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would i be silly to return to the uk?

(10 Posts)
madremia09 Mon 29-Jun-09 19:05:32

I have lived in Spain for 6 years and am feeling increasingly homesick.I havent been back for four years though and intend to have a hol soonish.My family live in uk and dps live here.

The thing is i dont know which would be a better life.I have a dd nearly 3 and dc2 due in dec.I dont drive and i dont find there is much at all to do in my area.Dp works hard and only has sunday off.I find myself walking to the supermarket just for something to do with dd.It is too hot to walk anywhere further afield.will learn to drive eventually but need to come back to uk as my spanish is not good enough to learn here and even then i dont feel like i want to be driving around aimlessley.sorry that is spelt wrong im sure.

we live in a very english area so havent picked up a great deal of the lingo!
We rent a lovely little place which is dirt cheap all bills inc.you could literally jump into the communal pool from the back gate.we have everything we could want nice car,tv,toys/clothes for dd etc and dp runs a successful satellite tv company.i gave up my job to spend more time with dd.When she goes to school she will be billingual within months.I think that is a great gift to give a child but i dont think the education itself is as good as uk.

I know people who have gone back and said going back to uk was best move they ever made yet friends and family in uk say we´d be mad to want to come back.We would have nothing,struggle for money etc.but would we be happier? i only have a handful of friends here to be generous and theyre not close friends.
every day seems like groundhog day even though it could be swimming etc i just daydream about living a "normal" life, going places on bus/train,learning to drive, going to clubs/places and meeting people.My life is easy but doesnt seem to be going anywhere.
hope this makes some sense!Thing aswell is when i left uk i was still living at home so i dont even have a clue how hard a "normal" life can be!?
any ideas anyone.would really appreciate itx

Madremia, sorry to hear you are feeling so sad sad.

And congratulations on your pregnancy. smile

I have lived overseas for 12 years, during which I seem to remember when dd was almost 2 and i was pg with no 2, as being the most difficult time for me to be there.

Firstly you need to remember you are pregnant so your hormones are playing with your emotions. Your dd is not yet at school and frankly spending a great deal of time with a 3 year old can be mind numbing for anyone, wherever they are in the world!

Life will get easier when dd is at school proper, it becomes easier to make friends and there are more school related activities to become involved with.

Will you have the baby in the UK or spain? One suggestion may be to come back to the UK for a couple of months to have the baby, which is what I had to do. I found it fantastic to be with my family and get a taster of life in the UK again and it made it easier for me to appreciate what I did have where I lived overseas and it made it easier to go back.

Do you have Spanish lessons? If not then you could enrol in a class, this would let you meet some other people. Alternatively is there another class you could take? If you are arty then a sculpture class for example?

Could you try and set up a baby/toddler group and put up some flyers to see if anyone would be interested in joining you? It doesn't have to be at your house it could be in a neutral place or at the pool even....

Fwiw we spent a year back in the UK between countries and I loved it. But I did realise I would find it incredibly difficult to live in that way day after day, after having been used to a different way of life.

Acinonyx Mon 29-Jun-09 20:22:15

''My life is easy but doesn't seem to be going anywhere.''I think this is the crucial issue that needs addressing and you have to figure out where you ned to be to do that, and how. It will be a long term plan - something to move towards.

I lived overseas but had to return, not by choice. I go a bit mad if I don't feel I'm 'going somewhere' i.e. moving toward some goal/experiencing meaningful change and that was something I had to rethink a lot when I came back to the UK.

TurtleAnn Mon 29-Jun-09 20:48:01

Don't come back for the UK primary school education, it really isn't worth it. The bonus of being bilingual will far outweigh any benefits. Your kids can always come and study at a UK university if they feel strongly about having a UK link.

MmeLindt Mon 29-Jun-09 20:57:29

I have been living overseas for the past 17 years and the most difficult time, as with Master, was when DD was 2yo and I was pregnant with DS.

At that time, I was living in an area where I had no close friends, no contact with other families with chidlren. It was an awful time of my life.

When DH was offered a job in a different area of Germany, we leaped at it. In the new area I quickly found friends, helped by the fact that DD started kindergarten, and we were much happier.

Since then we have moved again and are now in Geneva where I have to say I have never been happier. I know that I sometimes miss UK but like you I have never lived there as an adult, with own home, dealing with schools, morgages etc.

Where abouts are you? I have met up with a few MNetters since coming to Geneva, perhpas there is someone in your area.

Is there anywhere you could meet new folk? An expat club or something? I joined the American Womens Club in Geneva and met a few folk there.

As to the driving, ask around. I am sure that there is an English speaking driving instructor somewhere. And you might be allowed to take the written test in English, I know that was possible in Germany.

Maveta Mon 29-Jun-09 21:07:22

I´m sorry you are feeling so down. I am also in Spain and have occasionally toyed with going back to the UK, normally when I don´t know where my life is going etc. And like you everyone back home just shouts you down! Dh used to do the standard 6 day week like your dp and it is hard only seeing them one day a week.

I agree with everyone that you could try and set yourself some goals, learn some spanish, learn to drive, eventually get a part time job of some kind (if you don´t want to be a SAHM). Does your dp think of going back home? Would he be up for giving it a certain time longer i.e. a year/ 2 years (long enough for you to really try and change some things and be happier there) and if you are still not happy try moving back? Maybe just knowing you can will take away a bit of the yearning?

Right now I am very happy and dh is the one that constantly harps on about going to live in the uk. Speaking the language will break down a lot of barriers for you, and maybe even help you meet new people/ make new friends.

Pitchounette Mon 29-Jun-09 21:42:54

Message withdrawn

bebespain Mon 29-Jun-09 23:00:23

Hi madremia

Oh I can really relate to everything you say.

I have lived in Spain for almost 3 years. I had my first baby here and have just had my second 6 weeks ago. I am desperately homesick sad

When you talk about Groundhog day, I know exactly what you mean and thats just how I describe my days to DH. I also know exactly what you mean about craving a normal life. I would do anything to be able to go to familar places without having to think about it.

There is NOTHING for a SAHM to do and that´s no exaggeration. I live 40kms from Madrid and although I do drive I am too bloody scared to drive the car into the centre, I don´t have a death wish! And even if I got over my nerves what would I do with a toddler and a baby on my own? I don´t know anybody!

I try my best to think of the positives of being here, better weather (although the summers are unbareably hot and I don´t like my DS1 being in the sun for too long) less crime. less social problems etc but I find it hard to think of much else. Seriously.

Yes of course its great to be bi-lingual but I have my doubts about schooling here too.

Its taken living here for me to realise that England is the land of opportunites, of choice. You can be anything you want to be there. Its culturally diverse, there´s creativity in education, people are so much more open-minded and accepting.

FWIW I speak Spanish very well and although it makes life much easier it doesn´t ompensate for the difficulties I have living here ifyswim
I dream of being able to go back....

bebespain Mon 29-Jun-09 23:03:13

I have also realised that "the better life" is the one where Mum feels happiest, weherevr that may be

puffling Mon 29-Jun-09 23:08:04

It does sound as if living in Spain really isn't for you. However, you could perhaps take some positive steps to move your life on whilst in Spain. Going to spanish lessons would help, if only for the chance to met and char with other people. Have you investigated whether there are any English driving instructors in your area?(or English speaking ones?) Could you take a job in an International School e.g. teaching assistant?

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