pubertal slut! she is now 13 and has hit puberty and is still not dressed like a slut, her clothes are very age apropiate.

But I think there is much more choice for girls as girls fashion changes every season. Whereas for boys fashion, things move very slowly and trying to find something different and a bit more original,I find hard! Also, the boys section in most childrens clothes shops is much smaller than the girls.

On the subject of the thread, I have found that children are children and they all have their dificult times when they test our patience and times when they make our hearts swell with pride.

jellybeans Mon 03-Aug-09 17:27:39

I love boys and girls clothes equally but agree that many shops have loads for girls and few for boys. My local Tesco has 3 aisles for baby girls and a small portable rack for boys! I also have a 13 year old DD and alot of stuff is abit tarty but there is some nice stuff.

UnquietDad Mon 03-Aug-09 17:30:56

We have one of each and have always found buying girls' clothes easier. Most shops have a bigger range for girls so as jellybeans says above there are plenty of options when you don't want to "go tarty".

GrimmaTheNome Mon 03-Aug-09 17:38:58

Buying clothes for girls is easier because you can choose from the girls and the boys aisles!

I have the perfect child - a tomboy! grin

hana Mon 03-Aug-09 17:40:07

have lost count in the number of people who take pleasure in telling me how difficult life will be when my 3 girls are teenagers.

it's gets terribly boring.
and just another sterotype


NoHotAshes Mon 03-Aug-09 17:42:57

I have a girl and a boy, and I was really shocked at how many people gushed when I had my son in a way they hadn't done when I had my daughter. Lots of "ooh, there's something special about little boys" and "boys are so great" and stuff like that. I was quite surprised that people would be so blatant about it!

So my perception is that there are plenty of people around who favour boys. No doubt there are also those who favour girls but none of them ever said anything to me about it.

MitchyInge Mon 03-Aug-09 17:47:21

I love my teenage girls! Much much prefer the challenges that come with this age territory than go back to the trauma of finding affordable joined up childcare in holidays and having pushchairs and potties and all the baby stuff everywhere.

It's not just boys it's men in general who are discriminated against or portrayed in negative stereotypical ways, in advertising ('so easy a man can do it!') and women rolling their eyes and saying horrible things about men, in front of their sons. I suppose the pendulum will swing back one day and settle somewhere in the middle?

UnquietDad Mon 03-Aug-09 17:50:03

Quite - washing powder ads where the chap OH SO HILARIOUSLY turns the packet upside down to read the instructions and gets it all over the floor. Oh, my sides.

MitchyInge Mon 03-Aug-09 17:51:05

hope this is not further proof that I am actually turning into a man

* fiddles with bit of facial hair worriedly *

weegiemum Mon 03-Aug-09 17:51:41

funny enough, the smuggest Mums I know are those with 2, 3 or 4 boys only. I know a couple who excuse the wildest, most difficult behaviour with "oh well, they are just typical boys".

I also know one Mum who thinks her boys prove her husband is more "masculine"? I don't normally say this, but WTF??

I have 2 girls and one boy. They are all equally difficult at different times!

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