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Parents of 4 yr olds..esp SAHM's..how much do you do with your lo's..?

(9 Posts)
shhhh Wed 22-Jul-09 21:54:58

By that I mean...on a daily basis how much do you play with your lo.?

Dd is just 4 and due to start school in sept. She attends pre school x2 days and atm there are no groups due to hols etc...

I find her so demanding and feel as though im not doing enough with her. I also have ds (2)

Days are spent, shopping or doing errands or trips to the park etc.
These days I can cope BUT its the days and time at home that can drive me insane.

Typically as a mum I have a billion things to do and selfishly I also want my time to read a paper/have a brew/suft the net etc but I do try and spend time playing but admit it can be boring etc.
Dd seems to want me to play with her 24/7. Play doh, jigsaws,dolls,playing outside etc. AND days when she is home I find it hard from 7am-7pm...

anyone else the same..? How much do you do with your lo..? Ds plays well alone and with dd and dd does the same as well BUT just seems to also want mummy to do things....constantly...

misshardbroom Wed 22-Jul-09 22:14:44

I have to admit to doing next to nothing with my children at the moment.

I'm partly a SAHM but I do have a job which amounts to about 18 hours per week, working from home. As you can imagine, in school holidays this is hard work.

My children are pretty good at playing together and so they don't require that much input from me when we're at home. I have noticed though that since DD went to school, she finds being at home a lot harder and wants a lot more involvement from me. I guess she's used to constant company and constant stimulus at school.

Sometimes I feel really guilty about the fact that I'm rubbish at 'playing' and would always rather do my own thing. But then I do add up all the times that we're out and about doing things, and the times that they help me with chores (e.g. drying dishes, sorting laundry) and then I don't feel too bad that for other chunks of time they're left to play with their siblings.

shhhh Wed 22-Jul-09 22:20:57

See I feel the same mhb. I always feel guilty but then dh says, the amount of time we spend with them doing outside activities is huge and prob more than most other dk's get..

I don't involve the dk's with chores around the home..prob give them a duster to keep them off my case at times..but I guess thats something I could do to involve them and make them and me feel like we are doing something togther..good idea..smile.

I find it so hard at times....at times I just want to sit on my backside and have a brew and then I feel like dd is hmm towards me...like she will think in years to come "mummy was a lazy cow" hmm..
I then get snappy telling dd "sometimes mummy wants to do her own things" and I get the "look"..like she understands but doesn't...

EldonAve Wed 22-Jul-09 22:24:46

I do very little, I go for the benign neglect option and mine have to get on with it for themselves

hellymelly Wed 22-Jul-09 22:25:27

Oh I never feel as though I do enough either,I also have a two year old who still wakes at night and I am very tired which doesn't help.I feel very guilty on the days when they have watched too much tv especially. I read with them and do drawing stuff.they like to help with cooking,we potter about in the garden or play with dolls and toy animals,we chat a lot! Nothing madly exciting. We go to the beach with dh.

GwarchodwrPlant Wed 22-Jul-09 22:27:39

I don't think you should hide your feelings from your DD. You are entitled to your own time and she is entitled to having quality time with her mum so you need to reach a point of compromise.

Why don't you say to her 'Right DD, we can do x,y, and z together then mummy wants to do a,b and c alone so you will have to make up your own fun for then'

or

Why don't you decide what we can do together this morning then after lunch mummy needs to do x, y and Z so you go play with your toys ok?

or

you can arrange for her to go to her friends house and vica versa or a childminders/nursery for a couple of hours every other day?

sfxmum Wed 22-Jul-09 22:29:48

my dd is also 4 and starts school in September and I am SAHM she goes to nursery/ preschool 3 mornings a week when I get to do 'me' stuff

on nursery days we do very little little in the afternoons, partly because she is generally tired so we spend most of the time at home, she is quite good at doing her own stuff and I give her a free reign, it can get very messy
she will ask for assistance and will chat on/off we sometimes will do something together

on non nursery days I try to have some activity out of the house at some point just to structure the day

Greatfun Wed 22-Jul-09 22:30:05

I know exactly what you mean. My DCs are the same age/sex as yours. I find having some sort of plan to the day really helps.I have a vague list of what needs cleaning/organising and one kid activity normally out of the house. I can't afford a cleaner so I spend my day keeping things tidyish but accept whilst I have 2 pre schoolers its not as clean or organised as I would like. I also make sure I spend as much time as possible with DD whilst DS sleeps. Just sitting and reading ir watching TV toogether is enough. I ahve also learnt not to try and do anything other than put together a basic meal during the witching hour (4.30-5.30). 'Me' time for reading, etc waits till they are in bed.

I don't think I actually do that much with DD and constantly feel guilty about it but I think by leaving as much as I can to when they are in bed has helped.

I dont thin it does children any harm to spend some time entertaining themselves as they need to learn to be bored. I notice DS is much better at playing by himself and I do wonder if as the second born he has so much less attention given to him.

shhhh Wed 22-Jul-09 23:13:25

I agree greatfun..ds is brill playing alone which is lovely to watch but then the madness come out of me and I think "is that coz he's had to get on and do things himself" geezz...can't win.!

btw lol at "witching" hour grin.

Thanks for the replies. I guess I do do things with dd but possibly don't realise and I also guess that should dd have her way she would have me play 24/7 with her!

Dh often points out that while I don't feel I do enough with them, my days are always jam packed and they are always involved in some way..

GwarchodwrPlant,loevly ideas..like the one where we agree on something togther and then I have my time later on while she plays etc.

I do try and do some tasks while they are up during the day and try and do the rest once in bed BUT I find come 7pm all I want to do is sit and vegitate grin.

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