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Help me to decide what to do about having DC3

(15 Posts)
SpudtheScarecrow Tue 07-Jul-09 19:39:52

Those of you with 3 or more DC, or those who maybe wanted more but decided to stop at 2 could you please let me know your experiences as we really don't know what to do about having another DC.

DH and I always planned to have (at least) 3 DCs and at the moment have 2 DS aged 2 and nearly 4 (a 22 month gap) and in a way I'd quite like to start trying for DC3 so that they're all quite close together (think we'll probably stop at 3 cos I had 2 CS and think one more will be enough) However, DS2 was such a difficult, colic-y baby and bad sleeper that I found it really hard going from 1 to 2 so think I must be mad to consider starting again. Particularly if the next one is such hard work. However, I love seeing how close DS1 and DS2 are so I'd like the next one not to be too big a gap especially as I'm pretty sure there won't be a DC4 to keep him/her company. Add to this I don't really like being pregnant - am tired and grumpy and never really bloom - and probably have third CS to look forward to and I think it would be sensible to stop at 2 - things are manageable after the mad baby years! However, I think I'd always feel my family wasn't quite complete.

I love to hear how people coped with 3 or more all close together but also how it worked out if you have 2 then a big gap before having no3 or if you decided to stick with 2.

Thanks so much if you made it this far with my ramblings, I don't post much but am a regular lurker!

shhhh Tue 07-Jul-09 23:52:11

I could have written this smile.

Dh & I always wanted a large family...around 5 dk's..

We had x2 mc's before we finally got dd (4) and now have ds (2) so same age and gap as your 2....I don't think we will have the 5 we dreamt of (mainly as once you have lo's things become a reality and you realise how hard it is iykwim..) BUT I can't see myself NOT having more. I guess people/women must get to a stage in life where the know they won't have any more...im yet to get to that stage hmm.

I sit and think, oh, when im next pregnant etc. Dh and I both would like more but there are factors against..as you prob are now, we are at a stage where dd is quite independant (well for a 4 yr old) and ds is such a cutie and I do think im mad going back to the baby stage.

Dd was the prefect baby (maybe not ideal 4yr old..hmm) YET ds was born with a genetic disorder which saw him have op's and was very ill I guess till he was around 22 months old. The last 6 months have seen him thrive )fingers crossed it continues). It scares me if he gets ill again once/if we have another and also worries me if the next is born with ds's disorder (gentic which isn't known in our family iykwim)...

so we to are faced with + & - for having a 3rd...

I would love another now as the age gap is good, wanted closer but not possible so now is a good substitute...but then I worry about coping.
How hard is it..? im a sahm and quite OCD about having a tidy home. Can just about manage it now although worry if I added to my brood..

Hmm............not helped you much but hopefully someone will be along sometime soon to help make the decision easier for us.smile. xx

vacaloca Tue 07-Jul-09 23:58:35

Yes, I could have also written your post a couple of years ago. In the end the longing won't go so just as we decided to go for it, I found out I was already pregnant with the third. Amazingly the pregnancy was easier than the other two (I'd suffered with SPD with the others and generally I don't 'do' pregnancy very well) and also I had a vaginal birth after two CS so the recovery was easier too. I had worried about the physical aspect of another pregnancy and birth.

Also DC3 was a complete angel and DC1 (4.5) was and still is soooo helpful. It was lovely seeing it all through her eyes - she was so excited about the baby and has helped so much - looking after the baby, entertaining DC2 while I dealt with the baby, etc. The first few months were generally quite easy. It got a bit trickier when DC3 was around 6months.

I now definitely feel the family is complete, I don't have that yearning for another child that I had before. If your body is asking you for another baby, listen to it.

shhhh Wed 08-Jul-09 00:05:52

what a lovely reply vacaloca.smile.

You are right, my body does yearn for the 3rd BUT something in me holds back...the worry about the extra work with the 3 lo's and also the fact I am only now back in shape having lost the 3stone I put on after the 2 births..ALTHOUGH i have always said, I would loose the weight then have another baby and this time i more determined to not let go iykwim..I know how hard it is to loose the weight.don't want to go there again..

So you found the 3rd pregnancy better.? pregnancy is not so bad for me, also had spd and large babies (9lb 4 & 9lb 13) but hope that the 3rd would be smaller..? also the option after 2 vb to opt for a cs following long birth with my 2nd and due to size. (im also 4ft 11).

Like the comments that the 4yr old help out, that made me want to have another. Think dd would love a bro or sis smile. In fact think ds would as well! both ask for another lo.grin

PlumBumMum Wed 08-Jul-09 00:18:23

I have 3dcs and although our house is definitely alot more chaotic with dd2(now 2.7) I wouldn't have it any other way,

She is so different from dd1 & ds and she just adds that extra character to our family,
Although dc3 seems to grow up alot quicker she is just busting to be like her big sister

I have posted on here before about this, my mums friend said to me when I told her I wanted 4dcs(I had 2 at the time),
"I always wanted 4, but when I had 3 I realised OI only had 2 hands"
I find it abit crazy but I love it!

