star charts and rewards, What do you do?(14 Posts)
Just wondered how others use sticker charts and the like to encourage good behaviour. What rewards do you give, what age are your children? Do your children have jobs to do which are rewarded or do you give rewards for any good behaviour. I'm a bit confused about it all.
I would like to give my DC's jobs to do around the house and to encourage them to do it. I can't afford to buy much in the way of presents etc to reward behaviour. My DC's are 6, 4 and 2.5.
We used a star chart (just a homemade picture that we drew stars on) for our dd when she was struggling with lights out time age around 5-6, we started with a small reward for 5 stars in a row the first time (can't remember what, but maybe a magazine?), but after that didn't do rewards, just getting the star IYSWIM.
It was really helpful for getting us through an awkward patch, but only as a one off I think.
Perhaps I can use the stars as rewards for tidying up. I wondered if anyone uses them all the time or for lots of things.
I use stickers instead of stars for my 2 grandsons ( my husband and I have had custody of them for 2 and a half years). I don't use these for everything, but for individual behaviors that each may be struggling with at certain times. For example: Ds1 (5-10) is not a morning person and he struggles with being pleasant, getting dressed in a timely manner etc. Earning a sticker towards something special has helped towards encouraging the desired behavior/result. I also found this system hugely helpful when toilet training my Ds2 (3.2). I don't believe in taking away stickers which have already been earned for good behavior as a punishment for bad behavior. I only use them positively.
I heard some MNers use pasta jars? No kids of my own yet but I tthink it's the same as a star chart, and when it's full, you give them a reward. Then you can put pasta in for loads of different things? Am I right?
I don't use them myself.
I hate them.
DH is a teacher and has a very low opinion of them too - reckons they lead to a "What's in it for me" attitude.
We are not UPers, but try not to go ott in terms of behaviorism.
Others swear by them, but they aren't for me tbh.
We only use rewards if DS is struggling too. Wiping his own bottom was one - he wouldn't even try because he was scared of getting poo everywhere, so if he tried he got a sticker. At the end of a week of trying he got a couple of quid to buy a comic. Normal things like tidying, helping lay the table, etc we just expect him to do.
I love this kind of reward structure but don't get too hung up on collecting stickers for purchased rewards.
I use this kind of thing all the time with the kids I work with and often find that receiving 1 sticker after 45-minutes of work is enough of a reward, especially if they get to choose the sticker and wear it on their jersey. I always have a stash of stickers in my bag ready to give random praise too. Most of the kids I work with have specific behaviour problems so it is a bit different, but I find rewarding them randomly for good behaviours, with say 2/3 stickers per day at the beginning works well. It is then up to the individual child whether they want to collect the stickers in a special scrap book, keep them to show Mum at the end of the day or just wear them on their jersey until they fall off.
I plan to use them with my DS when he gets older.
I don't think reward charts are helpful
DD1 just didn't get it, really (used 1 once for toilet training purposes)
I mean, it's essentially bribery, isn't it?
Which isn't a way I really want to operate on a day-to-day basis. Too much faffing
thanks for your replies all. The reason I asked about them is because I am struggling to get DD1 who is nearly 6 to do things when I ask instead of getting really stroppy with me ie crying/ foot stamping.
never used rewards/sticker charts.
My DSs are 4.5 and 2.5
I expect good behaviour - it's socially acceptable. I ignore bad behaviour (with a reminder that kind & gentle words are polite), and don't allow tantrums/huffing to get them what they want.
if there is hitting/kicking as a result of the DSs being cross, they go on the bottom of the stair and told that they are there to think about how to be kind. being cross is totally OK, losing your tempoer and hitting is not. Sort it out with words or come and find mum.
After the apologies, I always remind them how nice it feels when they can sort stuff out without hitting etc, and how nice it feels when everyone is happy.
DS1 is starting to get it, DS2 is a little monkey still!!
whyme, I imagine that she may be copying your 2.5 year old if he/she is having terrible 2 tantrums.
For both of them, Be tough - don't lose the rag (that is sooooooo hard for me) and don't give in. You don't necessarily have to send her off, just ignore, ignore,ignore.
However, at age 6, she may come up with a suitable compromise (my 4.5 DS1 has started doing this). As long as her suggestion is asked for in a normal, non-whiney voice and you think it's OK - do go with it. In that way, you are establishing a very mature relationship with her, and she will trust you that you do respect her opinion.
Thanks for that Highlander. Am trying to be reasonable with her . .
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