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when does the screaming stop? going of my head.

(5 Posts)
yesballgames Mon 06-Jul-09 09:16:06

in the last week i have shouted things like "if you dont stop crying i will hit you!" . dd2 is 16months and has always hated going to sleep - unless i am directly in contact with her. if she wakes in the night its the same - no shush pat there there for my girl - just full throttle screaming until you are lying beside her holding her hand for maybe 2 hours.
morning starts with screaming at 5.45 and then she screams and cries till she can go, exhausted, back to bed about 10am. after that, she is fab - the cheekiest, happiest thing.
I am besotted by her and love her madly but this screaming is really taking me to places in myself I have never been - I feel like a nervous wreck most mornings and cant begin to tell people how awful it is as I am just one big moan at the moment!!!
there seems to be two ways of dealing with this, neither of which i can do properly - leaving her to scream is something i do half the time as i have dd1 to look after (am on my own all day and bedtime), the other half the time i do the hand holding so as to not totally annoy the neighbours and the foreign student we have staying (poor guy). and because in a perfect world, thats what i want for her, to know i am there and to feel that comfort. but when i cant bear it any longer, back ache from leaning over the cot, stomach growling from not having had time to eat, memories of talking to other mums who just put their kids down and walk out as they gurgle themselves to sleep... i get really angry... really scary....
all i wish for now is for this to be over, to get out of this screaming phase, get out of babyland...
so tired. really upset after a hideous morning. needed to rant. x

Wonderstuff Mon 06-Jul-09 10:50:13

Gosh it sounds like a nightmare, sympathies to you. My dd cries most evenings, hates being left to go to sleep, until recently we co-slept, it meant when shewoke in the night it was easier to settle her, i didnt have to get up and we both got more sleep. She is 20 months now and when she hit 18 mo she started sleeping through and she does cry less now, i think as her understanding improves and she can predict events it gets easier.

I think that you need two try to do a couple of things, when you get to the point you are going to shout you need to walk away from your daughter, leave the room do some breathing, scream into a pillow, whatever, but calm down before you go back to her.

I also think you need to try to be more consistant, if she can predict what will happen next she will be calmer. We have been trying getting my daughter to self-settle. We tuck her in, say goodnight and leave her. She is in a cot with the side down (because she co-slept she was never in the cot with the side up), so she gets up and we put her back, we don't give her any attention, we just put her back. We have been doing this for two nights and last night was easier than the night before. Previous to that we spent some nights not stroking her but staying with her, not making eye contact and ignoring her.

That may not work for you but you need to find a plan and stick to it, be consistant. Can you get any help at bed time for a few nights? It must be hard on your own.

yesballgames Tue 07-Jul-09 22:04:33

thanks for your post - things a bit better the last two days - maybe because i got my period!!!
I think you are right about being consistent and as soon as our guests leave, i will try a bit more. i also see that she is stil young and i am expecting alot ... just so tired. thanks again x

Wonderstuff Wed 08-Jul-09 08:56:54

I hope you get some better sleep soon. DD was up till 11 on Monday night - aarrgghhh

GooseyLoosey Wed 08-Jul-09 09:01:26

It all sounds awful. What happens if you bring her into bed with you at 5.45? Ds did the screaming at 2.00am thing for a long time until once when we were on holiday and I just could not let him scream because of other people, I took him into bed with me. When we got home I did the same (having sworn I would never do it). After a week, he only woke up about 1 night in 3 and after a month, he didn't wake up at all. I think he needed to know that we would be there for him if he needed us. Have no idea whether this would work for you, but have deffinitely been to that place where you just want them to shut up and would do almost anything to make them!

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