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feeling so guilty about safety mistake

(17 Posts)
pappardelle Fri 19-Jun-09 15:05:44

The other day after the school run I was putting my 3 kids into the car. My 4 month old dd was strapped into her car seat, on top of an old umbrella stroller (quite a big one, the seat does fit).
I had just got the dsses (2 and 6) into their boosters, turned to get the baby and to my horror she had rolled down the hill, into the road, and very luckily a nearby parked van had stopped it from tumbling any further than the kerb. The stroller was on its side and the car seat on the ground. She was crying but again very luckily unhurt.
I forgot to put the brake on. She could have been killed, I feel terrible. Now I can't stop thinking about it. Of course I'll never forget to do this again, but it has really shaken and upset me. How would you live with yourself if you'd caused something like that, to hurt your own child?
Sorry, I just needed to write it down, nobody I know saw this and I haven't been able to tell anyone, I don't think they'd understand. Sometimes I hold her and cry out of guilt. I love her so much! I just have to remind myself how lucky I am and to be more careful.
Thanks for reading, I don't expect any advice really but anyone who can empathise, I'd appreciate it!

treedelivery Fri 19-Jun-09 15:10:04

Oh bless you!

You weren't 'not being careful' you made a mistake that's all. Humans do and leaving the brake off is so so so easy! We have all done it - or something like it.

Be good to yourself. Yes the stroller rolled off. Thats a nightmare. You need to take good care of yourself as you have had a scary scray shock, rather than beat yourself up.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 19-Jun-09 15:10:32

sad I used to live in a house with a few steps leading to the front door. The one at the bottom was big, ds's pram (a travel system, the ones with the car seat on top) fitted on the step so I'd pop him there whilst I opened the door. When he was 3 weeks I did this, then went to open the door but I don't think I put the breaks on properly and the pram rolled off the step and landed upside down on the pavement. I wanted to die. I took him to the hospital but he was fine as he'd been strapped in. I really felt terrible. Things happen, don't beat yourself up over it.

bubblagirl Fri 19-Jun-09 15:11:47

sorry you went through this its an awful mistake but with good outcome no harm done you will never do it again what could have been didnt happen so dont keep torturing yourself

no point in thinking what could of been just be overjoyed it didnt and you will learn from this

i think we have all had potential accidents and as a parent you do think what if but it didnt so forgive yourself and try and move on from it

duchesse Fri 19-Jun-09 15:25:04

We've ALL done stupid things with our children when they were small, honest. My five week old fell/slid out of her pram (not strapped into her enormous carriage sprung Silver X) when her 2 yr old sister pulled the handlebar to the ground. She was basically unharmed but I kept waking up in a cold sweat for weeks afterwards.

Please try not to beat yourself up about it. You are busy and tired and mistakes are bound to happen.

pappardelle Fri 19-Jun-09 15:41:38

Oh thanks, that does make me feel better; I love having 3 but it is hard work sometimes! I guess what is so frightening is how quickly something dangerous can happen, literally 2 minutes pass and your whole life can change.
Thanks for the nice comments!

TurtleAnn Fri 19-Jun-09 19:56:34

Guilt, I am learning is part of parenting. Everyone is fine and no harm was done, you shouldn't keep re-thinking it and definately stop hugging your DD and crying because this wont make sense to your DD and will spiral into more guilt as you will eventually convince yourself you are emotionally harming her too (you're not).

We all do daft things that only become apparent after the event, that is how humans learn not to do it again, or to do it differently next time.

Last week I held my 2-month old on my hip without supporting his back so I could carry his changing bag to the toilet and he decided that was a good time to fidget and flipped back bending right back and flinging his head back. He cried for about 10-minutes and I was convinced I had broken his back, given him whiplash, detached his retina, and shaken his faith in his mother for eternity. Turns out he's fine and me, well I have learn't that he wriggles too much to be held like that and I won't do it again. DS forgave me and smiled later that day (hopefully prooving he can still see me!)

