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Making friends at school - do I help out or leave him to do it in his own time?

(7 Posts)
fucksticks Wed 17-Jun-09 19:07:15

Ds1 is 3.5. He started school (in the nursery class) at Easter.
He plays alone nearly all the time when he's there. He's very confident and outgoing but very lacking in social skills. He's under assessment for possible ASD.
I've heard through chatting to other Mums that one of the boys in his class is having a birthday party soon. DS has not been invited (fair enough, I expect that the Mum invited the children that her son plays with most).
I have also seen some of the children going home with other children on play dates. I spoke to a Mum today who was taking another child home with them and she said that her son had been asking her if X could come to play for ages, so she'd given in.
My DS never talks about the other children, he doesnt even know any names. To him they just play at school along side him, but not with him, so he doesnt pay attention.

Does it matter at his age? Should I try and arrange play dates with some of the kids of the Mums that I speak to most to encourage DS to make friends?
Or should I just leave it and let DS make friends in his own time?

DidEinsteinsMum Wed 17-Jun-09 19:21:45

We had the same thing and have been actively working at this for over 2 years now. Ds is now 4 1/2 but he has always had issues relating to his peers - actually simplify that to he didn't!

We arranged little bits and worked on the concept of cooperation (I think i found it easier with the 2yo as they are often less boystross then the 3yo) such that we would sit and build a tower one brick x, one brick why. No eye contact or role play aspects involved. Once we got to the point where he was able to do this without, hand guidance/ instruction we moved on to

DidEinsteinsMum Wed 17-Jun-09 19:36:51

sorry had to go deal with a meltdown.

talking about children he was at nursery about. (actually i talked he listened and generally i hear you were in the sand with x)

We have got to point were he is happy to see x or y at play school but has no link to them when he is not physically with them. we are working on that and he has just discovered attachment to me so now have separation issues hmm

We are lucky as we have no develoment delay issues. But i was told that one of the thearpy was to slightly challenge ds every now and then to get him used to new things.

I think it depends on the child and the other aspects that they are displaying. Do note that we can't have people to our house or go to other people's house yet as it completey throws him so most of our play with friends sessions are at a local play center.

PLus the earlier you start on therapuetic work the earlier the effect. Ds has had some much therapuetical work done with him that we are seriously struggling to get a proper diagnosis.

Goodluck with which ever you decide.

cornsilk Wed 17-Jun-09 19:40:21

He sounds very similar to my ds. He had very few friends in nursery but was happy doing his own thing (still is). As he's got older he's made a couple of very good friends who accept his quirky nature and aren't phased by him.

cornsilk Wed 17-Jun-09 19:41:56

Also social stories are good. Ask about them next time you see the SALT or ed psych.

fucksticks Wed 17-Jun-09 20:55:09

Thank you, some helpful advice there x

DidEinsteinsMum Wed 17-Jun-09 21:10:49

Don't expect major progress and don't expect progress straight away. we are only just starting to reap the benefits of two years work.

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