Well he called her Hitler and a Shit! He says his schoolmate said it first and that he told the friend that "hitler was a shit". The school say that he called het to her face. I am really angry with him, apparently he is losing his lunchbreaks for the rest of the week - is it worth it for 2 days. However, I ahd to ring the school to get their version.
no, you shouldn't apologise to her - he should. However, I would make sure the school knows you agree it's unacceptable behaviour and have backed up their sanctions with grounding him. ie let them see you are cooperating. It's awful when they do things like this, so disappointing. But having punished him, let it go and remember to praise him when he's doing good things(sorry if teaching to suck eggs, but sometimes it's hard when you're angry to let them see you appreciate their good behaviour)
Think he ought to apologise to her - letter written at home would be appropriate. You can then follow that up by apologising in person if you feel you want to. As a former TA this would have really upset me - TAs do a heluva lot for the children they work for, and for the love of it really cos the pay is v bad. A sincere apology written by the child would go a long way to make amends, IMO.