DD (18mths) was bitten at a toddler group recently. The little boy who bit her had never done it before and his mother was mortified; poor DD meanwhile was screaming so I scooped her up and gave her a cuddle, she was quite upset and it was a bad enough bite to leave a mark so I took her off to a chair to comfort her properly.
The other mum brought her DS over to apologise and to explain to him that DD was upset by what he'd done. I did my best to make her feel better about it but was wondering about the apology part. DD was still crying and I don't think being confronted again by the little boy at that point helped her to feel better; worse if anything. But, I can see that the other mother was using it as an opportunity to show him the consequences of his actions, which I can understand.
So, when if it's DD who does the biting, what should I do?
That's exactly the right thing to do, show the biter how he/she made the bitten feel. If she'd waited he'd have thought she's not crying she's not bothered, I take it they didn't stay loitering around too long after he'd said sorry ?
I agree with other posters. And if I had been in your position, and the mother had not come over, I would have been really cross. Her DS needs to know a) that it is wrong and b) why it is wrong. To see that he has upset your DD is the best way for him to get this, imo
But I do understand about you being worried that it might upset your DD further
No, I think they left altogether afterwards which is a pity (although they might have been going soon anyway I suppose). I'd been hoping to see her again this week but she wasn't there - I really hope she isn't staying away because of what happened! Although probably that's just self-absorbed of me and she's just busy or doing something else or whatever.
DD was fine afterwards, had a mark for a while but nothing major and got back to playing pretty quickly. The other mum had already apologised immediately - she was right next to them when it happened so was able to intervene straight away. But looking back I think she was too startled and I was too preoccupied with DD for her to make the connection between his bite and DD's reaction explicit, which is probably why she came over again. I did really feel for her, she was more upset than I was!