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Some support in my decision not to leave my DD to cry!

(25 Posts)
roseability Mon 20-Jul-09 13:33:12

I have a 5 week old DD

I am sick of people suggesting I should leave her to cry so that she will sleep better during the day

Yes I do want her to sleep so that my DS (3) can have some quality time with me but I am not prepared to put her out in the garden and let her scream to sleep as someone suggested.

At the moment I am either putting her in a sling (particularly when I am out and about) but still interact with my DS or swaddling her and letting her suck on a dummy in her pram until she gets into a deep sleep. I am BF so only use the dummy in this situation, when I know she is well fed and tired. The last couple of days she has done a long sleep with some persuasion and it has been lovely to have some time with DS

He does get jealous when I have to hold her a lot but I could never leave him to cry so why should I do this to my DD?

fluffyanimal Mon 20-Jul-09 13:36:36

Quite right too. Ignore all those telling you to leave her to cry. I think you are 100% right.

Wonderstuff Mon 20-Jul-09 13:40:34

5 weeks is far too young to be left to cry! Ignore them all, you are doing the right thing.

jellybeans Mon 20-Jul-09 13:41:44

Ignore them all. My DS did not sleep at all at night until 10 weeks when he was ready.

ssd Mon 20-Jul-09 13:42:08

rose, you are absolutely right, everyone is an expert when it comes to how you deal with your kids!!

your dd is far too young to be left to cry, I don't believe all this sleep training nonsense, my 2 could cry far linger than I could ever leave them(about a minute at the most!!)

do what suits you and your family, thats the best advice you'll ever get!

roseability Mon 20-Jul-09 13:51:45

thanks guys! I am more confident second time around but still prone to lapses in confidence when people offer advice that is contrary to my beliefs

My mother said 'she won't cry for long'. How does she know that for sure? Surely they think no one is coming? They are programmed by evolution to cry so that they are cared for and responded to?

roseability Mon 20-Jul-09 13:54:43

I think I feel guilty because of my DS. However I would not be able to spend quality time with him knowing she was screaming all alone.

I am just taking it as it comes. If she does do a long sleep, then I spend time alone with him. If not, she is carried and held and we do stuff together

Supercherry Mon 20-Jul-09 14:05:28

You are doing the right thing, I could never leave my DS to cry either and will do the same with DS2 when he arrives in October

Bleatblurt Mon 20-Jul-09 14:08:57

I agree with you completely! I have never left mine to cry and just couldn't. My DH is different and would drive me to want to punch his stupid head by constantly saying to leave them to cry themselves to sleep.

They are now fantastic sleepers and not at all clingy. Despite what people said. [rolley eyes]

angel1976 Mon 20-Jul-09 14:32:02

My MIL told me constantly to leave DS1 to cry it out. She told me she left my DH to cry in his cot from two weeks old (I'm always sorely to retort that 'Oh yes, and that's the reason why he is so close to you now that I have to make him call you every week!' But I won't cos I am the bigger person! grin). Well, I didn't and DS is such a great little sleeper now (mostly by luck!) and never fusses about going to bed. He was a PITA monster brat challenging baby but is a much easier toddler. I think he was just frustrated as a baby...

He is also an independent little soul and I wished we did more cuddles when he was little and couldn't run off!

Will be doing the same with DS2 (and enjoy him being little more) when he arrives in November! Stick to your guns.

roseability Mon 20-Jul-09 14:52:25

angel - your post struck such a chord

My DS was very difficult to get to sleep. I had a tough time with him (and PND sadly) but I didn't leave him to cry. He is a very independent 3 year old and has been an easier toddler. So much so that I too wish I hadn't wished away those days spent cuddling,rocking and breastfeeding him to sleep!

