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Where am i ment to go?

(38 Posts)
BabyDubsEverywhere Sat 04-Jul-09 21:46:39

Serious question, mainly to sahm. I have a 7 month old, and a 22 month old, i have never taken them anywhere on my own. i once walked to the local shop 5 minutes away, but this was when DS would still go in a double buggy. I am currently being treated for pnd from my eldest, and whilst i am feeling much better in myself i still have the stumbling block of not doing anything with my kids. I convince myself that nobody with a 14months age gap goes out alone, but then i see my neighbour with 3 under 4 leaving the house all the time so I recon this may well be just me then??? But with little cash, no transport, and 2 babies, where the hell am i suposed to go???

CarGirl Sat 04-Jul-09 21:47:39


postnatal group get together?

toddler groups?

choufleur Sat 04-Jul-09 21:49:24

do you have friends you could meet somewhere? park? toddler groups? etc

jkklpu Sat 04-Jul-09 21:50:21

park to feed ducks? library with story-reading session? museum with lots of space to run around? city farm? anywhere with lots of space for running around

juuule Sat 04-Jul-09 21:52:04

Do you have a library nearby? Lots of libraries put on things during the week for under-5s. That might be worth looking into.
Is there a children's centre near you that you could go to the toddler groups and also pick up information on anything else going on in your area.
Your child clinic should be able to point you in the direction of things to do with under-5s, too. Call in or phone to ask.

Calling at any of these places will give you a walk out too.

How about a walk to the park some days?

Why won't your 22mo go into the double buggy?

LynetteScavo Sat 04-Jul-09 21:52:20

Do you have a park near by?

Is there a sure start centre or toddler group you could get to?

Sometimes 22 months olds need to be forced into a buggy so mums can get from a to b.

bigchris Sat 04-Jul-09 21:56:28

crumbs what have you been doing for the last 7 months sad
have you thought of contacting homestart? they will send a volunteer to come and help you for a couple of hrs a week, they can push the pram while you concentrate on your eldest

bigchris Sat 04-Jul-09 21:59:32

also strike up a chat with ur neighbour, ask her about local places to go

have you got ur eldest name down for a playgroup? they sometimes take 2 yr olds and if you can afford a couple of sessions a week it might be just the break you need

mrsruffallo Sat 04-Jul-09 22:02:43

Give the 22 monmth old something to eat whilst he sits in the buggy and you go to a parent and toddler group- be it in the local library or children's centre.
Park to feed ducks is a good one too

BabyDubsEverywhere Sat 04-Jul-09 22:08:26

I dont really have the confidence to go to a toddler group, to be honest even if I could go to the toddler group i dont know if i could get there! not physically, but mentally , oh this doesnt make any sense. everytime i think im okay now i realise that im still pretty nuts after all.

Is it really possible to go out with two of them. i never managed it with one. then i see other people do it so it must be possible.

I have a ton of friends but they dont have kids, the ones that do im not that close to. im not very good at managing my DS so i find it quite distressing being around people outside my home (comfort zone), even ones i know well.

MrsAsp Sat 04-Jul-09 22:10:12

Message withdrawn

Earlybird Sat 04-Jul-09 22:13:33

You say you have never been out with the dc on your own. That indicates that you do go out with them, just with someone else along. Who is that someone else? Could they go with you on a few trial runs, or 'shadow' you to mainly observe, but help if you needed it?

Maybe once you've been out on your own (while 'watched' from a distance), you will feel more comfortable going out completely on your own with the dc.

bigchris Sat 04-Jul-09 22:14:27

you poor poor thing
would any of your childless friends go with you? do you have any family nearby? how have you been coping not going out for so long? do u have a supportive partner?

CarGirl Sat 04-Jul-09 22:14:39

Have you contacted home start? They could come with you to toddler group and perhaps be the one responsible for your older one.

bigchris Sat 04-Jul-09 22:16:23

yes i suggested homestart earlier

BabyDubsEverywhere Sat 04-Jul-09 22:18:20

sorry im slow to reply, baby sleeping on me!I used to be sick when he screamed/cried, and he really does scream sometimes, often for nothing, hes quite strong willed and not talking yet so very frustrated. in truth i know hes bored. i play with him most of the day, around housework which seems never ending! but i know hes bored. he wants to walk, but wont walk holding hands etc so just charges about with my DH chasing him. (in good spirits) He is a bit of a brat. i feel scared that hes going to scream or cry or even be objectionable sometimes so i do what ever he wants. thats okay in the house, but that wont work for when we go out so answer - dont go out. see i am nuts! thing is my MIL takes them out on her own, i know really its just me, i was just hoping someone would say that going out with two this age is impossible, then i can draw the curtains n hide for a bit longer.

