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Biting your child

(97 Posts)
Mamashep Mon 20-Jul-09 13:34:59

Has anyone bitten their child? My lil terrorist of a 2.8 yr old DD has bitten my 11 week old DS really hard, so hard that her head was shaking and his skin was v.v. nearly broken. I was so unbelievably cross I shut her in the hall while I comforted a v. upset baby, not to mention a v. upset me! She was screaming and banging on the door and I let her in...then I bit her backshock OMG what is happening to me, I used to be so calm, have never smacked her and can usually just put her in the hallway for some time out for both of us before I explode
All this because I said she couldn't have a bloody date and banana bar cos lunch was minutes away from readiness.
To add insult to injury we made a reward chart this morning to continue with her behaviour...which is mostly goodwink
Please help, advise, commiserate etc etc

bruces Mon 20-Jul-09 13:48:52

lots of people won't agree with what you did but i did exactly the same to my ds when he was 21/2 it got to the point where we couldn't go out in case he bit another child, i followed advice from Dr and health visitor to the letter,used reward charts,ignored it,time out,bribery you name it,then one day he bit me very very hard(seemed to hurt more as i was caught of guard) and i nipped him back on the arm.........ashamedly it did leave a mark but i said the "ouch" you feel is what others feel when you bite them,he never bit again. i don't know what the right answer is for you but good luck

mamadiva Mon 20-Jul-09 13:54:16

Try not to worry about it, no it's not ideal for you or DD but we all have our limits and sometimes the little buggers angels can overstep them! It was a one off and in this situation I'd probably done the same thing.

My mum has always done this with me and my siblings, when we bit we got bit needless to say we grew out of that phase pretty fast

Also the other day my son (3YO) was just nipping and nipping at my head the other day so I smacked him on the arm after hours of tantrums, whinging and hitting. I felt very guilty as like you it's out of character but it does'nt seem to have bothered him much because he has'nt ran away yet

HollyBunda Mon 20-Jul-09 13:55:39

Just thinking that it's not because she couldn't have the date & banana bar. A new sibling is a real stress on young children.
She is reacting to the new baby.
My dd started to steal from shops after my ds was born.

I understand the total frustration and anger you must have been feeling after she did that, but biting her back is not going to show her that it's wrong and will most likely add to her anger/resentment/unhappiness about the baby.

Definitely remove her from the room, and a reward chart really helped my dd with her behavior at this time. Well, what we did was fill a jar with little plastic teddies that she could turn in for a treat.

Show her the damage that she has done to the baby when you are both calm and talk to her about why it is wrong and that it hurts.
It takes a while, she may do it again, but try and stay calm if she does.

Lizzzombie Mon 20-Jul-09 13:56:11

My DS, 2.7 yo is a biter. Not so bad of late though which is good.
I can't bring myself to actually bite him myself but I use 2 techniques.
1. When I see him going for me (this only works if its on me) then I shove his own arm in his mouth before he gets me.
2. When he tries to or does actually bite, I go through the same speech: "Mummy doesn't bite, Daddy doesn't bite, name of older child next door doesn't bite, name of girl down the road he worships doesn't bite, auntie so & so doesn't bite. DS doesn't bite." then, "Biting is nasty and naughty"
If he gets bitten by another child he will recite this himself now.

In fact, since he started getting bitten by other (younger) children in our circle of friends he has practically stopped himself! Although he did get me this morning as I was being lazy and not getting out of bed.

I had to sign the incident report form at nursery about 4 times over him biting, I was mortified.
It is a very common phase, but very nasty.

The Toddler Taming book I have suggests its an attention grabbing technique. And the best way to deal with it is to lavish attention onto the bitee and ignore the biter.

Hope your baby is ok.
Best of luck x

MovingOutOfBlighty Mon 20-Jul-09 13:56:57

Totally understand why you did it. Probably would have done so myself.

arabicabean Mon 20-Jul-09 14:10:08

I can't empathise with you as I have never lost control and bitten my toddler.
I hope that things get better. There are some good books on toddler behaviour, perhaps these would prove useful.

sherby Mon 20-Jul-09 14:13:54

I can sympathise, DS bit DD this just now and made her bleed

But I don't think showing your child something is wrong by doing the same thing to them is very helpful

Although I have no suggestions myself, so don't really have anything else to add.

Sorry!

