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Ok, tell me how to deal with dd (4) on this one...

(9 Posts)
squeaver Wed 17-Jun-09 14:29:05

So we're having a little chat this morning about the other children at nursery, when she comes out with "I don't like X, he's black and hairy".

X's parents are from India.

I probably overdid my reaction, first of all by saying "it doesn't matter what someone looks like, you should still be his friend". Then going on and on (and probably on and on) about what a lovely boy X is, what good fun he is etc etc

But obviously I want to nip this in the bud. Did I handle it badly? What do I do now??

squeaver Wed 17-Jun-09 14:47:26


ljhooray Wed 17-Jun-09 14:48:04

BF just went through something very similar and trying not to overreact is important. IMO I'd go with something along the lines of what he looks like has nothing to do with whether you like someone or not, is there something else that is bothering you? It's a difference between them that she may be hooking onto that if she doesn't really understand why they aren't getting on. Feel for you, really embarassing and very awkward but I suspect all it warrants is some help exploring feelings.

Heated Wed 17-Jun-09 14:52:48

Do you have friends who are Asian? When my ds was younger a voice came from the back of the car, "I don't like XX (from nursery), he's brown." Shocked sideways looks between dh & myself, and then dh asked, "Do you love Uncle R.....?"
"Well, he's brown"
Then an explanation along the lines of we are all different but all the same but it's no reason to dislike someone.

Embarrassingly dd adores a boy at nursery precisely, I suspect, because he is black. Fortunately he tolerates her adoration very well.

ljhooray Wed 17-Jun-09 14:54:57

Good suggestion Heated

squeaver Wed 17-Jun-09 14:59:50

Thanks guys. Yes she does have two very good Asian friends and knows others so will use that approach next time it comes up (hopefully it won't!).

Lj - she doesn't get on particularly well with this boy - he's quiet she's loud extrovert so that might be it too.

Thanks again

dilemma456 Wed 17-Jun-09 15:22:28

Message withdrawn

tummytickler Wed 17-Jun-09 18:57:48

I had this trouble with ds.
He didnt say he didnt like them just that it was odd.
When i said 'but what about I, L , S and T' (his friends) he hadnt even noticed they were black! (or at least didnt associate his thoughts with them).
When he realised that his friends had black skin then it was fine - i think it might have been more down to the other person being a stranger than the colour of his skin.
How long has your dd known the little boy at nursery?

squeaver Wed 17-Jun-09 19:57:35

Since Sept. She's never expressed an opinion on him before. It is odd because she does have Asian and black friends.

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