"I don't want to go"

[yawningmonster]

ds has always been a bit of a home body. HIs prefered activity generally involves me paying constant attention to him and doing what he wants. He has become increasingly difficult to get to go anywhere and it is doing my head in. Every step in getting ready is a major tantrum, the outing itself is usually horrific with whining, shouting and general bad behaviour wanting to go home. we have tried getting him involved in where we are going and making sure there are some aspects of the outing that will appeal to him but he just wants to stay home. Have offered to get his minder over for times when we need to somewhere and he refuses but he was absolutely distraut by this idea and frankly he is very hard for someone to take on willingly
(ie not fair on the minder0 and we have at least a week of trauma afteerwards. He is 4.10 and has aspergers.
Have tried social stories, picture cards, bribes, small steps eg trip to the letterbox and back but it is becoming reaaly hard work especiaaly as he wants constant input at home

[stuffitlllama]

I have no experience of Aspergers. I did have this with a three year old and I feel a lot of sympathy. I gave in for about three months to make him feel secure then started again slowly, small steps, like you say. I would put things off until dh was home, shopping late and so on. At home we would play endlessly, and he did everything with me, cooking, everything. Then we started again and I was unmoveable about going out, no choice.

It was easier but to be honest it has never really gone away in ten years.

It's not easy, I wish I had something more helpful.

[yawningmonster]

thanks for the reply. I'm never sure what behaviours are due to Aspergers and what aren't so I put this in Parenting topic for that reason. I put all things like shopping off until I can do it without him (he still hates to be left even with dh so even this is not a solution) but today he decided he didn't want to go on a picnic in the woods which is his favourite place in the world. I was desperate to get out as it is Winter here and we have an 11 week old dd as well and I have absolute cabin fever so it was sooo nice to have a sunny day but ds was being particularly anti about it and dh was away so I gave in as I couldn't face dragging every step with him screaming and carrying on.

[yawningmonster]

bump I could really do with new strategies for this

[lljkk]

You might have more luck posting in SN.
My guess would be that you need to get into a routine as much as possible, so lots of routine outings (same time and day each day or week, to same places, same time spent there, same people and same order of activities while there, etc.) as much as possible.

(I would think) You still do some spontaneous outings, but try to make most outings as routine as possible.

[yawningmonster]

Hi will try sn board, unfortunately we have tried the routine approach and it seems to be worse as he anticipates going out and kicks off much earlier eg for playcentre he knows it is 9am Mon and Thurs and on those days will cry and shout from the time he gets up until we are there, once there he is fine but other places he continues the drama just demanding to go home.

[lljkk]

Could you teach him the basics of clock-reading, so he learns that you don't leave the house until the clock hands point "here" and "there"?

You could mark up an A3-size paper, to stick to the wall, with

Names of the days
Pictures to represent where you go on those days and
Pictures of the clock, what it should say for when you're going.

Then each day you tell him which day it is (move a paperclip up and down the paper to show him) and he can study the wallchart.

Obviously I know nothing, but I wonder if it would make him feel more in control and he would understand and feel calmer knowing (seeing) what's happening. And knowing he got thru it last week okay.

[yawningmonster]

Hi thanks, we do a day chart which is a similar concept to what you are suggesting. He gets to put a red sticker on the parts he finds the hardest (eg going out somewhere) and we pick a greeny (card with incentives eg tv time etc) to pair with it eg on playcentre days he usually chooses a greeny of chippies in his lunchbox. It kind of works but only for outings he is ok with to begin with iykwim.