Why do MY kids seem to talk so much more than others?

[Spidermama]

I have four children aged 10, 9, 7 and 4 and they talk to me non stop. I can't get away with a simple 'hmm' or 'uh huh' in response either. I always have to look at their art work several times before it has finished.

It's driving me mad.

But for the odd day or two DH is away touring from now until Septemper.

I look around at other kids in the parks and playgrounds and they don't seem to demand as much attention as mine do. DH is a big talker and also demands my attention. I'm wondering if they ALL take after him.

It's a pity because my family were the opposite. We barely talk to each other and so that's the way I was brought up.

I'm utterly craving some head space and I really think I might flip out if it goes on like this throughout the summer holidays.

Any advice or words of support, sympathy, understanding?

I'm off to heave my heavy bones up to the school run.

[Clockface]

Could you get them to talk to each other? (semi-humorous - sorry, no words of great wisdom as I talk ten to the dozen too.)

[Spidermama]

The talk to each other non stop too. The entire house is a cacophony of yakking and shouting and demands. There's always someone who's after a piece of me.

[Clockface]

If you have space at home, how about having a 'quiet room' with no TV/ music/ anything noisy in there, nad make it a summer hols rule that if you go into the quiet room, that means you want a bit of P&Q - so it's a place for reading, writing, drawing, quiet activities - and then say that you need a bit of quiet time every day, maybe at the same time to start with so they get the idea. So you go into the quiet room and have a good read or whatever you need to clear your head. They can come in a long as they are prpared to be quiet too. (So you're not separating yourself from them in a nasty way.)

They are probably old enough to cope with this. But you know your family / home...any mileage?

[madwomanintheattic]

lol, i've only got 3 (9,7,5) - i have no idea how we would ever fit another voice in around here!

they all know full well my favourite story is 'five minutes peace' so every now and then i go 'mrs large' and sit in the bath.

i love the idea of a quiet room...

[Spidermama]

Yes I like the quiet room idea Clockface.

I know that story madwomanintheattic. If I remember rightly though, Mrs. Large loses the battle for five minutes peace and ends up having all of them in her bath or something.

[madwomanintheattic]

quite right. then she gets out and leaves them in there whilst she drinks tea in the kitchen.

so all we need is locks on the outside of the bathroom door and we can cage them for a while.

at adult height, natch.

locking yourself in the bathroom isn't so effective, as they just stand outside and turn the handle and jabber through the wood.

[fruitshootsandheaves]

buy a parrot!
think how much fun they would have talking to it all day and you could teach it to shout shut up answer them.

[Clockface]

If I had a spare room of any description, I'd line the walls with bookshelves and put beanbags and a really comfy sofa in there, and a desk to write at, and make it as welcoming and inspiring as poss - maybe have a "Shhhh! Quiet Room! sign on the door. Bliss.

I used to run a school library and I fought hard for silence in there, for at least part of each day. Silence is soooo under-valued in our culture. But you're right, it's essential to mental health. So I'd say, fight for a place of silence in your home.

In my case as we haven't got any spare space, we make "quiet time" - the hour before the dc go to bed. They draw / read / write - no TV / computer / music / even chat with us (although we are a very chatty family). This is so good for the dc (who are 5 and 6) and also for dh and me. Since we started it, ds's creativity has really developed. We're moving house over the summer and this is somehting I really want to keep up.

[madwomanintheattic]

i'm forever turning the radio off here. dh has it on morning, noon and night, as if the children didn't provide enough background noise... he gets the right hump, but sometimes my head just needs less stimulation.

i am loving the quiet room idea. and we are moving next month, and will have a spare sofa...



the new mn mantra 'fight for a place of silence in your home'

[Barmymummy]

Oh gosh this thread is making me feel so much better. My 2 kids are equally loud/non stop talking and as soon as they are out I turn the TV and radio off craving some quiet. I feel like I am going to boil over with frustration at not having a moments peace to myself. The absolute worst thing is that my son (4) begins every single sentence (and I mean EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE) with "mummy?"....it seriously drives me mad. I badly want to change my name.

No advice, just thank you for making me feel normal!

[amisuchabadmummy]

I have ONE and all day it is non stop chatter.

Favourite at the moment is WHY? and also him spending 5 minutes outlining the plot of some imaginary game we have to play.... I dont even get to choose my own script !!!

Its completely freaky when he's quiet for 30 seconds, I get a massive panic attack as if I've left him in the trolley at tescos or something !

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

DD talks non stop. All day long.

She isn't like other children but think talking/communicating/being loud is good. Yours have a personality.

[Horton]

I've got one of these, too. She's 2.9 and she literally cannot do a thing without narrating it and demanding 'Listen to me, mummy, no listen properly. You're not listening!'

It is really exhausting. I can only imagine what it would be like with three.

We went to the swings today and there was another little girl there of a similar age. DD absolutely blasted her with chatter - 'hello, what's your name, what's your mummy's name, what toys have you got at home, what swing do you like best, what colour do you like best, do you like going upside down, do you like jokes, look at MEEEEEEE, do you like roundabouts better than swings, do you want to go on the horsey, do you like this flower, are you bigger than me or smaller, can I touch your shoes, can I touch your hair, can I see your picnic, are you my friend, will you come and see the grass with me' etc etc etc. The other girl must have got about three words in edgeways (not that she was trying very hard, she just looked freaked out and who can blame her). Also other girl seemed like a nice quiet restful sort of child. But you can't stop them, can you? I mean, I don't want DD to stop talking or feel she can't say what she thinks. I did remove DD when she was freaking the other little girl out by stroking her shoes.

