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Parents/In-Laws providing childcare - any issues?(5 Posts)
Hi Everyone, don't really know where to post this as I'm new to the site and there doesn't seem to be a section under 'returning to work'.
I just wondered if anyone else has their parents or in-laws providing some/all of their childcare and how its working out? Were there any initial issues?
My daughter is 15 mo now and since 12 mo has done 2 days at nursery and 1 with my in-laws. I had expected that I'd struggle to get used to leaving her at nursery but be fine with my in-laws but the reverse is actually true.
There are no serious worries and she seems quite happy in both situations, which is the main thing. There are just little niggles like the fact that MIL won't give food (provided by me) if she doesn't think its appropriate (bit insulting of my parenting choices). They also spring days out on me when I've only prepared food that needs microwaving. She doesn't always offer the bottles if she doesn't think she will want it (even though its part of her daily routine/nutrition and she always wants it).
How does everyone else deal with these trivial issues? Should I bring it up or just learn to let go? MIL can be a bit of a sulker so don't want to cause friction but I'm stewing a tad!
My daughter goes to either my MIL or my Mum (in school hols, shes a teacher) and preschool. She's 4 now but has done this from 7mths. My mum does days out so I always ring the night before to see what they are doing and pack suitable food for her, and suitable clothes etc. This might help with the food planning. I am surprised she thinks meals you've prepared are unacceptable, perhaps you could chat about giving her a balanced diet? Re the milk rather than it coming from you perhaps you caould say your health visitor stressed the in=mportance of regular milk, it might be better if you say it comes from someone else?
It is really difficult, we had issues with dd being given too many snacks by MIL, but had a quiet word and she's better now. Some snacks are ok, but not too many.
We used to have issues with My FIL and his partner who used to help out with dd, she used to give her loads of snacks, I collected her once, at 5pm - I take her home for tea, and they'd just let her have 6 chocolate biscuits - I was not happy!
They don't have her anymore, partly because she's in preschool more now, but also because I don't want them to have her!
I do think its best to work around the issues if you can though, talk to her about them carefully, I think its good for children to grow up with a close relationship with their grandparents.
My Mum looks after my son a lot. I've adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy a lot of the time, as some of her ideas (outdoor in-pram sleeps, on his side naps, purees over BLW) aren't mine, but I figure that she's doing me a favour so why worry about trivia? Though she has been a total convert to baby-wearing, co-sleeping, non-shouty mothering, which helped. She hated being a parent and lauds how simple and commonsensical this way is, as opposed to the rigidity she was raised with and in turn used on us. She even corrected someone her own age who said, "gosh, that baby is spoilt!"
"I think you mean well loved." Was great.
It works really well. She still drives me nuts at times, but she loves him as much as I do. That is not a level of care you can buy.
I think it only works if you completely trust the person looking after your child tbh. When I went back to work, the childcare was shared between my mum and my MIL. However, my MIL did things the way she wanted to do them, rather than how I wanted them done... so I put her in a nursery instead of using MIL. (I have had concerns onvquite big issues, for example she has sent over gelatine sweets, even though my DDs are vegetarian). I felt to continue using MIL as childcare would only create issues.
However, my mum does things completely my way, even though she would do things differently, and so it works and is fantastic... the relationship my mum has got with my DDs is well worth it, but at the same time it is not worth the battles it also might cause if she ignores your ways of doing things. A tricky one, but might work if you can chat to her? Otherwise, find alternative childcare.
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