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Cant forgive myself - feel like worst mummy ever

(18 Posts)
Broodymomma Sat 11-Jul-09 20:57:19

Oh god I have had an awful day. My mu seriously ill in hospital, i have just had ivf and should not be stressing, my poor 2 year old ds left with me today after dh and I had a huge row and he went away. The day goes on and I am rushing to the hospital, struggling with ds who was playing up. When we got home he started playing up badly and he hit me hard in the face, for the first time ever I smacked his hand back hard and screamed at him. I am so ashamed of how i handled the situation and cant get the shocked look on his little face out of my mind. It was awful and I hate myself for it - i vowed i would never hit my child but i have been so stressed today and i just cant believe i took it out on him. Will he remember that at 2.4 years old? I feel sick when i remember the shocked look on his face he is only teeny. I havent stopped crying since i put him to bed.

amisuchabadmummy Sat 11-Jul-09 21:04:45

I did this. once. when my DS was hysterical.

The only thing i can advise is talk to him tomorrow, say mummy did a bad thing hitting, hitting is naughty etc. and say sorry.

He probably wont remember after a week and if he does it wont be with the same sense of horror you have at the moment.

Honestly, be kind to yourself, its not the end of the world.

The fact you are so upset shows you are a good mum.

Go and relax and reflect on all the good stuff you've done for him.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 11-Jul-09 21:10:47

God no wonder you snapped with all that going on.

Where the hell is your dh, he should be supporting you while this is all going on.

Your son will not remember this. Please stop crying if you can.

AitchTwoOh Sat 11-Jul-09 21:14:45

tbh i think that even at the age of 2.4 it's okay for them to see that sometimes, just sometimes, they can push you too far. you ARE only human and you are going through a hell of a lot atm. i take it you apologised and that you had a chat about how it's wrong to hit?

you must stop crying, your son won't remember being hit, but you will remember hitting him and won't do it again. which is as it should be, a one-off. please don't upset yourself, you've got so much on your plate at the moment. everything will be fine.

Joolyjoolyjoo Sat 11-Jul-09 21:17:22

I agree with the rest of the posters- give yourself a break! Your ds won't remember and I doubt it will affect him. IMO children know that are loved and know it are secure enough to deal with a one-off incident like this- it doesn't undo all the good stuff. You are understandably under a lot of pressure, and you are (presumably!) only human!

twoisplenty Sat 11-Jul-09 21:18:27

My ds hit me on the face once, and it shocked me so much that I hit him back (on his hand).

I think it's almost a reflex action to hit back when you've been hit on the face. It's such a shock.

What I'm trying to say is try not to feel bad. Your ds will not remember this. It won't have hurt his hand as much as it hurt you.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Sat 11-Jul-09 21:18:37

poor you he wont even remember tomorrow.

be kind to yourself

Broodymomma Sat 11-Jul-09 21:18:54

He is at T in the Park. Nice hey. Huge row as he decided to invite his pals back to stay. When mum got taken ill i asked him to cancel that as its just too much at the moment. We ended up having a massive row with him telling me to get a grip as people go through worse every day. Spent all day at hospital having to take it in turns visiting with my dad and walking ds around in his buggy. No wonder the poor wee soul was cranky tonight.

I had embryo transfer yesterday and am supposed to be resting and not stressing - thats what hurts the most re dh. Soworried i have ruined my chances getting in such a state.

All I do know is my poor little boy did not deserve the way i bawled in his face tonight and hit his hand. He has never looked at me ever like that - his little eyes looked so hurt. I cant stop thinking about it. We had a nice snuggle when i put him to bed and i said sorry and explained mummy was very wrong and that i love him. He does not seem bothered but i cant get his wee face out my mind.

Broodymomma Sat 11-Jul-09 21:21:07

thanks for all the messages. Feel such a wreck tonight

AitchTwoOh Sat 11-Jul-09 21:22:55

good luck with the embryo transfer, broody, sounds like you've had a hellish day altogether. tbh, without wishinig to patronise, you'll have been on such a cocktail of hormones that you'll not know which way is up, emotionally-speaking. give yourself a break, forget about that shocked face, go and replace it with a wee image of him sleeping soundly in his bed, give him a kiss, whisper i'm sorry, and then put your feet up and this day behind you.

lagaanisace Sat 11-Jul-09 21:26:16

I'm sure the general pattern of how you treat your child is much more significant than an isolated incident. The fact that you were upset with yourself says lots about you as a mum. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Yorky Sat 11-Jul-09 21:30:04

My 2 year old winds me up a treat and I have no parents in hospital and am not on a scary combination of hormones and emotions.
Seriously, give yourself a break. You are not proud of how you reacted, so it will not become normal - how much scarier if he hadn't been scared by you shouting.
You need to look after you, don't worry. He is fine, lots of hugs will make you feel better, I am certain he will forget before you do

amisuchabadmummy Sat 11-Jul-09 21:34:48

Oh love, the look on his face was just because it was so unexpected, which says a lot about how "good" you are about not losing it normally.

He loves you, he knows you love him.

It will be fine.

Just try and relax. Have a cup of tea and some cake or biscuits and PLEASE reflect on how you have been in the past, dont dwell on tonight.

Bet you anything your little one will wake up in the morning with a beaming smile for you.

geordieminx Sat 11-Jul-09 21:37:47

Take him out tomorrow, give yourself and him a break, buy 2 extra big ice creams - one each, and have a lovely day together.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow Sat 11-Jul-09 21:41:49

I agree with aitchtwooh and others. It's not such a bad thing for a toddler to know that their behaviour has consequences and can make people feel happy, sad, cross and so on. Of course you regret smacking his hand but it was the end of an extremely stressful day and wasn't typical. You've already talked to him about it and he went to bed happy.

Give yourself a break. Put your feet up, grab a chocolate bar (or another treat) and relax.

poshsinglemum Sun 12-Jul-09 08:46:12

TBH I don't think you did anything wrong- especially under the circumstances. He was pushing you to the limits- no wonder you snapped. It's not like you gave him the slipper which would have been common practice in the past.

poshsinglemum Sun 12-Jul-09 08:48:38

I know that smacking isn't great but is it the end of the world when done occasionally? Not at all.

Yorky Mon 13-Jul-09 19:23:30

Broodymomma, just wanted to say a quick "How are you doing?" I hope things are easing up for you, that your parents' conditions are improving and that you are looking after yourself as well as your family

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