Talk

Advanced search

2nd child has arrived - how do you juggle loving the two?

(9 Posts)
Uspy Wed 29-Jul-09 14:00:57

Basically is my question. I have two boys now, one is just over 2 years and the other 4 weeks old. I have yet to find ways of coping with my constant guilt - that I don't spend enough time with one when I am with the other and vice versa. Do any of you feel the same and does it stop eventually so that you just accept/ find that both get enough of your attention?

Snooch Wed 29-Jul-09 14:06:32

Upsy, I'm still struggling with this one....also have two boys, one is nearly 28 months the other 17 weeks, and I actually feel bad giving the baby kisses and cuddles in front of my eldest and will sometimes even hold back! Then there's times when I'm busy with the eldest and the youngest is trying desperately to get my attention....in constant dire straits. Look forward to seeing what advice some of the more experienced have for us!

Snooch Wed 29-Jul-09 14:07:24

Sorry Uspy, got your name wrong there.... blush

cat64 Wed 29-Jul-09 14:19:12

Message withdrawn

VoodooOnABoat Wed 29-Jul-09 14:32:41

it is hard in the early days but make sure the older one gets lots of fuss and attention.

mine are 3 and 1 now and entertain each other loads, they are hilarious together, their bond is so strong they are always looking to see what the other is doing.

in time it all starts to come together, you are just finding your routine etc.
the older will be hugely benefitted by having a sibling, it is the greatest gift you could give him.
try not to feel guilty, I feel guilty because I hardly ever read to them anymore...
there's always something to beat yourself up with..

VoodooOnABoat Wed 29-Jul-09 14:36:16

also the younger develops much faster even if you dont spend the same amount of time as you did with your eldest, as they are learning from the older one too. I think my younger ds will speak earlier as he has me and his bigger dd to listen to, when it was just her often we would have quiet hours, also he watches her walk/climb etc consequently he is very daring and not cautious at all

you realise how different it is for the second one, really, they never have the fear of the bath, for example, or playgroup as the big sibling is always there with them.

I am the oldest of 3 girls and it brings home how different childhood is depending on where you are born in relation to your siblings.

VoodooOnABoat Wed 29-Jul-09 14:37:50

..also, having two was good for me as I learned to relax and be a bit more flexible with my routines/nap times..

you have to be openminded or you'll be stuck as it will always be someones nap or meal time!!

MrsMcJnr Wed 29-Jul-09 16:44:24

I feel the same way. My DS is 18 months and my DD is 7 weeks. I feel as if both of them need me at exactly the same time. It is tricky but then when I see my DS look at his sister I know that I have done the right thing smile I am finding the park really hard at the moment though as DS climbs everything and is a constant danger to himself but I am scared to leave DD in her buggy alone whilst I run off to save him. When people come round I ask them to hold her so I can focus on him but she has caught on and will generally only settle for me. It could be because I have the milk though smile hmm

Hope things get easier for you, time is what we need I guess smile

Snooch Thu 30-Jul-09 09:34:28

Ooh I know what you mean MrsMcJnr - the park shatters my nerves sometimes! Thankfully DS2 is really good in the buggy as he will either nap or just enjoy looking around so I can focus most of my attention on DS1. Luckily our park has a small cordoned off area with very safe play equipment for the younger kids within the main park so we go there when I need to feed DS2, and even if DS1 gets stuck and needs my help I don't feel too nervous leaving DS1 in the buggy as I'm literally a couple metres away from him.

I can see though that in time the two of them are going to be playing together nicely and entertaining eachother quite a bit - already DS1 will sit in front of DS2 in his bouncy chair and play with him and the two of them laugh and giggle - very sweet! One can see that DS1 is fascinated with his big brother as well and follows his every move with his eyes when he's playing - I've found that he moans from boredom less frequently than DS1 did.

Time is definitely what we need and we can only do our best I guess - just need to get through these first few hard months!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now