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Persuading DH to try for baby no. 2 - any tips???

(9 Posts)
rubyblue Mon 15-Jun-09 21:06:44

Hey, I'd always planned to get on with trying for baby no. 2 this summer. DS is now 17 months and I'd like to get on with trying. But DH is still scarred I think by the hell of the first 4 months. And i mean it was hell (isn't it for everyone?) as ds was a terrible sleeper, hourly wake ups and I became quite depressed although never diagnosed but that was more me hiding it and feeling a failure. Anyway, we are pretty happy now. Sex is only once a week and a bit of an effort but good. Trouble is DH will not seriously consider trying for another baby, his mates have told him having two is really the end of any sex life, free time etc.
This can't be true? Is it??? Please give me hope or some ideas to win him over.

chickers Mon 15-Jun-09 21:25:41

I have 3 children and started with a husband who didn't want any.
Yes its very busy with 2 or more kids and yes we have little free time but its not the end of your sex life but it might go on hold for a bit.
I don't think you can win him over with anything in particular just that having another child sooner rather than later was the better option for us, this doesn't work for everyone. Good Luck. Soory to hear that you had a tough few months with your first- but look how far you have come!!!

whomovedmychocolate Mon 15-Jun-09 21:27:29

Point out to him that it may take up to two years to conceive and he will get a lot of sex to do this.....might cheer him up a bit grin

DD was a crap sleeper till ten months and DS is 11 months and still a crap sleeper. It's what babies do I'm afraid. But the second one is much easier because you are just too knackered to be neurotic anymore! grin

rubyblue Mon 15-Jun-09 21:28:41

Ah bless you chickers. yeah, we love ds to bits and after the sleep settled down it got a lot easier and we really enjoy him now. The thought of going back to the sleepless nights and coping with a toddler though. How did you cope each time?

Heated Mon 15-Jun-09 21:39:29

1) lots of sex!
2) companionship for dc - otherwise dh will have to play lego ad infinitum with him = more sex/free time!
3) 2nd babies often easier/parents more chilled/you'll be confident enough to ask for help if you suspect pnd
4) have done the expensive outlay in baby stuff so won't cost any more (well, much!)
5) it will complete your family

chickers Mon 15-Jun-09 21:42:05

Not sure, its a bit of a blur which is sad in some ways. My other half works away a lot so spent long periods of time on my own with newborn and 15 month old. I got out every day and met people who were in same boat, invited all those other knackered mums to my house to moan and have wine!!
One important thing to say is that 2nd and even 3rd time round I had so much more confidence because you know whats coming. I definately wasn't as neurotic 2nd time which is why my son is super chilled out.
My 3rd is now 9 months and we are really enjoying family life we make an effort to go out twice a month even if we are tired, skint even if its just for a walk together.
Good luck!!
p.s my husband would have more!! BUT NOT ME!! famous last words!!

rubyblue Mon 15-Jun-09 21:48:20

Ladies, i'm luvving the suggestions - the bait of more sex! Yeah, think I would be a bit more chilled out and even (gulp) do the co-sleeping thing next time round. I was so paranoid first time about not creating bad habits etc, but think (hope) would be more chilled out. And at least I would know what to expect.
Chickers, my dh works away a bit and I found it hard and lonely. Guess next time I'd make sure I had more friends around.

How do folks find nursery fees though? This is another bug bear of DH, how we afford all this in those years before school. Can't afford for me to give up work.

chickers Mon 15-Jun-09 21:55:57

Child care fees are a hard one. I raked in loads of favours from friends, and set up a baby sitting circle which included day time sitting for my single mum friends who couldn't do evenings. I also opted to work at least one day at the weekend which reduced nursery fees and gave DH a slice of my life for a day. He soon got the message that I didn't sit on my bum all day.

Heated Mon 15-Jun-09 22:00:31

Ok, well nursery fees get cheaper when they get to 3 as the govt contributes. You are also likely to get a sibling discount. Do your employers also offer the child-voucher scheme where you can deduct upto £243 off each salary each month which is tax free, saving a couple of grand a year?

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