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I pushed my DS

(8 Posts)
roseability Fri 03-Jul-09 15:38:35

A bad morning

Have a 2 week old newborn and a 3 yr old. Trying to pack for a family holiday (not abroad!). Had a broken night and feel tired/weak and hormonal. DS wasn't even playing up, he was trying to push a party invitation into my pocket but for some reason it was bugging me. I asked him not to, he kept trying. Something clicked and I pushed him over.

He looked so upset and proceeded to throw his cars around the living room in hurt/anger, I don't blame him. I hugged him and apologised. I am just finding it so hard dividing my love and attention between the two of them. It was just me and my DS for three years and I adore him. He is finding it hard adapting to his new sister and has become very attached to his Daddy so I feel left out and that our relationship isn't as close.

Doesn't help when I behave like this sad

Just need some reassurance

TurtleAnn Fri 03-Jul-09 16:41:15

'How to talk so kids will listen' is a good book that will give you some up the sleeve behaviour strategies that might help you not to loose it.

Kids don't remember individual incidents when they are this little only patterns of behaviour so don't beat yourself up over 1 time.

Good luck with the holiday.

becktay Fri 03-Jul-09 17:57:41

hi there - you're situation is the same as mine only i have an 8 week old ds2. i felt that my 3yr old ds was a real threat to my baby and these feelings really shocked me as like you i adore ds1. sometimes i almost didn't want him close to me and baby at first as was afraid of his physicality around newborn. a few weeks on and i have calmed down a lot but really feel your hormones have a very strong effect on your behavior and mind set at this time. you're obviously a good and loving mother to care, and i'm sure after this one off your ds1 will be fine. incidentally i have ordered a copy of 'how to talk so kids will listen' that turtleann mentions! everyone i know that has read it raves about it and i need all the help i can get right now smile
good luck x

roseability Fri 03-Jul-09 21:20:31

Thanks guys

I managed to play some games with him this afternoon when DD was asleep. However I snapped at him when he spilt his milk everywhere at suppertime. I think I am just tired today, it is only 2 weeks since I gave birth. Well tomorrow is another day and I am sure my DS knows how much I love him

It is just so hard when you have to give so much focus to your newborn. One of my friends was suggesting that you should put the toddler first, even if that means leaving the baby to cry sometimes. However I just can't do that. I am breastfeeding and do hold her a lot, so I understand it is hard for my DS. However I do try to talk to him and interact socially with him when I am feeding, cuddling etc. I have been reading his bedtime stories and make sure I give him a big kiss and tell him I love him at the end of the day.

Aside from this I am enjoying being a mum second time around!

sunburntats Fri 03-Jul-09 21:23:17

oh love, just draw a line under it and start again tomorow, new day.

chocciedooby Sun 05-Jul-09 10:58:21

Hi Roseability

As sunburntats said, draw a line under it and take each day as it comes.

I have a 3 week old, a 4 yr old and a 5.8yr old. Believe me you will find a way to cope. I have very tired days and snap at my elder 2 but it does get easier. Going on past experience, when I had DS2 (DS1 was 16 months old) I did take care of DS1 needs first most of the time and I let baby cry a bit. It never did the baby any harm and tbh I think has made him a more relaxed child. He learnt that crying doesn't always get him what he wants.

Remember that your hormones are still flying all over the place as well so you need time for them to calm down. If DS is trying to get your attention over something just try and see if you can put baby down and see to DS first. I know its hard when you have baby and it needs feeding. Good Luck.

cory Sun 05-Jul-09 11:26:12

I found this stage (and we had exactly the same age gap as yours) the hardest of all. Really, it can only get better! It has for us. It will for you!

Gemzooks Sun 05-Jul-09 21:16:59

roseability, as others said just draw a line under it. I have 2.9 DS and 15 week old DD, all I can say is it's got SO much better. the first few weeks were really really hard, it was such a shock. you feel so guilty for both of them. I have pushed DS over as well, and worse, when he splashed DD in the bath I immediately splashed him back in the face, a lot of it I think was hormones and overreacting at a perceived threat to the baby.

my top tip is that it will get so much better, as your baby gets a bit more settled with regular feeds etc you will be able to carve out quality time with the eldest (it felt like a bereavement for me at first, as if I would never again get more than 2 minutes with him!). it just takes time for you to get confident as a mum of two with all the logistic hurdles. now I can bath them both and get them both to bed, at the beginning there was no way I could do that alone, at least for a month! so hang on in there, it's such a very early days, you are doing a great job, it will get better! wink

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