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How can I share my mothering effectively between my two boys?

(5 Posts)
fairi Wed 11-May-05 21:06:17

I have two wonderful, easy boys: baby of 4 months and toddler 21.5 months. Toddler seemed to adjust well to his new brother - he adores him - gives him finger puppet shows, helps to "wind" him, helps to change him and asks to see him first thing in the morning and gives him gentle hugs - so in that way, we are very blessed.

My problem is, he (toddler) is starting to pine for his granny (who he sees regularly) as she is able to give him her undivided attention. Now, I know I can't compete with that - but it is highlighting my dilemma: In trying to be a great mum to both of them, I find that I'm not really giving to either of them effectively.
Because baby is a baby, I can hold him and play with toddler - but he notices he then only gets a bit of me as I'm not physically fully functional with a 7kg weight on my arm - and beyond holding the baby, he gets nothing from me as my attentions are elsewhere.

Does anyone have any coping mechanisms they've developed for situations like this where they can SHARE out there FULL attention (and not making them both settle for only a quarter)

Lonelymum Wed 11-May-05 21:09:52

Can't really answer your question, but as a mother of four children, I remember being in your situation, with two very young children. All I can say is, firstly remember the youngest doesn't know what it is to have your undivided attention so he is not missing anything, and secondly, although ds1 may notice he isn't getting as much attention from you as he used to, this is compensated by having attention from his baby brother whom he obviously loves.

kalex Wed 11-May-05 21:13:39

I think that realistically, you generally can't, you can't divide yourself in two.

BUT, when the baby is sleeping you can make the time you have with your oldest really count, don't hoover and empty the dishwasher, you play with him.

Also trips to the park, where you can talk to him about the world around you can help,

And my biggest tip, get him involved with the baby. Make getting the nappy or the wipes his job, make him feel really good about helping, if you can bath them together and let him put the soap on the flannel, rub the baby's legs, arms etc,

You have to remember that there will now always be two of them and they will make fab playmates in just a few short months,

Hope I have helped

kalex Wed 11-May-05 21:14:40

Also reading books or watching TV while the baby is feeding was always a big winner in this house

pixiefish Wed 11-May-05 21:15:57

what about putting baby in a wrap?

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