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I worry Im a crap mum

(5 Posts)
dillinger Tue 23-Jun-09 14:38:42

I cant be the only person that feels like this surely?! I live miles away from family and whilst I have a couple of friends near me they both work full time. So during the day its me and ds 3 and dd1 until dp comes home.

Ive tried going to the toddler group near me but hated it, I try and say hello to people when Im out but the women that are around my ages look at me like Ive got two heads. There was some family support thing that I emailed but they dont have it near me as yet. I am very agoraphobic and so I dont feel able to go outside most of the time. The children play well together so most of the time they do entertain themselves though I dont mind baking, cooking, bit of gardening and craft stuff with them, things that I can do at home. I worry so much that Im damaging them. Ds goes to nursery twice a week and loves it, thats usually the only times I go out during the week unless its a weekend and we are all out together.

Ive managed to take the children to a soft play area before but it made me so anxious, I found it quite stressful and I dont have a great deal of self esteem or confidence. I dont speak to or see any adults until Dp gets home.

I can usually deal with the fact that I dont do much but Id hate to think that my children are missing out. It does upset me, and I know Ive posted about this before, it seems to be a vicious circle. Im hoping that we get a house move/transfer to where Im from in the future so I can be near family again, I know Id feel more able to get on and do things then, and Id have the support and familiarity that I need.

I saw a gp I registered with (Ive since moved back to my old gps but havent visited her yet as its in the city centre, Im in the outskirts and I cant face it all with the children) but he wasnt very helpful, said I couldnt have that cbt as the waiting list was too long, so wanted to arrange counselling but I didnt have anyone to have the children to enable me to go.

I know there are people on here near me that meet up etc but I dont have the confidence to go and I worry that the kids might be a handful and I'll get into a state.

My children seem happy enough but I know some mums are off doing things all the time and I feel so inadequate. I thought Id feel more grown up at 27 sad

bitsnbobs Tue 23-Jun-09 15:19:44

I was very like you when my ds's were little, I had PND after both children and would even get stressed going to my local shop for a loaf of bread before rushing back to the safety of home.I went to a PND suport group and made a good friend who I still see now. I got my DH to mind the kids for a few hours on the weekend and went to visit my prebaby friends which helped me a lot.

As my children have got older I have found it a lot easier to cope and they do not seem negatively affected at all infact both are too confident grin

Please don't put so much pressure on yourself,just set small goals like going to the park and making small talk with another mum.


dillinger Tue 23-Jun-09 15:32:58

Thanks for your reply. I know what you mean about just popping to the shops - my dp usually picks up whatever we need to I dont have to go out if I dont feel able to.

Little comments or brush offs can stick with me for ages, further knocking me. I was at the park last month when I overheard two mums talking about ds's hair (its really long) and I found it hurtful, I know some people will comment on various things, whatever but then Im like - if that sticks with me, how am I going to cope when the children are at school with all that entails?

I will look out for groups (probably not toddler ones!) that may support me and be of a time that I can manage ie a weekend.

Id love to go to a yoga group but then its all about paying for that, and I know Id be very anxious about attending despite wanting to go to a yoga group for years.

DippyDino Tue 23-Jun-09 18:21:24

hi dillinger

I promise you that you're not a crap mum.

I have had pretty high anxiety since my dd was born, and you will not be the only mum quietly freaking out in the soft play area, honestly.

I hope you can find a group to attend (toddler groups not for me either!) and once you've been there and done it, it won't seem so scary and your confidence will grow. Honest!

Let us know how you get on.

bitsnbobs Tue 23-Jun-09 19:24:29

Could you go out with your Dp starting off with "safe" places and build on from there?

I got a weekend job working in a cafe and it really forced me to interact with other people, at the moment I am a SAHM until Ds 2 starts school but I have noticed that I am not as social as I was.

I think its a bit of a vicious circle as the more you go without social interaction the harder it gets,I used to even have anxiety about saying hello to my neighbours blush

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