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Please help** do i take things further with socail services????****

(18 Posts)
chapps Tue 30-Jun-09 18:59:18

Hi 1st time here as guided here by google for advice about parentng etc as i need help ..

My daughter goes to a local playgroup and today there was a incident...

got called in the office to be read out a statement...to cut a long story story it s said my daughter was found in the tolilet with her trousers/pants around her ankles and a little boy had her bent over and his finger was between her cheeks ....

i was upset and cryed when i 1st found out

my daughter seems to be un effected by this and is not afraid to use the toilets etc or afraid of playgroup or this boy

i dunno what to do the playgroup contacted socail services about this they have the details of the incident and said the playgroup has to inform both parents and then i have to decide if i want to take this further i dont know which boy it was my husband wants to talk to the boys parents to see why he did it but wud a 3 yr old tell u this kind of things ..........

can i have opions what u wud do if this was ur little one

ThePhantomPlopper Tue 30-Jun-09 19:02:01

What has the playgroup suggested you do?

ThePhantomPlopper Tue 30-Jun-09 19:03:03

Are they not supervised in the toilet?

muffle Tue 30-Jun-09 19:04:05

How upsetting, and what a shock for you.

I think what matters here is that SS approach the parents of the other child and try to sort that out, because that behaviour is sadly typical of a child who may be being abused

I wouldn't want to pursue anything in terms of you and them IYSWIM. This little boy needs to protected but he is too young to be responsible for what he did.

chapps Tue 30-Jun-09 19:05:37

playgroup have assured me they dont think this is maliciuos incident they said the other boy is a loving and caring boy and me me to go away and think about what i want to do ie persue it with socail services...

what wud the socail do my daughter she is only 3 cant really speak much so wud be no point questioning her i cant even get the little boys name outta my daughter

edam Tue 30-Jun-09 19:05:48

Must be very upsetting but worth remembering your dd seems to be unaffected. Children DO explore each others' bodies although this is clearly rather extreme.

Suggest you call the NSPCC for some advice about how to handle this.

Littlefish Tue 30-Jun-09 19:06:42

I think that I would want to talk to Social Services or the NSPCC about it.

Your dh should not talk to the boy's parents about it. Leave that to the Nursery or Social Services.

chapps Tue 30-Jun-09 19:07:26

i know this has happened to my daughter but im just concerned as to why 3 yr boy wud come to do this unless they have seen this ifkwim

no toilets are un supervised they will be supervised from now on thou

chapps Tue 30-Jun-09 19:08:13

yes i dont think my husband needs to get involved either ....

ThePhantomPlopper Tue 30-Jun-09 19:10:53

The preschool will pass on the name to social services so they can speak to the family.

whereeverIlaymyhat Tue 30-Jun-09 19:43:03

A 3 year old child boy or girl might just be interested in bodies or happen to poke her just there.
SS will hopefully get to the bottom of any issues, if he was 8 and done that I'd be going nuts but not 3 years old.

UniS Tue 30-Jun-09 19:52:53

3 yr olds do often get a "bum" obsession. they are starting to pick on the "rude" or taboo nature of bums and other bits and like anything "rude" or taboo ... its big fascination for some.
Girls do it too. they can be rather brutal to their brothers bits if still sharing a bath.

cupcakesinthesnow Tue 30-Jun-09 20:07:13

Although this is bound to be upsetting for you, as others have said, children of this age are fascinated by bums and therefore unless there have been other worrying incidents I would be inclined to think it was just childish innocence and nothing to do with child abuse. I really do not think that anyone can say 'This is the behaviour of a chld who has been abused.' In some unfortunate children, yes, but the great majority will just have a relatively 'normal' fascination with bums.

i remember my cousin (female) and I being fascinated by bums when we were a little older and doing silly things and neither of us were sexually abused.

IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate Tue 30-Jun-09 20:17:17

Well I can see why you would be upset -a litlle-but it has to be said I think nearly all the 3 year olds I know have an obsession with bums.
I know my 3 year old is he even asked the other day if he could sniff it hmm
And I know without a shadow of a doubt that we do not go around sniffing each others butts.
What I am trying to say is just take a step back and just see it as kids messing.
If the behaviour from the boy continued then I would be more worried.
We have to remeber to let our litlle ones be just that.
I hope you feel better soon and try not to worry about it too much as you say your daughter is unfazed which is a good sign.
take care.

cupcakesinthesnow Tue 30-Jun-09 20:31:20

I am going to admit here that I remember being in my first school and at story time some of us 5 year ols girls would let the boys pull our skirts up as we sat on the carpet, pull our knickers down a bit and look at our bums.

I am only telling you this to show you that non abused non malicious little kids do do this sort of thing (and this was in a 70's)

chapps Tue 30-Jun-09 20:45:36

thank you so much for your replies

i am defo not going to take this further now i am reassured that this is childhood innocence

main thing in all this is my daughter is perfectly fine

i think im just a bit shocked and upset but im over the shock now and now see its just kids messing

thanks you so much ill come back to mumsnet again!

edam Tue 30-Jun-09 22:43:19

So glad the thread helped, chapps!

When ds was three, he had a little girl round to play. It all went suspiciously quiet so I went to investigate and found them playing doctors and nurses - ds's pants were pulled down and she was having a very good look. She doesn't have any brothers and I'm sure it was just childish curiosity/fascination.

They are still very good friends now, both very happy, well-adjusted children.

helpYOUiWILL Wed 01-Jul-09 20:40:57

my friends daughter is obsessed with willies at the moment!! she is 3yrs old and gets so excited when i change my ds2 nappy.

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