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OMG 11yo DS just came in with lovebite Need advice please.

(55 Posts)
BettySwollux Fri 31-Jul-09 22:11:26

DS1 turns 12 next month, and as a rule is a pretty sensible boy,we have extended his boundaries and curfew recently with good results.
Tonight he was at the park a couple of miles away and was supposed to start walking home with his friend at 8.30 to get home for 9.

9.15 comes and no sign of him,so DH rings and asks if he's nearly home.
No, little bugger is still at the park!!
DH gets in car to pick him up and DS rings to say he is on the way with a friend's parent.

So,I was prepared to have a chat about boundaries etc tomorrow (he has a friend sleeping over tonight) and then see he has a lovebite on either side of his neck.

I'm speechless TBH I told himto go to bed and we will talk tomorrow.
Needless to say, he is grounded till they,ve gone, but please help me out here, I thought I had a couple of more years before this happened.
What would you say?
Have I given him too much freedom too young? He is the youngest in the school year (although quite mature for his age -or so I thought) and his mates are up to a year older and I didnt want himto feel left out IYSWIM.

whomovedmychocolate Fri 31-Jul-09 22:14:00

Oh dear.....well first things first, is it really a love bite or is it something he's done himself to show off to his friends. Ask him FGS.

Ask him what he thinks that means and if he understands that it looks pretty revolting and is not a sign of love etc.

I don't think you've given him too much freedom but perhaps let him roam on a slightly shorter leash or put the kennel in the backyard IYSWIM?

I would suspect most 12 year olds have a snog now and then though.

whomovedmychocolate Fri 31-Jul-09 22:14:43

And then insist he brings her home for dinner, this will ensure they will break up within a week grin

GlastonburyGoddess Fri 31-Jul-09 22:16:14

I thought I had a couple of more years before this happened.
I think you need to start having v serious convos with him about safe sex, relationships, stds etc etc now.
my dp lost his virginity at 12, nr his 13 bday. You ds maybe no where near this, however things are obviously starting to interest him otherwise this wouldnt of happened.

I dont know what to advise but I just wanted to say please take this seriously and talk to him now, he may still be your baby boy, but hes growing up and fast.

Metella Fri 31-Jul-09 22:16:26

Seriously, whomovedmychocolate? My ds is 12½ and I can't think when he would have the opportunity to "snog"!!!!

Ewe Fri 31-Jul-09 22:17:53

When I was younger we all went through a phase of giving each other lovebites, just because we could and it was quite cool.

Try not to be too hard on him, it was more than likely just pissing about.

whomovedmychocolate Fri 31-Jul-09 22:18:56

Metella - every twelve year old I know has a boyfriend and I'm not talking full on snogging and groping but apparently yes they do kiss goodbye and hold hands. Is v sweet in lots of ways and better than some of the alternatives (oh the horrors!)

BettySwollux Fri 31-Jul-09 22:22:03

I know they all have on/off girlfriends, and I dont mind the odd snog <cringe>.
We are quite open with him and have had the sex talk, a few nights ago we had the "If you start feeling urges, then carry condoms talk"

A few weeks ago,we passed someone that had a neck full of hickeys, and he commented how horrid it looked.

I asked himwho had given him them and he said X(girl's name) soI know he hasnt done it himself.

BettySwollux Fri 31-Jul-09 22:23:51

AARRRGGGHHH he'sjust a baby!! sad

pseudoname Fri 31-Jul-09 22:24:32

good start by letting him go to bed and stew.

boys talk and listen better when you don't look them face to face / insist that they look at you while they or you talk.

I'd start off by saying you hope it was a girl who put it there - in a non threatening way.

(namechanger: We met once at a MN meetup. I also work with boys this age and older.)

Metella Fri 31-Jul-09 22:25:35

Well, I have to say ds is obviously quite far behind everyone else!!! The only girls he spends any time with are his cousins!!!

BettySwollux Fri 31-Jul-09 22:27:55

Ooh, pseudo, can you give me a clue? Do you have very long hair?

cat64 Fri 31-Jul-09 22:30:54

Message withdrawn

Tortoise Fri 31-Jul-09 22:32:46

shock My DS is 12 and i would be very shocked if he came home with love bites.
But then i wouldn't let him out to the park until 8.30 either.

pseudoname Fri 31-Jul-09 22:33:24

yep and glasses.

geordieminx Fri 31-Jul-09 22:35:02

Sorry Betty but I'm laughing.

I wasnt... until I realised your were the OP.

I am not surprised....

Poor you grin

janeite Fri 31-Jul-09 22:36:11

Sorry but I agree that I wouldn't let an 11 year old hang around the park until that time, either. My girls are 12 and 14 and as yet have shown no interest whatsoever in boys. I hate to hear 11 year olds etc claiming to have girlfriends/boyfriends: it makes me feel quite uncomfortable tbh.

I agree with the grounding until they are gone but the bigger issue imho is that he has broken your trust by not coming home when told to.

Metella Fri 31-Jul-09 22:40:21

Thank god, thanks cat64 et al. I was beginning to think my ds was odd or something.

There is no way ds1 would be out alone in the park at that time and he would most certainly not be snogging girls!!!!

BettySwollux Fri 31-Jul-09 22:47:46

geordieminx,why are you not surprised?

geordieminx Fri 31-Jul-09 22:50:44

I used to live there remember. wink

Sorry, just re-read my original post, I didnt mean it nasty way, more a "I've had a bottle glass of wine and I remember the good ol' days at local park grin

geordieminx Fri 31-Jul-09 23:03:45

feel bad now sorry sad

Paolosgirl Fri 31-Jul-09 23:15:45

I wouldn't stress too much about a 12 year old being out til 8.30. Mine DS is kept on a tight rein, but is occasionally allowed to stay out this late if he's playing football with his friends - no biggie imo, but we live in a quiet residential area.

The love bites and snogging would really worry me though - you've done the right thing by grounding him, and a mother-son or father-son chat would def. be a good idea.

BettySwollux Fri 31-Jul-09 23:16:36

No probs geordie, I guessed that's what you meant smile.

Ahhhh, yes.........the park.blush

AitchTwoOh Fri 31-Jul-09 23:20:22

we were good kids, nice area etc but i distinctly remember people experimenting with lovebites etc when i was eleven and twelve etc. (not that i did, i was too geeky). the cooler kids did, most deffo, and none of them seem to ahve come to any great harm. grin

i wouldn't read too much into it, tbh. stewing good, talking without eye contact good (saying that you hope it was a girl, bad. imo).

BettySwollux Fri 31-Jul-09 23:23:40

Metella,he was not alone in the park, he was with a large group of friends.
He is usually in at 8.30 but because of where he was/ who he was with/ light nights etc, we extended curfew for half an hour.

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