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Age Gaps?

(13 Posts)
Kayzr Thu 11-Jun-09 08:43:04

I have 2 boys, there is 21 months between them. It has been hard but TBH not much harder than having DS1. He likes to help with feeding, changing nappies and dressing DS2. DS1 is 2.2yo and DS2 is now 6 months. I'm often told that I have the perfect age gap.

We want to have a 3rd but we are debating when. If we start trying towards the end of this year there will be about the same age gap between DS2 and DC3 as there is between DS1 and DS2.
But I was thinking of just having a year off being pregnant. I got pg with DS1 in 2006 and he was born in March 2007 and then I was pg for most of 2008.

Saying that if we wait until next year it works out that there will be about 2 1/2 years between DS2 and DC3 and many people have mentioned that they think it is the worst age gap to have.

So any ideas about age gaps would be great thanks.

DaddyJ Thu 11-Jun-09 10:30:11

You know, I looked into this before we got cracking on numera dua
and I found pros and cons for every age gap.

Additionally, it all depends on the children's personalities and how you as a parent do your thing
and on so many other factors that I stopped worrying.

What can be said is that having a baby when your other child is still very dependent on you (age gap < 2 years) is particularly hard work.
But then your own experience appears to contradict that so...just go for it when you and dp are good and ready!

Kayzr Thu 11-Jun-09 11:02:44

I was thinking that too, any age gaps must have good points and bad points. I think it might come down to me losing weight more than age gaps.

PuzzleRocks Thu 11-Jun-09 11:05:25

I have a 26 months old DD and a 2 months old DD and am finding it really easy. I'm not sure if them both being girls makes any difference but DD1, who is an independent little thing anyway, is besotted with her baby sister and wants to help out all the time. I have yet to see any evidence of jealousy.
Fortunately, the classes I take DD1 to accept DD2 being there also (she sleeps throughout). Otherwise I suspect we would encounter problems if DD1 had to sacrifice some of her fun and one on one attention from me.

snigger Thu 11-Jun-09 11:09:19

I think the shorter the age gap the harder it will be at the start.

I always wonder whether with a greater age gap, will the hard work probably hit later when you have disparate viewpoints to accomodate.

We have a short age gap between dds and the early years were non-stop work and fire-fighting, but now they play together, support each other, and we can work as a unit - they have a similar mindset.

JustcallmeDog Thu 11-Jun-09 11:13:16

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jeee Thu 11-Jun-09 11:14:24

I had a 15 months between DC1 and DC2, followed by a 18 months gap between DC2 and DC3 (yes, this was planned). I was so shattered that I really don't remember much about the first year of DC3. But now I'm safely over that, I feel there's a lot to be said for doing it this way.

sleepwhenidie Thu 11-Jun-09 11:26:15

I think you can overanalyse this, I don't think there is a perfect gap. Having said that, this is my situation...

There is a gap of 2yrs 10m between DS and DD and I love it, found it fairly easy when DD was newborn because DS was pretty independent, he understood most things (such as being gentle with baby and why she may be crying etc), he could help me a bit with looking after her and could be effectively disciplined when naughty(understands threats if playing up!). I remember sitting in the park bf DD when she was about 1m old while DS ran around climbing frame, slide etc and thinking how much more difficult that situation would have been 10m earlier, when I would have had to be shadowing him to help him on things/stop him falling. Also he started going to nursery every day a couple of months after DD arrived so I have time with DD to myself, which I still enjoy. I really thought that for me, approx 2.5-3yrs was perfect and I had a similar gap sort of planned for a 3rd.

And NOW - I am now unexpectedly pg with DC3 shock and there will be a gap of 19m between DD and new babe - I am sure that this will mean much more hard work for at least a year or two but I have convinced myself of all the benefits, such as DD and new one hopefully being v close as closer in age, being able to get back to doing things we enjoy as a family more quickly (walking, cycling, skiing etc). Also, offsetting the hard work will hopefully be lots of fun!

From a "body" point of view, I know what you mean about feeling continually pg or bf (I fell pg the day I stopped bf DD!) and while I am not enjoying actually being pg again (sometimes v depressing to feel fat at the start of a pregnancy!) I am comforting myself that I only have to go through the sheer hard slog of getting my body back as I did after DS once more, rather than doing that and going back to square one again by getting pg in another year - provided we don't go for a 4thwink!

Kayzr Thu 11-Jun-09 11:42:22

I think it might be a case of wait and see. We are thinking of starting to try from September onwards. So it will depend on how we feel then.

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 13-Jun-09 14:32:01

I have a 9 yr age gap and still get sibling rivalry lol

corblimeymadam Sat 13-Jun-09 14:43:29

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stitchtime Sat 13-Jun-09 15:00:39

three is harder than two, no matter what the age gap. tbh, dont worry about it too much, it will happen when it happens,ie, you might think you are planning a two year age gap, but it miht take much longer to get pregnant, or less.
i wouldnt think about it too much

rocketupbum Sun 14-Jun-09 15:48:05

I tend to agree with everyone else here. It depends on child and you and how new baby is.
I have 2.5 yrs between my 2 and love it. My vague view is the bigger the age gap the easier it is in the intial baby phase but perhaps the harder it is in the long run as it takes longer for the DC to be in tune.
You sound like you are pretty chilled and enjoying it so probably any gap would suit!

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