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Permisive parenting/begnin neglect is this too much ?

(8 Posts)
naughtymummy Tue 14-Jul-09 12:23:48

Was at the park on Sunday alone with DS (5.3) and DD (2.9). DS has his bike with him, he is very proud he has just learnt to ride without stabilisers. In the playground we met a little friend from school also with his bike. It turned out the other boy's mother was on the other side of the park, not in the playground, out of site sunbathing on a rug. The boys wanted to zoom backwards and forwards between the other mum and the playground on their own.What do others think of this, I wasn't sure if this was ok or not realy, but they are fast on their bikes and very difficult to keep in site as I had DD with me. DS is my first so this is unchartered water. What do others think?

Tortington Tue 14-Jul-09 12:26:13

don't kow the geography - i would have to say that at 5 years old i would have to be in the line of sight and then let them ride off into the distance

juuule Tue 14-Jul-09 12:32:10

Line of sight for me too.

muggglewump Tue 14-Jul-09 12:33:55

It depends how far it was. I can't really say without knowing that

morocco Tue 14-Jul-09 12:36:21

depends what the park was like - lots of bushes/paths/chances to get lost? or quite straightforward down one path back and forth? also depends on your child. ds1 has a much better sense of direction than ds2 who is like his mum and gets lost when turned around grin
but no - not necessarily 'a step too far' - funny title btw grin was expecting far worse wink

KingCanuteIAm Tue 14-Jul-09 12:41:06

I would say it was ok if they were in line of sight of either you or the other parent at all times and they could be relied upon not to go anywhere else, no matter what - IME that is a big ask for a 5yo.

My dd has had it drummed into her but did not realise that it was not ok to go off with another child so went off to play in the river with a lad her ageish who clearly wanted a playmate. A scarey few minutes followed - which was not made better when I found hse had wandered off several hundred yards past the weir shock

It was a real reality check because, had you asked, I would have been totally confident that dd would never wander off without checking with me first. Her justification - she was not going off alone as she was with her friend, her friend was not a grown up stranger... so she was clear on all counts in her head hmm

naughtymummy Tue 14-Jul-09 17:00:24

Thanks, no not in line of sight. I was worried if they came off their bikes or the climbing frame. DS has a brilliant sense of direction and would drive home from school if allowed. So no concerns about being lost.I think clear bounderies are the answear you may go so far and no futher sort of thing. I am thinking maybe I should allow him a bit more freedom.

KTNoo Tue 14-Jul-09 19:36:44

Hard to say without knowing the child. I am all for giving them as much freedom as you can. I think there are 5 year olds who can be given freedom.

Where we used to live the houses were built in a square so the backs all faced onto a communal grass area/play park. There was a girl the same age as dd (then 5) who was always out there alone. Whatever time of day you looked, she was always there. My first reaction was to think the family didn't know/weren't bothered to check what she was doing. One day dd asked me if she could come into our garden and I said yes of course. But the girl would not come in, she said she's not allowed into gardens without asking her mum. I said she could go and ask her mum and when she came back she said, no, her mum said she can't because the mum doesn't know us.

I'm just saying you can wrongly judge a situation - I thought this girl was almost neglected when actually there were very clear boundaries in place which she was able to follow even though she was very young.

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