SpudtheScarecrow Wed 08-Jul-09 09:49:35

Shhhh, you sound just like me - I feel like I've just 'got over' having 2 babes close together - the weight, the chaos, the lack of sleep etc but am pretty sure the feeling of wanting another won't go away. It's just when to do it. I'd been thinking maybe when a year's time when DS1 is in school and DS2 at preschool more (I'm a SAHM mum too)but now I'm wondering if that's a bit too big a gap and it'd be best to just get on with it now so that DS1 and 2 will be more like 4.5 and 2.5 than 5.5 and 3.5

Vacaloca - you've given me hope that it's not a given that the pregnancy and birth will be the same as the last 2. I didn't have SPD just felt horrible and tired all the way. Might just see what happens, not try for no3 but not actively not try maybe iyswim wink

SpudtheScarecrow Wed 08-Jul-09 10:24:23

Plum -what's the gaps between your 3?

McDreamy Wed 08-Jul-09 10:30:36

I have 3 and went through the same emotions before deciding to go for number 3. I actually found going from 2-3 easier than 1-2 in some ways.

DD1 is 6
DS1 is 3 (nearly 4 and about to start school in Sept)
DD2 is 5 months

The newborn stage was hard work as no matter how bad the night I HAD to get up and do the school run. I also had 3 sections but recovered well from all of them. If anything it was the pregnancy that I found the hardest. I was very tired and of course still had 2 children to look after but it went by SO fast!

Go for it I am sure you won't regret it! smile

vacaloca Wed 08-Jul-09 10:33:17

That was my policy and then it turned out I was already pregnant when we decided to actively try. So it sounds like a good plan. wink

Oh, and my 3rd was also considerably lighter (7lbs 8oz, compared to over 9lbs with the others) despite being a boy.

And I enjoyed him so much more as well because I knew it was my last and was confident in what I wanted - namely cuddle him all day long and feed him as long as he wanted.

The older ones were 4.5 and 2.2. They adore DS. BUT I work part time so they were in school/nursery 4 days a week and it was easy to concentrate on the baby for a few hours.

McDreamy Wed 08-Jul-09 10:34:56

"And I enjoyed him so much more as well because I knew it was my last and was confident in what I wanted - namely cuddle him all day long and feed him as long as he wanted."

grin I know that feeling grin

PlumBumMum Wed 08-Jul-09 10:58:27

Spudthescarecrow Mine are just turned 8, about to be 6 and dd2 will be 3 in November.

I definitely think no3 had to just fit into our lives, with school runs etc, did feel guilty she probably didn't get as much of my time as dd1 & ds but she was getting loads of attention from them it made up, I love that dd1 is that bit alder as she takes just as much delight in dd2 reaching any milestones

PlumBumMum Wed 08-Jul-09 10:58:45

alderhmm older

scrummymum Wed 08-Jul-09 14:54:29

Another one here who feels exactly the same. I have a DD who is 5 and in school and a DS who is 18 months. I always thought I would have 2 DC's as that is the norm in my family but now the yearning for a 3rd is here.

My DH has some doubts although I think he would go with it if it is something I really want. He is worried about the financial side of it (I am a SAHM so earning the money is all on his shoulders), room in the house (we have a 3 bedroom house so DC's would have to share, we move or make our loft space into a bedroom, more cost), more chaotic (we both like to keep our house tidy(ish) and like things to be organised), and finally how others would react. My parents would be shocked but not too bad, but my MIL has already made comments about us not having anymore. She is a funny thing and is likely to really have a problem whether that be going in a mood with us, not helping out with babysitting etc or taking it out on the kids. I know you shouldn't do things for other people but she lives a few doors down from us so there is no getting away from it.

All that said, the feeling I have to have a 3rd seems to make all that seem doable. Money is my main concern. How more expensive is having another??????

You are definitely not alone.

shhhh Wed 08-Jul-09 15:46:11

spud, thanks for starting this thread btw smile.

Im a sahm and dh wouldn't think twice about another..although he seems wary at tmes like I do but mainly down to how i/we will cope and also due to ds being ill etc...
There are times when we think, maybe ds' illness was a sign to stop iykwim. He is fixed and doing well but part of me thinks "hmm, what if someone upstairs is trying to hint to us"

TBH,I think we will have a 3rd...all of our friends have stopped at 1 or 2 and both our families stopped at 2 so I guess we want to break the mould wink

SpudtheScarecrow Wed 08-Jul-09 21:09:36

Thanks for all your replies - have been out all day so just caught up. It's reassuring to hear so many positive stories, guess you're much more likely to wonder 'what if' than regret going for it with DC3. I think I'm maybe worrying too much about the gap and thinking I have to have one now or not at all. I'm pretty sure we will try at some point tho. Part of me thinks it'd be nice to have a bigger gap and then I can just relax and enjoy no 3 but on the other hand it'd be lovely to have a 'gang' of 3 close together.
Guess it'd work out either way.

Shhh, I think like you DH would go along with whatever I decide cos I'm a sahm mum he knows I'd be doing most of the work. Although he started his own business last year so he feels the pressure of supporting us all. That's another thing, at the moment I'm just getting to a point where it's be fairly easy for me to do some work if I wanted/needed to and another 2 years of being PG then BF would set that back. However, another part of me thinks it's probably better to just carry on than go back to work and then stop again. Ho, hum. Would be good if I got PG with no3 by 'accident' but am a bit too much of a control freak for that to happen smile

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