You enjoy numer 2 and follow your instinct

angel1976 Mon 20-Jul-09 15:22:16

Thanks roseability. If I knew what I knew now, I wouldn't wish away those early days. My DS is growing up really quick and getting so so independent it's incredible. He doesn't like my help when he's eating. He likes to feed himself, which is the cutest thing but does make me feel a pang of sadness that he is growing up so fast... I did wonder if I had PND with DS1 (I was certainly miserable and crying a lot and I never quite expected motherhood to be so so tough!). He doesn't even want to be cuddled to sleep anymore (not that he did much as a baby either...), he loves sleeping by himself in his cot.

Enjoy your DD, she is only 5 weeks old, still so little!

suwoo Mon 20-Jul-09 15:31:19

I never left mine to cry either- it instinctively was not right. The only downside is he has only just learnt to self settle at 2.7 and has only just started sleeping through but hey ho hmm.

I am having number 3 in 10 days and he will not be left to cry either

LittleMissTuffet Mon 20-Jul-09 16:58:30

Just throwing in my support smile

ChopsTheDuck Mon 20-Jul-09 17:02:22

' My mother said 'she won't cry for long'. How does she know that for sure? '

well in my experience, babies do sometimes cry because they are overtired, and you can leave them and ten minutes later they are fast asleep. I did this from about 3/4 weeks with my twins, a bit later with my singletons. Just in the evenings, when nothing would please them, and all they really wanted was a dark room and sleep.

It is YOUR choice though, you should keep doing whatever works for you and your dc.

specialmagiclady Mon 20-Jul-09 18:15:38

I found the sling incredibly helpful with DS2 - i was completely available for DS1 and could jiggle DS2 to sleep if I sensed him waking up.

He slept LOADS!

pispirispis Mon 20-Jul-09 19:30:14

I never left my dd to cry and just nodded and said "yep, mm hm, yes" to my mum when she started going on about how it does them no harm, etc. My dd cried non-stop for the first few weeks but at 3 months seemed to prefer to settle herself to sleep, and is certainly not clingy. In fact she was always trying to get me to put her down to let her play/explore. Ignore, nod, smile and do what you feel is right!

pispirispis Mon 20-Jul-09 19:31:50

Plus it's so lovely when they fall asleep on your chest and it's such a short time...hmm, might be a wee bit broody..

ginhag Tue 21-Jul-09 11:25:03

Yep would never leave ds to cry either.he's 18 mo

Trikken Tue 21-Jul-09 11:39:09

Chopstheduck, I found this with my ds too, although i think it was a little later on with mine. agreeing that it what works for you and your dc.

I too wouldn't leave my babies to cry themselves to sleep,I hate the thought of them feeling like they have been abandoned.

Do what you feel comfortable with.

squilly Tue 21-Jul-09 15:37:55

I never left dd to cry. She was fused to my hip permanently til she could walk, then she toddled after me.

I went back to work at 14 weeks, but only part time and only cos she had family care. I made the most of my time with her, so wouldn't dream of leaving her to cry.

Now she's 8. We never had terrible twos. She always slept well and independently at night. She's always been confident, secure and placid.

Now, it might be down to her nature, but I like to think it's because she knew her needs would be met so she didn't have to make a fuss about it.

You do what makes you happy.

maltesers Tue 21-Jul-09 15:44:57

yes, dont let a baby so young cry and cry......bigger babies, nearer one year , sometimes...... but not new borns etc.

dalek Tue 21-Jul-09 15:45:51

Just chucking in my tuppenny worth. If you don't want to leave her to cry then don't - no point in both of you being miserable.

I didn't leave dd to cry when she was very small (now 9) - I did cc when she was about 18 months - the most difficult thing I have ever done but for our family that was the right time. Do what makes you happy and if you decide to change your mind later that's fine - it's up to you and your immediate family

mamusia Wed 22-Jul-09 17:24:00

Well done - sounds like u r doing brilliant job and u r a lovely mum. it must get hard sometimes but DS will only learn to be compasionate little boy watching you take such good care of DD

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