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Was I too honest with DS

(23 Posts)
OrangeCrushMama Sun 26-Jul-09 21:34:01

DS is 10 and earlier told me that DP had "bummed him".

He was referring to a game they'd played where they'd tried to knock each other over by their bums.

It was decided that the comment could have been taken way out of context by outsiders and I explained to DS what the phrase usually meant.

"DS, when someone says they were "bummed" it usually means someone has had sex with them. It's usually a phrase to exlain gay sex"

Was this a bit too honest? he's a mature 10 and he said he understood and didn't realise it would sound so serious.

I don't want to make him grow up too early but we both felt we shouldn't let that comment go. Besides the bullying that would occur if he was to say this at school, what on earth would happen if someone reported us after hearing DS say this.

Did I explain too much?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 26-Jul-09 21:35:31

Oh goodness.

My son is only 8 but I wouldn't have told him that.

I suppose it depends if he already knew what man with woman sex is.

bigchris Sun 26-Jul-09 21:37:16

another bum sex thread hmm

peggotty Sun 26-Jul-09 21:39:02

Could you have just said that it means something a bit rude rather than actually going into detail? Or would he then just have wanted to know exactly what it meant anyway?

GypsyMoth Sun 26-Jul-09 21:39:20

My son is ten. If I hadn't told him then his sisters would!

Perfectly reasonable.

GwarchodwrPlant Sun 26-Jul-09 21:40:39

I might have tried to get him to use another word such as 'bumped' and just said that the other word was a rude word.

It's done now so I would put it behind you and hope he forgets about it. It was a bit too adult for an 8yr old IMHO.

PandaG Sun 26-Jul-09 21:41:30

perfectly reasonable - my DS is 9 and has known the facts if life for quite a while - so I think you were right to explain why that phrase could have been taken out of context.

VinoEsmeralda Sun 26-Jul-09 21:42:35

Perfectly reasonable

OrangeCrushMama Sun 26-Jul-09 21:43:08

I've not read any bumsex threads, I'm not a troll. If I was, I'd come up with something funny.

He told me the kids at school say this all the time. He's not exactly "one of the lads" and is pehaps a little naive. Therefore I wanted to be straight with him and tell him like it is.

After I'd said it however I kind of felt a little sad.

VelvetPlum Sun 26-Jul-09 21:44:01

I think it was fine.
Would have been too much if you'd described the act. Though I am sure there'll be plenty of people who think that 10 is the perfect age to learn all about anal.
I honestly think you got it just right.

hester Sun 26-Jul-09 21:48:24

Given the usual caveat (you know your son best) I think what you did was fine.

KristinaM Sun 26-Jul-09 21:50:15

i think what you said was fine for a 10 year old

TrinityRhinoHasASillyStepson Sun 26-Jul-09 21:50:48

totally fine imo
my 9 year old dd knows about regular sex and sex between men

better to be told by your parents the truth than find out all sorts of nonsense in the playground

misshardbroom Mon 27-Jul-09 12:26:56

I think what you said was clear, truthful and not scary.

Very unsettling for a child to feel as though they've said something bad / wrong, and not know why.

bruces Tue 28-Jul-09 15:14:06

Op i think you were right to explain what it meant,just imagine if another child or parent over heard this and took it totaly out of context who knows where it could of lead?

franklymydear Tue 28-Jul-09 15:17:26

but you can be bummed out without it meaning anal sex

it really is in the mind of the beholder isn't it? grin

Tortington Tue 28-Jul-09 15:31:45

its fine

ScummyMummy Tue 28-Jul-09 15:34:03

Sounds fine to me. He needs to know these things.

junglist1 Tue 28-Jul-09 18:36:35

Don't worry about it better he knows and stops saying it than you getting called up to the school!

TrillianAstra Tue 28-Jul-09 18:43:30

Your DS suonds very sensible, I think you did fine.

hercules1 Tue 28-Jul-09 18:44:49

Very well handled.

filchthemildmanneredjanitor Tue 28-Jul-09 18:45:34

i think you were too honest
fgs -are they not allowed ANY innocence any more?

littleducks Tue 28-Jul-09 18:52:40

on first reading i was horrified and thought it was a bad idea to tell him, however if he is trying to imitate the cool kids at school by using the word far out of context i think it prob was for the best as if he had comtinued he would prob be bullied

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