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SAHM's - relentless daily routine ever get on top of you?

(27 Posts)
cupcake78 Thu 30-Jul-09 18:53:54

I'm having a bad day and well basically dh just doesn't understand so here I am.

I'm so fed up of having to live by the same routine everyday inc weekends and holidays the only difference being some days dh is here as well. So I have him to clear up after and feed as well (even tho he is very good and does help, today it feels like i'm a bloody house bound slave).

I was making tea tonight and just thought I really can't do this anymore. I'm so fed up of having to be home for nap times (ds will only sleep in his bed), tea times, bed times. Having to think of what to feed ds 3 times a day not to mention what to cook for dh and me every night.

Every morning I have to think what can I do today to entertain my little man that doesn't cost too much. Isn't too far away and its always on my own.

I'm fed up with tanrums at the same time of day, crying cos ds can't have a second biscuit. Not being able to go out anywhere different during the day cos I have to be home for nap time or tea time or bed time or ds can't walk that far or place isn't pushchair friendly etc etc etc.

I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

nickytwotimes Thu 30-Jul-09 19:00:07

Well, cupcake, I can tell you that your ds won't be wee forever. My ds is 3 now and can go pretty much anywhere and doesn't need a pushchair or masses of equipment/food/milk/etc. ALso, naps are a distant memory so we can go anywhere, anytime and life is a lot better and more interesting. ANd he eats with us. I'd instigate that ASAP. No need for him to have seperate meals imo.
You sound lonely. Do you go to toddler groups or playgroup or similar?
I get your point about the drugery. It is mindnumbing and relentless at times, but if you had more company and stuff to do then it would be less boring.
Alos wrt naps, my ds napped in bed too, but he would nap in the buggy if we went a long walk.. If it is dry, it is worth just bunging him in and getting out, even if you are walking on your own. Better than the same 4 walls.
I think the main thing is to find some other parents on your wavelength to hang out with. I found that essential.

cazboldy Thu 30-Jul-09 19:02:13

your life sounds very structured - thats not a criticism by the way, but I don't think I would be happy like that either

I am a sahm to 5 dc, but although life is very busy and chaotic, I just can't and dont do routines

I get peed off from time to time, but find taking the dogs out, or having half an hour to myself to do the ponies makes me feel much better

any chance of that?

PrincessToadstool Thu 30-Jul-09 19:02:25

I'm not a SAHM but I do feel like that on my days off sometimes... yet I am still contemplating giving up work to so I can go through it every day hmm

UniS Thu 30-Jul-09 19:03:24

sound like you could do with trying to build a weekly routine of "what we do today" If Mums and tots isn;t your thing maybe a routine of park and library type stuff, but the same days each week so you don't have to think about a fresh every day.
I will admit I do not think about what to feed boy , he has basicly teh same breakfast every day and basicly teh same lunch every day. no mental effort wasted and he is quite happy with it. Whatto feed Dh , boy and I at dinner time is fixed at start of week when I do teh shopping list WITH dh.
gotta go, sleepover toniht and I need to supervise teeth cleaning.

nickytwotimes Thu 30-Jul-09 19:05:11

Oh, yes, a bit of time alone helps.
I am lucky in that my Mum and ds have a morning out together once a week which really helps and for which I am incredibly grateful!

JackBauer Thu 30-Jul-09 19:05:33

Oh I feel your pain, how old is your DS?
DD's started getting much easier as they got a bit older and you coujld skip naps without it being too much of a disaster.
We tend to spend a lot of time in the park, on the beach (when it stops fecking raining) and occasionally go on an exciting trip to the library....

Make sure DH knows that if he has a day off, he needs to cook, clean up after himself, maybe bring home dinner once in a while, we normally end up with takeout when it is DH's turn, but I don't care as I haven't had to cook.
And pasta 3 days in a row won't do any harm when you just can't face another food decision.

cupcake78 Thu 30-Jul-09 19:14:41

The routine is very set. Ds is difficult to feed one day he'll eat something the next he refuses. When I'm having a good week I just tell him thats all there is so he can eat it or wait till tea time but at the moment its anything to stop the constant demands.

He wakes up early (6 on a good day) and naps for 2-3hrs. I am trying to break this now by only letting him sleep for 1-2hrs as it means i'm stuck in the house and miss out on everything.

We go to the library weekly, been to park twice this week already etc but with it being summer hols and ds is a shy child i'm finding he is even more demanding.

I would love just one day where it is all someone elses responsibility but my mum thinks having ds for 2.5/3hrs constitutes as a full day hmm and dh's parents are taken up with other grandchildren at the moment.

Dh works long hrs and the days seem to be lasting a lifetime. All my friends work, parent and toddler groups as much as I have tried them just aren't for me.

