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please tell me they don't remember much before they are two....

(18 Posts)
megcleary Wed 08-Jul-09 13:57:28

I have just screamed at the very top of my voice a dd who is 22 months old and terrified her and feel like the scumbucket shit mother I am

she was due her nap was tired and rubbing her eyes and i popped her in her cot same as always and she started screaming like i had never heard before check all ok she jsut wailed every time i closed the door and wound herself up more and more

I sang to her talked to her barginged with her still more screaming and i just screamed her mane at her and she completely freaked rightly so i cuddled her for an age and said sorry and laid her down she cried again and i stayed with her till she fell asleep now I am sobbing one for being such a bitch to my child and two cos i am dreading bedtime

advice please and have I completely fucked her up by screaming at her

sorry for the swearing

RenagadeMum Wed 08-Jul-09 14:00:21

I scream at mine occasionally.
Most mums do at some point as children were put on this earth to drive you mad periodically.
I think both of mine are ok despite the occasionaly scream. Give her lots of cuddles later.

mrsruffallo Wed 08-Jul-09 14:03:13

You sound like a wonderful mummy to me. I've screamed at my DC when they were this age and although it's not good they positivity you bring each day will outweigh this experience.

megcleary Wed 08-Jul-09 14:16:55

the hysterical crying at naptime has never happened before and i just didn't and don't know how to deal with it and for the first time in months dh ahs to work late so i am utterly dreading bed time

thank you for replying i don't know where my scream came from i didn't think i was losing the plot but i must have snapped sad now

ElenorRigby Wed 08-Jul-09 14:20:56

I think the fact you are so upset that you lost your temper briefly shows you are a good mum!
Everyone snaps sometime, dont beat yourself up about it

megcleary Wed 08-Jul-09 14:36:11

she is jsut a sweet heart 99% of the time and does not deservea witch like me for a mother

HumphreyCobbler Wed 08-Jul-09 14:37:31

We all snap occasionally.

I have screamed at both mine a few times, I am sad I did it but I don't think it did them any lasting harm

Greatfun Wed 08-Jul-09 14:40:05

If its any help I am not proud of it but have been there and worn the t-shirt and my DD is fine (almost 4). Re: the screaming by your DD. It could be seperation anxiety or her just seeing what happens if she makes a fuss at bedtime wink. DD has done this and DS occassionally as well. Personally, if this is a one off I would sit with her and comfort her whilst trying to get her to go in the cot. I remember one night where DS was like this all night. I just went with it and sat with him until he eventually nodded off and I put him in his cot.
If it then becomes a habit I would sit with her until calm and then put her in the cot and leave for 5 mins, go in and comfort put back in cot and then leave for 7 mins ans so on. I have done this with DS and he has always gone to sleep after 10 mins. I prefer to not go straight for the training type approach (leaving them to cry) the first time it happens as I guess sometimes he may just need more cuddles than normal for what ever reason.

kiddycat Wed 08-Jul-09 15:19:38

poor you - its perfectly normal to lose your rag - I've done just like loads of other mums. See tonight how she copes with bedtime, it may be that time to retrain her bedtime habits. My son used to go to bed with his bottle and music, then he refused to go to sleep, it took us a while to coax him back and after a week or so he was back to normal. I dont believe in letting a kid cry in bed, its so important to me for a kid to go to sleep happy. Give in and give her lots of cuddles, she wont be young for long so enjoy it!
Kim
http://www.kiddycat.co.uk

CinnabarRed Wed 08-Jul-09 17:02:03

Completely agree with all of the above posts - I think you sound like a great Mum having a hard time today, and not a witch at all.

Greatfun's advice on how to cope with in-cot crying is excellent. I have had very positive results using exactly that approach. If your DD cries at bedtime tonight then give her cuddles and assume it's a one-off (and then give yourself a favourite treat - wine, chocolate, hot bath, trashy TV, whatever!). If she does it for more than, say, three days in a row without obvious cause (such as teething or illness) then give serious thought to whether she's testing boundries and implement Greatfun's technique.

PortAndLemon Wed 08-Jul-09 17:05:57

Read this thread. You are not alone. Most of us lose it sometimes.

twoluvlykids Wed 08-Jul-09 17:15:20

do not worry. Mine are teenagers, very close in age, and many times we all cried together in the early years.

they are happy and well adjusted.

although dd has a phenomenal memory and sometimes says "remember when...." and goes back years, she's never said "....you screamed at me and called me a name"

Sarraburd Wed 08-Jul-09 18:07:25

yes mine is five amd remembers all sorts of things back to when she was one (as does DH...so sorry some people do!) but has never once mentioned me screaming at her (we all do it, don't beat yourself up about it) and instead is always saying how much she loves me ahh! agree lots of cuddles and greatfun's approach if it persists....

AnybodyHomeMcFly Wed 08-Jul-09 18:18:08

Don't worry, everyone loses the plot occasionally. I have been known to yell at ds to SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP when he is shouting at me while I try to park (not that it works mind). Doesn't make u a bad mother.

meandjoe Wed 08-Jul-09 19:43:49

I'm amazed it took you 22 months to lose your temper! I screamed at ds when he was 20 weeks old and I have never ever forgiven myself for it. He was just so young and my expectations of a baby were completely unrealistic. I remember just holding him and screaming in his face for him to shut up (he was a difficult baby who never stopped crying for about the first 10 months of his life so in my pathetic defence it was a tough time for me and him).

I felt terrible and phoned my sister at work to come and sit with us cos I didn't trust myself with him anymore, I felt like such a monster for being so evil to him. I felt I didn't deserve him and he certainly deserved a better mum than me.

He's 23 months now and I really don't think there was any lasting damage! He is a kind loving little boy who adores me and always says 'luff you mummy'.

Don't beat yourself up luv, I bet 99% of mums have done it. As you feel terrible afterwards it shows that you are a good mummy and you shouldn't dwell on it. Your dd won't even remember it by next week with all the love she gets from you. You are not a bad mummy.xxx

megcleary Wed 08-Jul-09 21:20:47

Well bedtime went well have no idea what happened at naptime tahnk you all for the replies

am going to programme myself to count to ten i have been cross before it has not taken 22 months but the way it came upon me shocked and upset me and of course her

tomorrow is another day

poshsinglemum Thu 09-Jul-09 14:16:33

Please don't worry- she'll be fine. I think it's normal. I have snapped at 12 month old dd this wk as she has been throwing tantrums and I feel bad but we are not saints remember. Buttons do get pressed.

sleeplessinstretford Thu 09-Jul-09 20:08:49

mine has done nothing but say 'no' since 9am this morning-even when not being asked a question.she's 21 months old and if we get another day like it tomorrow i am ringing her daddy to come deal with her as i can't stand it-doesn't help i've got an abcess and am really really tired but for FUCKS FUCKING SAKES she's really pushing my buttons today/yesterday/since the 'no' thing started on sunday-is also on hunger strike. we all do it. i put her in her cot today as i actually couldn't stand listening to her, stuck her in her cot and found a packet of dp's fags and stood in the garden smoking.listening to her saying NO NO NO

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