Mamashep Mon 20-Jul-09 14:53:11

Just fed poor baby boy, he haswhat looks like nasty blisters on his fingers where the lil terror bit him...I am sorry for biting her, but if she doesn't bite him again, or anyone else for that matter, it will have worked[hmmm]
As for books, got'em all but its very hard to implement when you're in the thick of itblush
Thanks for all advice/chat x

Rhubarb Mon 20-Jul-09 14:56:30

You bit her? You actually bit her in order to tell her not to bite? And others say they would have done the same?

A slap in anger I could understand, but a bite? That's not a reaction in anger, that's controlled and planned and wicked.

No sympathy here from me.

If you'd been a dog biting a child you would have been put down.

jeminthepark Mon 20-Jul-09 15:02:27

Yeah but OP sounded like she felt her behaviour was out of control, it iS weird others are condoning it tho.

I hope this phase passes fast- hopefully someone can give you strategies to use , that may prove useful?
It must have been upsetting for everyone all round- I remember those early days, with a new baby and young 'un....not easy.

Get rl advice and strategies, hope you are all ok.

dilemma456 Mon 20-Jul-09 15:10:31

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ErnestTheBavarian Mon 20-Jul-09 15:21:29

I can't get my head round you biting her tbh. I really can't shouting at her, screaming at her even, putting her out of the room. But I just can't get the biting thing. Even more confusing for her that you bit her (you weren't the one she bit) it's not even 'natural concequences'. It must be illegal, surely? Please, pleae don't do it again. Your dd ight well bite again, but you really shouldn't. And if she is so jealous of baby, you need to keep a lot closer eye on her near baby.

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 20-Jul-09 15:30:38

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jeminthepark Mon 20-Jul-09 15:32:02

Agree with shineycrazy lady

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 20-Jul-09 15:36:06

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Mamashep Mon 20-Jul-09 15:47:29

Erm, well I was actually using this forum for a bit of support, and advice so thanks to all of those who gave me some support and reassurance. Top marks for seeing that I was at the end of my tethersad And to those who think I should be put down and am a really bad mother...well I am happy that you have such perfectly behaved children and I hope they continue like that. With a self-righteous, judgemental parent like you, they should have the best chancegrin

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 20-Jul-09 15:52:39

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lal123 Mon 20-Jul-09 15:57:00

I agree with rhubarb and ernest - I can understand losing your temper and shouting or even hitting child as an immediate reaction - but actually CHOOSING to bite your child??

I'm not self righteous and certainly don't have a perfectly behaved child, but don't see why support and reassurance should be given to you when I don't think you did the right thing?

jeminthepark Mon 20-Jul-09 15:57:36

Shiney- yep they do happen. I am not a perfect parent myself, have made loads of mistakes(and, to reaaly add fuel, check my history-I'm a recovering alkoholic).Still agree with what you wrote tho.

god we all do things we regret. It's what we do after and how we move on that counts.

ilovemydogandmrobama Mon 20-Jul-09 16:00:08

Actually have the opposite problem -- DS (16 months) bites DD (3 years), but he only tends to do it in self defence, and usually when she corners him.

Does she understand that biting the baby is wrong?

Shenaya23 Mon 20-Jul-09 16:00:59

One over-reaction doesn't make a bad parent.

I think when people bite their DCs back it's not to teach them that it's ok, and no child is daft enough to think so. It's to teach them that it hurts, and that is why they shouldn't do it. IME (and i've know several parents who have done this) it's only one bite back - because any more would be showing that it's ok.

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 20-Jul-09 16:02:14

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lal123 Mon 20-Jul-09 16:07:42

agree that this does not make OP a bad parent!!! What should she be advised to do? Well I'd say not to bite her child again!

Hammy01 Mon 20-Jul-09 16:51:52

Mama I can sympathise with the feelings you had that led to you biting back.
Like someone else said, put it down to experiance and tomorrow is another day.
I must admit, I had a moment very close to yours on saturday when my 5.5 DSS bit - very nearly drawing blood- on my DS who is 2.5yrs. When I asked DSS why he had done it, had DS kicked or hit him he just said no and smirked angry
I did see red big time.
He now has no DS next weekend to which he screamed in my face which was pleasent, but then thats a whole other story shock
Parenting is hard enough, we need to support each other not make each other feel worse, particularly when we feel crappy enough

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