TheProvincialLady Fri 19-Jun-09 20:07:00

Are you OK now? Can we all add our own stupid moments?grin

A couple of weeks ago I had 6m DS2 on my back in the sling. My friend's 2 year old DD was about to get smacked in the head by some automatic doors, so I rushed to save her. I did save her but unfortunately my poor DS got clonked insteadsad He got a bruise and everything. We all do things that are less than ideal but 99% of the time the children are fine and we learn from the mistake - only to make a different one next time!

Lilyloo Fri 19-Jun-09 20:11:53

From my recent thread this week , it'a awful sad

By Lilyloo on Tue 16-Jun-09 20:54:20
I cannot believe how lucky i am. She has escaped with nothing more than a tooth through her tongue.
Basically i came home from the park and for some stupid stupid reason i didn't put the handbrake on God only knows.
I get dd1 out and then dd2 (17 mths) , ds gets himself out and then start getting bags etc
The car then started to roll forward , i panic thinking it's going to hit the house (pretty flat driveway) jump in and pull the handbrake.
Then i hear ds scream you have run over dd2
i jumped out and she is lay beneath the car with tha back wheel jamming her leg.
I tried to pull her out but her leg was stuck and then jumped back in the car and reversed it when luckily a neighbour came and pulled her out.
She was bleeding a lot from her mouth which turned out to be bitten tongue.
Her leg is fine not a scratch (thank god)
I am so with myself and keep going over the what if's.

I know it was my fault but wanted to post just to say how easily this can happen (and thank god it wasn't any more serious).

She will not be brought out of the car in future until i have unloaded everything..

canttouchthis Fri 19-Jun-09 20:12:43

how have you been? sorry to hear of what happened but honestly we've all made mistakes as parents. For instance, I accidentally forgot to put stairgate back on at the bottom of the stairs last year and my 14mo got up to the second last stair (he climbed about 10), lost his footing and then rolled all the way down (luckily he was unharmed and cried for 5 mins and was fine after that). I felt like a total failure because for one second I had my back turned and he was up the stairs as quick as a flash.From then on I haven't forgotten that stairgate since...you live and learn, it's part of the journey. I did feel guilty then and I suppose I still do think of what could have happened.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper Fri 19-Jun-09 20:24:00

I used to change DD's nappy on the butcher's block in the kitchen as I had a bad back and it was difficult on the bathroom floor (didn't have a changing table.)

Until one day she learned to brace her feet against the wall and kicked herself onto the floor when I moved four feet away to run the wipe under the tap (couldn't have chemicals on her little bottom!)

Went straight to doc's who said she was fine but the guilt came back in spades two days later; she wouldn't stop crying and wasn't herself at all - back to doc's and it turned out to be earache but the guilt when I thought I'd damaged her was horrendous.

pappardelle Fri 19-Jun-09 20:31:33

Oh it's nice to hear I'm not alone... Lilyloo that's so frightening!

Lilyloo Fri 19-Jun-09 20:36:33

very pap , i am still in shock i think.
A mistake that could have had life changing consequences. Put it this way dd has been able to have her way for the rest of the week and the what if scenarios are still very vivid.
We are only human i guess ...

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 20:36:45

I went food shopping once, took a call while loading the car, drove off and then realised that not only had I not strapped the baby car seat into the car, but I hadn't strapped the baby into the seat. I blame the call. Only forgotten once since and DC was about 5 so they told me.

Look at it as a life lesson and don't beat yourself up anymore.

FairLadyRantALot Fri 19-Jun-09 20:41:02

awww, bless ya...you poor thing....try to be kind to yourself, we all make mistakes at times....nothing happened, and yes that was luck, however fact is nothing happened....you "learned" your lesson, and it could have happened to anyone....

but, awww....again...

treedelivery Fri 19-Jun-09 21:01:13

FabBaker - I've done that.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 21:03:46

mummy instinct kicked in though as i had only driven about 4 metres

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