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What do you think would happen if I gave up on trying to discipline the kids?

(9 Posts)
FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 23-Jun-09 08:00:26

DS1 has been a pain for ages now and DD has started being cheeky and DS2 answering back.

Shouting, telling them to do what they want, walking away achieves nothing and I just can not deal with them right now.

It won't take much to send me crashing atm tbh and I just want my nana.sad

abraid Tue 23-Jun-09 08:25:19

How old are they? Mine are 10.5 and 12 and sometimes when they play up I just leave the house briefly: go for a walk or drive round the block. But it's safe to do that round here.

When I come back, after ten minutes, I see them peeping out of the curtains, looking chastened. I tell them that they have made me feel sad and angry so that I didn't want to stay with them.

AMumInScotland Tue 23-Jun-09 09:50:35

Are they old enough to try having a serious talk with them about what is ok and what isn't, and to let them tell you which things they feel "got at" over?
You can end up in a situation where neither side is happy, but don't see how to change.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 23-Jun-09 10:50:10

They are 4, 5 and 8.

I told DH my plan and he said it wouldn't work.

DS1 was in tears because I made him wear his sun hat this morning. He is 8.

He shrugged me off when I put my arm around him so I left him alone. Once I had dropped off DD I asked him if he was talking to me yet and he said he always had been and could he have £24 for a light saber.

AMumInScotland Tue 23-Jun-09 10:59:46

I think the problem with either getting angry at them, or telling them to do as they like is that they don't know where they stand, and the only way they can work out what is allowed and what isn't is by pushing the boundaries until you snap. And you'll nearly always snap before they give up, because children seem to have a huge amount of stamina!

What was the issue with the sunhat? Does he think he's too old to need one? Could you negotiate with him - find out what sort of hat would be ok? If you can make him understand that a hat of some kind is not optional, but he can pick out something suitable (within limits) then it might not need to become a problem.

Same with other things - he may want more freedom, but you still need to know he's safe. But if you can start up a discussion of what your requirements are, and where you're prepared to be flexible, then you can hopefully get back into a position where you both understand the other's point of view.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 23-Jun-09 11:09:38

He has numerous hats. Just didn't want to wear one at all but it was very warm and he is very blonde.

I always knew I wasn't up to this parenting lark. sad

BonsoirAnna Tue 23-Jun-09 11:11:51

When you are at the end of your tether, bribery can work well.

DD (4.7) loves nail polish on her toenails. I have no particular feelings about nail polish but of course find it a bit of a bore to actually do it.

However, if I manage to extract good behaviour from her for hours on end with the promise of nail polish at the end of it, 5 minutes doing her pedicure is very well worth it!

stroppyknickers Tue 23-Jun-09 11:12:39

I think if you give up a RL somebody you know will start a thread in AIBU saying 'to think my friend should discipline her unruly teenagers' grin

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 23-Jun-09 12:13:48

few years down the road for that as they are still young grin and quite sure it won't happen as no mates sad

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