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do you regret that your career is crapola since you had children?

(51 Posts)
brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:34:33

just had a mahoosive talk/argument with dh about this

I am trying to start my career as a nurse again after many yrs ( 15) of giving up for the family

now I need his support to beable to do the shifts I need to do
he is self employed in a business wiht his brother and they start really ealry in the am -4-5am

thus I am fucked when I want ot start work ealry
I currently rely on 17yr dd but she has commitments and also will be going to uni next yr

I feel such resnetment thta I have to give up my job opportunities because pf the kids.

Just because he earns the bulk of the £££ he feels I should give .I feel -we only have one life and I want to work.

sarah293 Sun 21-Jun-09 19:36:01

Message withdrawn

BonsoirAnna Sun 21-Jun-09 19:36:02

What do you need your DH to do, concretely, for you to be able to work?

FigmentOfYourImagination Sun 21-Jun-09 19:38:45

if you are working again can you afford to employ an au pair/nannyshare to help out with the sticky cross over times ?

Nursing doesn't hav to be awkward shifts. Can you get a post with no early mornings or perhaps a more 9-5 based shift pattern ? Perhaps in the community ?

FigmentOfYourImagination Sun 21-Jun-09 19:40:43

What about nursing in outpatient clinics rather than ward based stuff ? That way your work would be pretty much 9-5, mon-fri.

I know it probably isn't your career ideal but it is easier to move on from there after you've established the new status quo at home of you working.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 21-Jun-09 19:42:01

Your post didn't match what your title said so I was surprised at your post.

I don't feel I had a career tbh before I had children but if I had, I would have been just as happy to give it up for the kids.

However, you want to work and your H should be enabling you to do that.

smackapacka Sun 21-Jun-09 19:42:08

Good for you for taking up a part of your own life again. How old are the DC that will need care if you did an early shift? The hospital where I worked had a nursery that was open 7-7 (although kids could only stay 10 hours).

Personally I'd try and go for it and work out the semantics later on. Lots of people work antisocial hours with children and find a way round it.

brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:42:18

I eventually would hopefully beable to get a job that would work with ds' school hrs
Atm I am working towards gettin my registration back and really have ot be there for 7:30 am start.
It doesn't really warrant a nanny as I earn shite atm

Quattrocento Sun 21-Jun-09 19:43:39

I think you're seeing your DH as the problem because he is being unsupportive. But in fairness to him, he doesn't have a lot of choice, does he?

How old are the children? They sound as though they might be old enough to fend for themselves the odd morning or two.

brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:43:46

ds is inyr 1 6yrs and dd is 17 in yr 12

she helps a LOT atm

BonsoirAnna Sun 21-Jun-09 19:43:56

So what is the problem with the 7.30 am start - getting children up and off to school? How old are they?

BonsoirAnna Sun 21-Jun-09 19:45:05

OK, so the problem is getting your DS up and to school. Do you drive him/walk him? Is it the same site as your DD's school? How long will your 7.30 am starts last for?

brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:45:40

dd goes at 8:15

ds gets picked up at 8:30

I leave at 7:15

I would be asking dd ot give up an important music group by staying later to see ds off at 8:30

brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:46:15

music is v. important to dd

fishie Sun 21-Jun-09 19:48:03

childminder. dh is self employed too and i work 8am-4pm.

brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:49:58

fishie-so you drop your dc off at cm on way to work

how much does that cost?

fishie Sun 21-Jun-09 19:50:54

actually i bet if you asked other parents you would find one who would do it for £ to fit around your shifts. but they might have to register as cm for insurance etc, this may render it difficult.

i do know a mum who is registered cm but only so that she can do bits and bobs rather than as her main job.

FigmentOfYourImagination Sun 21-Jun-09 19:51:23

I use a childminder for the youngest (almost 7) as DH works long hours and is frequently away overnight and therefore cannot be relied upon for school pick up. We also have no family support nearby. I start work at 8am and drop DD off at 7.30am dressed, breakfasted and ready for school. It is doable.

brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:53:11

yes I agrre ther must be others doin gthe same

basically until I get a decent job with decent hrs the shifts start at 7:30 am so need cover form 7:15am

late shifts dh can help out

fishie Sun 21-Jun-09 19:53:19

she takes him away at 8.30 but would do from 7am (she lives next door which does help) we are currently still paying full time place because he is younger than your ds (4). £35 a day <eyes water>.

but she has other children for school run / after school care which is cheaper, depending on how long and whether they get a meal.

brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:54:18

figment-what do you pay for the bit befoer school ?

brimfull Sun 21-Jun-09 19:55:43

shock at £35

FigmentOfYourImagination Sun 21-Jun-09 19:56:35

I work Mon - Thurs, 26 hpw

My childminder costs me £189 a month for...

Term time

Mon - 7.30am - 9am 3.15pm - 5.30pm (including hot evening meal)
Tues/Weds/Thurs - 7.30am - 9am

School holidays

Mon - 7.30am - 5.30pm (including lunch, hot meal and snack)
Tues - 7.30 - 2.30pm

The £189 is a regular monthly fee which is averaged out so that I don't get enormous holiday bills and teeny term time ones.

I'd find it incredibly difficult to work if I didn't have a childminder. I'd have to work term time, school hours.

FigmentOfYourImagination Sun 21-Jun-09 19:59:21

Usually factor in about £7 ph for a childminder depending on where you are in the country

FigmentOfYourImagination Sun 21-Jun-09 20:00:56

Also some childminders charge an unsociable hours premium if you wish to drop/collect your child outside of their set hours. My childminders set hours are 7.30am - 6.30pm so I do not have to pay additional charges.

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