Dh does offer to cook the tea but ds then kicks up such a fuss co he wants his dad it's just easier for me to do it.

cupcake78 Thu 30-Jul-09 19:15:47

ds is 22mths. Going to nursery in 8weeks for 1.5days and it seems the closer I get to this the harder each day is. I want space so much.

nickytwotimes Thu 30-Jul-09 19:20:08

Well, 2.5 hrs is a lot better than nothing, which is what many people have, so try to enjoy it. And don't use it to catch up. DO something you used to do before you were a Mum. Go to the gym, listen to music, watch a movie, something just for you.

You could look at employing a CM for one day per week. I know a few SAHMs who do this, and it seems a bloody good idea imo!

WOuld you be willing to try toddler groups again? It can be hard to infiltrate them, but it is worth it in the long term. Or go to the nearest MN meet up.

nickytwotimes Thu 30-Jul-09 19:21:24

x post.
So you have arranged childcare? Good move!

cupcake78 Thu 30-Jul-09 19:24:30

I'm going to uni in October and can;t wait to finally do something for me.
I agree 2.5hrs is better than nothing but this is only ever agreed if I have an appointment/job interview.

nickytwotimes Thu 30-Jul-09 19:26:40

My dh sometimes takes ds out for an hour or two at the weekend to the park.
WOuld your dh fancy that at all?

miserableoldwoman Thu 30-Jul-09 19:28:06

yes it does! I am so bored at the moment with the relentless meal making, park visiting etc I am hiding in my bedroom away from everyone at the moment,just so that I can get some much needed peace.

cupcake78 Thu 30-Jul-09 19:30:33

Yes he would do that. I think what has the biggest effect on me is the effect all this has on my confidence and sometimes it just hits me really hard.

I don't have alot of contact with other people and thats the bit that really gets to me. I know all this will change soon but when I feel like this 8 weeks seems so far away.

frimblypoo Thu 30-Jul-09 19:31:07

Have you got a children's information centre nearby?
They have lots of info about places to go and often have sessions in them not just for kids but grown ups to.

HumphreyCobbler Thu 30-Jul-09 19:34:21

I tend to hit rock bottom when faced with wiping the floor after my ten month old has finished each meal. Time does this strange thing and it is as if I am ALWAYS on my hands and knees with a load of sticky mess to deal with.

cupcake78 Thu 30-Jul-09 19:35:40

We've got a sure start centre but its so over subscribed that they only take teenage/single/unemployed mums. I don't want that to sound as bad as I think it does but if your 31, married and considered comfortable then "your not priority" and yes that have been said to me by alot of people. I have my name down for the local church toddler group but again its so popular that there is a waiting list and again cos I only have 1 ds i'm not classed as priority.

miserableoldwoman - its so nice to know i'm normal and not just going mad

cupcake78 Thu 30-Jul-09 19:37:08

HumphreyCobbler - I am always wiping something be it a floor, face, table or myself. There is always something to wipe

sarah293 Thu 30-Jul-09 19:40:05

Message withdrawn

PrincessToadstool Thu 30-Jul-09 19:41:23

cupcake have you posted on your Mumsnet Local site?

I struggle too with P&T groups, just can't seem to fit in.

moondog Thu 30-Jul-09 19:41:26

Can't you go out at night to a class or the gym or pool?

Don't bother feeding people seperately or making elaborate meals. My kids have porridge or oatcakes for breakfast and sandwiches or eggy bread or sardines on toast or soup with toast 90% of time.

Get out and be with others even if they aren't 'yuor sort'. It really helps.

Have some time off every weekend while your dh takes over.

I basically brought up 2 children from birth alone [dh away most of time and no family nearby] and it was bloody hard work. At least you have another adult in the house.You need to negotiate time and space with him.

cupcake78 Thu 30-Jul-09 19:43:14

Your so right! Its just never done, there is always something that needs doing, there is no let up.

Lizzylou Thu 30-Jul-09 19:50:45

Cupcake, I can completely understand what you are going through and how you feel.
I was exactly the same with DS1 and felt horribly guilty too.
Mumsnet Local is a good idea, meeting up with another Mom/groups of Moms and just chatting and letting your DS be with other children is good.
I found a good friend on Netmums meet a Mom.
You will feel far better when you are at Uni and your DS will also come on leaps and bounds once he is at nursery, he will have to fit in with their routines and will be more flexible for you.

cupcake78 Fri 31-Jul-09 14:04:43

Thanks ladies.

Its funny what a difference a day can make. Still feeling down, sad and generally fed up etc but not a bad as yesterday.

That may be due to the massive online clothes order I have just finished grin, or maybe its because I managed to take ds into a shop and leave without him either pulling down clothes, wrecking jewellery or being looked at because of his tantrums.

Just hope he's not saving it all up for the supermarket this afternoon.

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