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Desperately need time off

(4 Posts)
fedup1981 Tue 30-Jun-09 17:47:50

Ds is almost 2, I've never left him with anyone for more than a couple of hours and that's been only a handful of times when I really needed to. He's not clingy, doesn't mind being left too much (although it depends who he's left with obviously) and I have at least one if not two people who could mind him for me now and then.

But I just can't leave him, I don't know what's wrong with me but when I think about somebody taking him from me I feel anxious and tearful. I desperately desperately need some time off from him though. Feeling on-call 24/7 for the last two years is really draining me now and I'm drowning in housework I just can't get done.

I know I'm a mother and this is my lot. I feel terrible for writing this because I know how lucky I am to have a child at all, and especially one who is healthy and "normal". I don't regret having him and don't want to not be a parent, but he wasn't planned and I feel like my life has been in chaos since he arrived. I'm so tired and weary of the mess and the tantrums. I love him so much, he's a delight most of the time but I'm not cut out for this. The only mental time off I get is when he sleeps.

I feel like I want to go home but home is here, and it's a tip, and I can't get away from him, and I don't want to be away from him.

Sorry for the whinge, I know there's people with much bigger problems out there. I've written this dozens of times and not posted it because I feel too guilty.

fedup1981 Tue 30-Jun-09 17:49:27

Oh, and I meant "normal" as in he isn't clinging to me and not letting me out of his sight.

MIAonline Tue 30-Jun-09 18:12:45

How about if you were to build up time away from him in small steps. You could ask a trusted person to pop around and take him for a half hour walk and then gradually build it up as you begin to see that he is absolutely fine.

You have spent 2 years with your DS and in that time the idea of leaving him has probably become bigger and scarier. You need to retrain yourself in to seeing that it is normal, healthy and good for your DS to have some time with other people and also vital for you too.

You shouldn't feel guilty at all in asking for support, that is what MN is for. Have you tried talking to anybody in RL about how you are feeling?

Greyclay Tue 30-Jun-09 18:16:04

Hi fedup - you are not alone in feeling like this, I sympathize with you absolutely. I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you have a partner who is helping you coparent your son?

I completely get it as I feel similar on many occasions. My husband and I both work full time and my daughter is two. We are either working or minding her because she's not yet able to amuse herself for even small periods of time. And boy can she ever tear through a house. We clean and then 10 minutes later it looks like we don't care. Cleaning the house means that one of us has to take our daughter out of the house so the other can focus on doing the job. Neither of us gets a break and we don't have any family in the area who can help us. So, we've dialed down our expectations and put up with a disheveled life just so we can focus on the important things. We try to keep telling ourselves that life won't always be so and that the important thing is to enjoy her as much as we can. But my god does the house ever drive me crazy. It's overwhelming and sometimes I feel like I'm a failure as a working mother.

All that being said, you must, must take some time off where possible in order to be an effective mother to your son, and a good person to yourself. Can you take "baby steps" in terms of leaving him with someone even for an hour, then two, then three etc.?

It is very normal to feel overwhelmed. Many of us do. You have to take care of yourself though. That is really important. Good luck.

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