etiquette re reprimanding others peoples dcs(4 Posts)
Noticed this a fair bit recently with dd (2.9), a couple of times I've thought "fair enough" other times I've thought "keep your beak out" and one or 2 times I've been at said parent.
Also some parents seem to be fairly free and easy about having words with other peoples dcs noticed this a lot on holiday where there were a lot of toddlers, one mum in particular dishing it out left right and centre. saying that some of the other parents were being a bit oblivious to their dcs behaviour. The 2 examples that made me were
On holiday toddlers chucking soft balls around, dd threw hers over a wall, another childs Mum took her to one side and called her naughty and was quite harsh (dd told me this later on, it's unusual for her to remember and be upset by something so much later). Pissed me off for 2 reasons firstly label the behaviour NOT the child and also earlier on in the day this womans ds had pushed dd over for no reason and hit her, I wasn't botheredas such by his behaviour (it's what toddlers do) but her reaction to it, picking him up and syaing "oh dear darling are you getting tired" and giving hima cuddle!!! [shick] and . His Dad was there though and made her make him say sorry otherwise +++positive reinforcement for bad behaviour!!
Second time in restaurant waitress brought out dds food and grabbed the toy she was holding in her hand from her saying she had to put it down before she could have her food. Sorry love that's our job to organise not yours.
I only intervene when dcs are being out and out aggressive and abusive to each other what do others think? I wouldn't mind so much if it was fair but i do feel some mums in particular over look their own childs mishaps and then pile in on others, certainly by my own observations.
Your examples are all ones where the other person would have been better not to intervene. However, since your DD is small you are with her all the time it isn't really important-never worth having a row about.
I would say something if the parent is not around or didn't see what happened, but I would still be careful what I said and probably a bit more diplomatic than if I was talking to my own dcs! I once told a little boy who roughly shoved my then 18-month old dd over "Don't push" and he dissovled into tears. I don't think anyone had ever told him off before, whereas my poor dcs are used to getting it in the neck from me so don't seem traumatised if another adult tells them off.
If the other parent is around but says or does nothing it's a bit more tricky. You can either say something and risk a mouthful or dirty look from the other parent, or say nothing and feel indignant. Personally I think your child needs to see you stand up for them and not just take it. You could do it indirectly and let your child know that it wasn't nice what the other child did (in a loud voice so the parent hears too!).
With the waitress taking the toy I would definitely have asserted my authority as the parent and given the toy back if you didn't mind her having it at the table. Some people are just bossy.
I think this is a cultural thing - in other countries people are quite comfortable with the correcting of other people's chidren, in front of parents or not.
If parent of other child is busy or hasn't seen their child wallop mine I will say, "No, do not hit ds, that's not very nice. He won't want to play with you if you do that, now play nicely together" and I make sure ds is ok. Similarly if my ds does it to another kid I wade in and take the kid to parent and get ds to apologise and I tell him same thing.
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