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(4 Posts)
arrraagggh Sat 21-May-05 13:49:35

Basically I see my mil being very jealous, minipulative women who hasnt a good word to say about any one.Since going out with my dp she has been very jealous of our relationship-wanting to spend time alone with him on holiday(although hes in his 20's) expecting expensive presents and then comparing what he gets me.

Although we are civil and ive always tried in the past to be pleasant to make a good impression I never feel I get the same in return. Its little things like ive never ever recieved a compliment from her. And if she is being nice to me I feel that its false and that shes just trying to manipulate me as she knows if she gets me on side she can use me to talk to her ds.Ive made an effort in the past but tbh I just dont like her as a person we have completely diff views on things and yet i feel like I can't disagree with her.

Since I found out i was pregnant things just got worse it felt like she was not only trying to control dh but now me as well as i was carrying her dgs.There were arguements cus we wanted to know the sex of baby and she didnt want us to find out,then there was the name i agreed with dp that we would have his surname but she wanted another family name in his first/middle name.A announcement was put in the paper by my mum and my mil read the wording wrong and rang to find out why our ds was now having my surname even though he wasnt. But I thought how dare she that was my choice to make as me and dp arnt married.She was also unhappy that my mum came with me for the scan.

When I was in hosp poorly due to preg complications she said she wouldnt visit cus i needed to rest although when ds was born she wanted to come every day and i was exhausted,emotional etc. We were on a special ward my ds was prem and in an incubator and she told dp that she wanted to come and hold her own gds (even though i hardly had held him only to brestfeed and dp was able to hold him for only 5mins) Dp said the m/ws advised not for him to be handled (he needed rest and to maintain body temp) and she said what the f**k do the m/vs know ive had 5 kidds.And then from day 1 since coming home from hosp she was always nagging us to babysit saying me and dp needed time together funny that she didnt think that before ds was born.

Since then its just esculated shes always criticising or questioning our parenting like why are you still b/f 2wks is enough, why isnt he in bed at 7pm or in his own room. We feel like we have to explain ourselves. She just doesnt respect our descision and just dimisses them which makes us feel uncomfortable whenever she babysits.

Ds always has to go visit her too unless she babysits and comes to us. If I do on the rare occasion go around I feel like we dont exist she never says hello to me. And the same if she comes to us she just makes a beeline for ds and totally ignores my personal space. Shes always praising herself like shes the only person he smiles for, goes to sleep or eats for.

Not once has she said well done for breastfeeding so long or told us how well we are doing. Just no encouragement. The thing is now I hate her going near ds or babysitting.And whatever she does winds my back up. We went out the other day and she babysat we came home quite early cus we wanted to put ds to bed ourselves. But when we got home she had already put him to bed earliar then normal cus he was tired. We were so annoyed about it cus we thought he would be up early but had my mum done it i prob would been fine. But with her we think is she just doing it because she wants to mother ds or because he was tired. Every other grandparent seems to be able to keep him going til bedtime.

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teeavee Sat 21-May-05 14:24:28

you obviously needed to get this off your chest!
My mil can also wind me up something terrible, although not quite in the same way. I don't hink she's consciously manipulative, but it can be quite hard going spending a lot of time with her.
That sounds callous - it's just that as she become a very reluctant divorcee at 50, and has some depressive tendencies and a slight eating disorder,her anxieties surface in the form of endless questions about our private affairs...
e.g. she wants to know how much we earn (freelance) every month, how much our last electricity bill was, etc (she's got a bit of a thing about money).
She is also, IMO, a bit unfair on my dp, in offloading her emotional problems onto him. She recently told him she could never be truly happy while she still lived alone, for example. To say such a thing to her son is a hard thing for him to take on, emotionally - esp. because she has now been divorced for over 10 years and still goes on about her ex-husband, my dp's father, EVERY time we see her. It's unhealthy and bores me to tears quite often, and although I sympathise very much with her plight, I really wish she would try and look to the future a bit more and stop dwelling quite so much on the past.
But the divorce was so much a bolt from the blue to her that she has never really fully recovered emotionally.
i could go on and on, but, what I'm trying to say is, ALL mother-in laws can get you down at times, I'm convinced! And we all have to grin and bear a bit too much sometimes....
Mine is fine as long as she doesn't intrude too much into my own life - i.e. when we go to hers, or when she comes to babysit but we don't spend the whole weekend with her. Otherwise, I OD and end up rowing with dp about her, which is awful.

Pomi Sun 22-May-05 15:19:01

Hi dear, your mil souds just a normal one for me. If she did not wanted to know the sex of baby you shoud not tell her about it. She was suggesting a middle name, I think there is nothing wrong atleast it is not the first name.

Every one has his own ways to bring up children. You should do what you feel right for your ds but should not completly disagree with her infront of her as the more you argue the worse it becomes

She babysits for you thats really nice of her. While she is babysitting you cannot force your roules.

You cannot expect praise and encouragement from your mil. Also you did not tell the response of your ds. If he agrees with your parenting rules then you should not worry about other people.

Honestly wrote what I thought, hope you would not mind.

kbaby Mon 23-May-05 21:38:27

I know how you can feel. My mil winds me up most of the time. She looks after DD each day for us and I feel that I can never say anything to her because she then goes on about how if were not happy with how shes bringing dd up then we can put her in a nursery, that said we are quick to critisise her but rarely tell her well done. I think that I find talking to my mum much easier and I can tell her what I think whereas MIL I cant and just put up with the constant advice ie give dd rusks in her bottle to help her sleep, my breastmilk isnt filling her up etc..
Just smile and say that you ill think about it.
Dont let it wind you up or you and DP will end up falling out over it.

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