Jealous older sibling - reassurance needed(5 Posts)
My beautiful baby girl is a week old. Her big brother (3.2) has been wonderful and we are really enjoying the new addition.
However my DS has been very funny with me. I do know this is normal and it is a huge adjustment for him, but would appreciate your experiences and reassurance.
He seems quite cross and subdued with me and wants daddy to do everything. I am worried I have ruined my bond with him. I am trying so hard to give him attention and be patient but I have snapped at him a couple of times . More tiredness and hormones I think. His Daddy is being so good and patient with him, which is great for him but I feel left out sometimes.
At the same time I am besotted with my new daughter and want to cuddle and coo over her a lot.
I hope he will adjust as I can't bear seeing him sad and out of sorts
I used to do all the cuddling and cooing with dd2 when dd1 had gone to bed (and used to get nice cuddles when feeding her in the day)
He will get used to it, what's happening is really common. Try and spend a bit of exclusive 1:1 time with him each day, either when dd is asleep or if DP has her
Get him involved in her care (I had to do this with a fixed grin] sometimed as DD1 was TOTALLY in dd2's face) and say things like "Oh look, she's yawning/stretching/looking round, that's JUST what you used to do!"
Maybe get out photos of him as a baby with you cuddling him etc
It does get easier, promise!
As you said, it's entirely normal!
Can you let him help look after his baby sister - bring you nappies for example - then tell him how lucky she is, having such a wonderful big brother? Read books with him while feeding your DD. Suppose you are already doing the like!
It will pass; just try and be patient with him. It has to be the greatest lesson in sharing!
It really is very early days yet. I know it is easy for me to say but it really is too soon to worry. Your DSs world has been turned upside down, as all your worlds have really (but in a good way obviously) and it will take a while to settle down.
Is your DH on paternity leave? If he is then things won't have settled down into a routine just yet. Your DS will have somebody else to look out for him which is good as you can spend time with your DD.
I found that once DH has gone back to work, DS would go to nursery and I would get a couple of hours uninterupted cooing with DS2. We would then pick up DS1 and I was able to give him some time whilst DS2 slept. I also gave DS2 to DH at bedtime so he got his cooing in and I could put DS1 to bed and read him a story which helped.
As the other say, try to include DS in looking after your DD a bit too - passing a clean nappy or helping to get things for her.
Occasionally let DD cry for a couple of minutes so that you can do something with your DS. I know I found that the hardest thing to do, not drop everything with DS1 to go to DS2 the minute he started making a sound because when DS1 was a baby I instantly responded to him as I had no other children. However, babies are fine if left to grizzle for a few moments and your DS will appreciate being put first above his sister occasionally.
It will be fine.
My dd is a rew months down the line and finds the best way is to give lots of attention-painting,stories etc to dgs1 while the baby is sleeping.She also involves him in helping care for the baby and saying things like,'shall we share a sandwich while dgs2 is asleep?'The older one has become more Daddy oriented while Mum breastfeeds but she has even taken baby off the breast for a minute if older child wants potty or something.They seem very comfortable together now 4 months on.When dgs1 is at nursery baby has his time.
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