22months in a library? really? but the books are paper? they wouldnt stand a chance! and of course i wouldnt let him reck things, but hed want to, and me stopping him would make him scream.....

gigglinggoblin Sat 04-Jul-09 22:19:37

Where are you? someone on here will know the friendly toddler groups in your area, there are a couple round here where the helpers descend on you as soon as you walk in to help out and make sure you are comfortable.

Maybe you just need to start going for short walks to build your confidence before trying anything major. It is entirely possible to go out alone, even if it means you take the double buggy and half remains empty most of the time, you know you can wrestle the big one in to it if you have to.

Have a google, there are a few websites in my area tell you about local groups and we are a long way from london, chances are there is something for your area. Sure start and childrens centres are a good place to start looking

Earlybird Sat 04-Jul-09 22:19:45

Did you used to take your older child out on his own before the younger one arrived?

littleducks Sat 04-Jul-09 22:23:11

It is quite hard to come up with things without knowing your local area, could you get hold of a families magazine (normally at library, playgropus etc.) they list by date events happening in your local area

Is there a surestart childrens centre near you? They normally run toddler groups, called 'stay and play' etc. These are normally free or low cost

How far is local lbrary, they may run storytime or bookstart rhytime (singing nursery rhymes in a circle)

Lastly if you have a good hv maybe assk her for suggestions

BabyDubsEverywhere Sat 04-Jul-09 22:26:04

my cpn suggested homestart before, but the idea of being round somebody i dont know freaks me out completely, so i siad id fixed it. My DH is a star, hes truely supportive, i go out with him, but we never go anywhere for long. he does almost all the childcare whist we are out, i push the pushchair, but i wont change nappies etc, i have been out with my sis a couple of times, but made her promise to do nappies etc if they needed doing or i wouldnt go. i am better than i used to be, i used to blank out n walk of if DS even grumbled, so was scared to go out without DH as i might have left him somewhere? i never did by the way, just thought i might. i dont feel that anymore but still dont know what to do with them

i am quietly going mad at home, i stopped going out on own when DS was 6 weeks old.

Only my sis n DH know how bad ive been, all my mates are lads, we've grown apart a bit with pregnancy n not socialising etc, so only see them now when theres a reason to go to a pub.

God i sound pathetic, dreading DS starting school and doing the school run!

HumphreyCobbler Sat 04-Jul-09 22:27:14

Can you start small and build up?

Just a trip to the park with some really exciting food in your bag with which to bribe in case distraction is needed would be a good start.

Thing is, the more you stay in the house the harder it is. I do know how you feel, but I also know that if I don't go out or get any exercise I feel worse and worse.

Do remember that ALL toddlers go through this difficult phase where stopping them doing something makes them scream. Mine is a little older than yours and he bangs his head repeatedly on the floor if thwarted. Everyone would understand.

littleducks Sat 04-Jul-09 22:28:03

just checked your profile

any of these library sessions close enough to you?

Or maybe a childrens centre

HumphreyCobbler Sat 04-Jul-09 22:29:30

You poor thing you sound so stressed.

Have you talked to your GP about your feelings?

It seems to me that some cognitive behavioral therapy might help you to get over your anxiety.

gigglinggoblin Sat 04-Jul-09 22:29:35

As you get more used to having a toddler you harden to the looks you get when your toddler is having a tantrum. Just remember that most people have been in your situation and if they havent then they dont have kids so who cares?

Running off is bad, he may be old enough to understand that he either stays with you or sits in the pram (it will vary from child to child at this age). It can take some time to get this through to him but IT CAN BE DONE!!!!!! Every timne he tries to run put him in the pram. He will kick and scream but he will be safe. Start with dh around if its easier, it wont take long for him to pick it up. Baby reins are a godsend, he can walk but not go far, def worth investing in.

YOU are the parent, he will protest if you tell him what to do but you will win and you will all be much happier.

And yes some linbrary books are paper but not all, just distract him if he gets rough with them, if he really kicks off then leave and explain why. He will pick that up too.

CarGirl Sat 04-Jul-09 22:30:56

with the homestart person they can start by coming for 10 minutes perhaps when your DH is there so they will become a friend, or they can take your ds out and you have a break. Lots of options.

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