[Horton]

Also, the words 'Mummy, can I tell you a story?' are currently making me want to run far far away.

[KTNoo]

Spidermama I was so happy to see your post as I could have written it.

I only have 3 admittedly, 8, 6 and 3, but they all talk non-stop. I am a SALT! You'd think I would be happy about it.

I can really relate to the head-space thing. I am an only child so grew up in a nice quiet house where people could think their own thoughts in peace.

Don't think I'm particularly good at dealing with it. I try to get them to talk to each other, but they are so different. dd1 like to caht with em about anything, whereas ds is on his own planet and butts in the whole time with irrelevent observations. Today I was trying to tell them about plans for the day when ds pipes up with "Mummy, when you are not in the sun your shadow does not exist." OK. dd1 thinks everything ds says at the moment is "Sooooo stupid". Once I got so fed up I banned the word "Mummy" for 30 mins. They will probably remember me running around saying "No Mummy! No Mummy!"

I try to make them take turns to talk, but the subtle appraoch hasn't worked, so the only thing that does is the palm of my hand in the face of whoever has interrupted. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this really.

[Spidermama]

Horton spot on there. I love your hilarious description of your dd talking at the girl in the park. I recognise this.

The problem is that in theory it's great and nice that they talk. Express themselves etc etc. But I really have to think about my mental health with DH away all summer holidays. So it's fine balancing act.

I don't want to tell them off as such, but I need to be allowed into my own head from time to time.

KTNoo I too have banned the word mummy and said, 'Nope. No mummy' when they use it.

I also have this game we play at dinner times. We have a clock in the kitchen and we play 2 minute silence. Everyone has to be completely quiet for two minutes. It just provides a little breather.

I'm downstairs in the kitchen/dining room area now and have banned anyone from coming down for the next half hour. They're running around upstairs aguing and screaming. This is what I find. If I'm not constantly vigilant and supervising, it descends into Lord of the Flies within minutes.

It's going to be a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong summer.

[KTNoo]

Mine have been doing that since dinner time too! And my dh is also away all summer!

We should get this lot together and let them talk the hind legs off each other.

[notnowbernard]

Mine are hassle-merchants too

DD2 doesn't stop wittering, but I think that's her age (2.10)

DD1 getting less so at 5.8

But they really do harass other people, bombarding them with endless questions and statements... I can relate to the freaked out girl in the park scenario VERY well...

[Spidermama]

KTNoo I think that my kids get used to having DH around and expect to have a high level of their demands met and stories listened to. Then I'm left on my own with them and they fail to adjust their expectations. I need to find a way to get them to back off a bit.

[notnowbernard]

lol Spidermama... have also banned "Mummy" from time to time. Instructed them to address me as Doris as a preferable option

Being in the car is hard work

[jemart]

Organise some playdates, send them to grandparents for the day. Failing all else dare I say it get a babysitter and then go out for a few hours?

I feel your pain my kids are like this too.

[RedLentil]

My oldest two are like this (DS 6 and DD1 just 3). Everyone comments, when they can get a word in, that they have never heard the like of them.

DS's teacher was a bit freaked out by him at first I think and the one thing he gets into trouble for at school is chatting a lot ...
He finds this very upsetting.

Mostly I love the chat, but I totally empathise with how wearing it can be.
I find when I get silence I start to panic and put on talk radio to fill the void.

Strategies we use: when it gets really crazy, I say calmly that mummy's head is full up now with chat and no-one can talk to me until the level has gone down a bit.

They take this completely seriously and it wins me a few minutes piece.

The last half-hour before bed is theoretically quieter than the rest of the day. I also have 'mummy time' for about 15 mins after lunch. They can be in the same room but they need to let me think for a bit.

DD1 told my sister, very proudly, 'I have a very screechy voice and I talk a lot of bunkum.' Talking bunkum is an honourable art form here.

I talk a lot too though so that doesn't help. And DD2 (11 months) picked up a toy torch today and started shouting 'allaaa' into it in the manner of a small Dom Joly.
It can only get worse.

[siblingrivalry]

Oh, this thread has made me feel so much better.
I have 2 dds and dd2(4) just won't be quiet. There's a never-ending barrage of questions and requests -I feel like my brain is going to bleed!

DD1 and I are the same in that we crave solitude and silence, so we both struggle to cope with dd2's constant drivel conversation.

A typical example is in the car tonight, with the radio on to drown her out :"Who sings this song? Is it a happy song? Are there 2 ladies singing? How much longer is it on for? What song's on next? Is Michael Jackson going to sing next? Did he sing lots of songs? Which is youir favourite?....."
ad finitum.
I honestly didn't know whether to cry or to laugh hysterically.
So you all have my sympathy - I know how totally draining it is.At times, I fear for my sanity.

[RedLentil]

Peace ... I meant a few minutes of peace

[Spidermama]

Siblingrivalry I'm glad you have an ally. My four have all inherited their dad's chatty genes. It seems my peace-and-quiet gene is recessive.

I love the car conversation about music. I bet she was so cheerful too you don't have the heart to say 'Shut up and LISTEN to the music'.

Sometimes I worry that this level of constant talking leaves no room for reflection and for letting the world happen to you.