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Feeling guilty, embarrassed and can't get over it... 'lost' daughter at farm

(11 Posts)
killiney Mon 29-Jun-09 13:08:35

I have children 9months exactly apart in age and now in toodlerhood so quite a handful to 'watch' when we are out - we go out daily to various places and neither have even strayed momentairily - although Tues I 'lost' my daughter whist we were at a playfarm - ten mins felt like HOURS, fortunately that she was found and this I am grateful for but I can barely sleep, and am racked with guilt about this as I am responsible and for these ten mins I had no idea where she was -whilst I was dealing with my son who had fallen over. The people that matter most keep telling me to move on but I recall the panic, shock and alarm in her face (3yrs next month) - I am sure this has happened to plenty of parents but I had such a fright and generally feel guilt...

dilemma456 Mon 29-Jun-09 13:17:23

Message withdrawn

blissa Mon 29-Jun-09 13:24:25

You poor thing, those few minutes can seem like a lifetime.

Try not to feel guilty (I know that's easier said than done). I lost my dd in a country park last summer, she'd gone out of the play area which is right next to a big lake, to go with her friend to the toilet. I was frantic. I think it's the 'what ifs' that we seem to torture ourselves with that are the worst.

Whenever I've had 'near misses' with my dcs (I have 3, there's been a few!) I tell my self ok you messed up but learn from it.

FreewheelinFranklin Mon 29-Jun-09 13:24:50

O god are you me ? I lost my 4 yr old on Sat at a farm as well for approx 10 mins - he is autistic. I also have a 3 yr old. I just had this feeling of rising panic and I didn't know what to do. I must have looked demented. The little tinker had run off to check out the cafe as I had promised ice-creams. Trouble is he doens't have the nouse to go up to someone and say 'I am lost'. Need to seriously think about an id bracelet or similiar, plus getting him to recite name and address at every opportunity.

MilaMae Mon 29-Jun-09 13:27:23

I lost my dd at a farm when she was 18 months my twins were 33 months. I only turned for a minute to get one of them off the swing and she'd gone, the farm had a lake in.

The horror was awful/agony in fact I was literally pulling my hair out convinced she was in the lake and I'd had it. My friend was with me and got everybody to ditch their picnics to look for her blush. An old man found her and had a go at us saying we shouldn't have children if you can't look after them.angry

2 years on I don't feel guilt at all as I was doing my best and have always done well with my (3 in 15 months). I'd gone with a friend too. It could happen to anybody and as I was on the ball enough to know she'd gone instantly she was found straight away as your dc was.

However the horror albeit for only 5 minutes is still with me and I do tend to get a bit rabid if I can't see her at parks now and she's 4 blush. I don't with the other 2 as they always like to know where I am but she has always been Miss Independant.

KIds need to experience the wider world,coping with several little ones as hard so don't beat yourself up about it at all. I haven't got a single friend who hasn't experienced something similar.

NanaJo Mon 29-Jun-09 17:10:08

You poor dear. I understand those moments of panic and guilt. Don't casigate yourself unnecessarily. No matter how vigilant we are, we can all get momentarily distracted or diverted. She was just chasing life as they all do. You sound like a wonderful, loving mother.

Swedes Mon 29-Jun-09 17:20:59

We are always losing DD. We split up in Homebase this morning, I had DS3 (almost 2) and he had DD (3). He lost her twice. First time we found her by the water features (no taste whatsoever) and the next time DP found her coming out of the gent's shock having washed her hands, en route to the water features.

PortBlacksandResident Mon 29-Jun-09 17:32:10

A security guard consoling me after i lost DS a few years ago suggested i put my mobile number in his pocket.

killiney Mon 29-Jun-09 21:13:18

Thanks to all of you..I know I am not the first and wont be the last either but it has knocked my confidence doing something that I have done daily with the two children... I keep recalling the panic, couldnt focus properly even though I was looking everywhere...it was a blurrr - couldnt barely speak to describe her - asked staff for help and thought they were looking when I saw one dealing with the zoo animals... it was a lonely few moments and its scary especially in todays climate , it has changed me - but thanks for all your encouragement!!

Surfermum Mon 29-Jun-09 21:20:02

I used to be a beach lifeguard. And I used to comment about all the lost children "can't these people watch their chidren while they're at the beach" blush.

Then I had dd and when she was about 18 months old .... guess what? I lost her at the beach grin. We'd turned to get purses and cameras out of her bags as we were going to buy her a wetsuit and she crawled away from us and into a sandcastle pit. It wwas only a couple of minutes but absolutely heart stopping. And of course I gave myself a really hard time (and have never judged the parent of a lost child again grin.

Don't beat yourself up. It happens a lot.

lou031205 Mon 29-Jun-09 22:01:27

I lost DD2, 22 months, at the zoo on Saturday. No way she could have asked for help sad blush

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