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How do you deal with a 'girly' 10 year old son?

(11 Posts)
paperworz Tue 09-Jun-09 00:44:47

I want to start by saying I am VERY proud of my son. I love him for everything he is and I would not swap him for the world.

But, I know he is rather ... err ... 'girly' for a boy. He's 10 and he likes me to straighten his hair before school. When the boys get rough at school, DS tells them to "calm down and discuss things like adults". He plays with the girls, more than the boys. He wants to join drama school but he'd be the only boy there (that doesn't bother him, he insists he WILL be a famous actor one day) ... he wants to join a rugby club but I know they'll tear him apart! He is VERY 'girly' but that is my boy and I wouldn't have him any other way.

However he is due to start secondary school next year and I'm dreading it to be honest I think they will pick on him.

So, how would you deal with a 'girly' boy? encourage it or try to toughen him up for secondary school?

LadyGlencoraPalliser Tue 09-Jun-09 00:50:17

There was a boy very like the way you describe your DS in my DD's class in primary school. They are now in their first year of secondary and he is one of the coolest and most popular kids in the school.
As long as you encourage him and believe in him he will be fine.

paperworz Tue 09-Jun-09 00:54:52

I believe in him 100%. Honestly, if I could change anything about him, I would change nothing. He gives me no trouble, he believes in himself and I believe in him too, 100%.

I just had a letter this week about secondary school and it panicked me a bit sad he's certainly not "One of the boys" and I worry that he will be excluded because of that.

SOLOisMeredithGrey Tue 09-Jun-09 01:51:11

He will find his niche I'm sure. My Ds starts secondary in Sept this year and is not in the slightest bit 'girly', but he is very sensitive and cries easily and I'm worrying about this for him. I have tried all sorts of ways in dealing with it and slowly, he's starting to control the tears.

ABetaDad Tue 09-Jun-09 07:21:21

paperworz - oh dear how shocked you would have been to hear the converstion with DS1 (age 9) last night. I want him to be more girly.

He is in the Drama Club at school and is objecting to being made to dance 'with a girl' in a High School Musical number in the play they are doing. He is in a school which is 90% girls anyway and I explained to him that 'dancing with girls' was something he might really want to do when he is older. He is a great dancer and singer anyway, but not a girly boy. He loves rugby and crcket and football.

That said, like your DS, my DS1 is quite girly at times. He too hates it when other boys are not being sensible and tells them to calm down. He likes to put on Dax to make his hair shiny before going to school and actually likes playng with girls and sensible boys

Your DS sounds great and my DS1 would be the kind of boy my DS1 woudl love to play with. I would advise you to let yor DS play rugby. If he does not like it he will stop.

bellavita Tue 09-Jun-09 07:30:20

Do you know, my DS2 9, actually plays better with girls - he gets into less trouble!

He has got very fine hair, but if there was more of it, I could just see him asking me if he could use the straighteners.

He is always touching my make-up and puts my shoes on when upstairs. And in fact, when I used to take him to mums and tots, he would always make a beeline for the nurses oufit or the tutu!

Although he is very much a boy when it comes to riding his bike, getting filthy and getting into mischief.

I am sure your son will do just fine smile

4andnotout Tue 09-Jun-09 07:31:48

My brother was a very 'girly' boy from the age of 7 really, sometimes people would try to bully him but he was so popular and well liked it really didn't affect him.
At the end of the day everyone is completely different personality wise and it would be a boring old world if we were all the same, im sure he will fit into his secondary school fine

psychomum5 Tue 09-Jun-09 07:40:05

go and have a look at the school he is due to start at, and at any others in the area.......get a feel of the school, (without the tour bit that you should no doubt have already done for the yr6 secondary tours).

talk to the teachers, maybe even some of the older kids (maybe the yr10's, or even if poss any yr11's you see, as they won;t be there when he starts and might speak a little more freely about a school they are leavingwink)..........see how they find 'flambouyant boys' fit it.

I have two aquaitences(sp?) (I know them but not closely enough to say they are friends IYGWIM) who have sons who are definately what you would call 'girly'......love dance, acting, just not your typical boys in any way......altho they are actually fantastic lads (my girls are friends with them).

anyway....they both went to different secodary schools, both single sex schools, both marked as 'sports academy's', both were unhappy. They weren;t bullied, but they were not accepted fully as they just didn;t seem to gell with the 'jocks' (american term I know, but as I am not in the mind-frame of teen boys, I only know high school musical termblush......I have teen girls, thats MY excusewink).

anyway...........they are now at a new school, the same one in fact. It is a mixed secondary school, focus strongly on performing arts, in general more fitted to these boys, and they LOVE it. they have made lots of girl friends, are very popular with the boys at the school for that factgrin, and simply in a school now more set to their needs and interests.

I am amazed that something so simple as a different type of school has made as much as a difference as it has to them. they 'strut' now, they are confident lads, they are 'cool', as opposed to being slightly different, and you know, I think their mums are fantastic for accepting their boys as they are and not pushing them to fit somewhere that is worng for them. Thye will both go out into the world happy confident lads now as their secondary schools are not damaging then, and I bet many of us can remember what it was like at secondary school, and how nasty some people can be (I remember).

you know him best, and you love him for that, so he already has a good grounding....now you do what you have done already, and continue to find the best place for him

FWIW, I have the same with my DS2......he is a very flambouyant child, loves singing and dancing to mama mia and HSM, and has blonde curls that he is growing back as he likes longer hair. he is nearly 7 at the moment, so things could change, but if not, he will be going to the school the lads I know are at, altho his brother (DS1) will be at the sports academy as he is definately a 'jock',

good luck, and don;t fret......he will find his niche, and he will be cool with it I am sure.......his mum is behind him, which is 90% of the work done!

hockeypuck Tue 09-Jun-09 07:40:22

paperworz - your son sounds lovely and he's lucky to have such a great mum.

Maybe it's not a case of "toughening him up" or changing him before secondary school, but rather teaching him how to deal with people with bullying behaviour, maybe some coping strategies etc. If he is very confident and self assured then people having a different opinion to him won't bother him so much. In essence he will be able to stay himself and let their comments wash over him, which will soon make them bored and stop.

I think with secondary school, the most important thing is confidence and being happy with yourself, that way the criticisms don't bother you so much and you remain true to how you are.

If I were to go back to 10 myself, I would have wanted my parents to teach me how to be happy with who I am, I had no self confidence at school whatsoever and it really held me back. Some of the best people I know now are a little different from the norm in one way or another and I think what is most striking about them is that they know they're alright.

Your son sounds very self assured so it obviously hasn't held him back so far. Also you sound like the kind of mum who is doing a fantastic job at letting him be himself and loving him completely. I'm sure that, with a background like that he will be awesome at secondary school.

rocketupbum Tue 09-Jun-09 08:29:07

I think if he has a pride and confidence in himself he will survive high school. My mum worked in a high school and she was always surprised at how well the slightly "different" kids got on. I do think the benefit of bigger school is more people to be pals with, more choice for extra curricular stuff (drama mainly by the sound of it!).
He sounds like a gorgeous boy and your love for him shines through. Have confidence in your ability to allow him to be who he wants to be.

timmette Tue 09-Jun-09 08:39:25

He sounds like a great son - I hope my son turns out just as good and you are being a fab mum.
But why not let him join rugby - if he doesn't like it he can quit... it will be good for him you can't protect him from everything and maybe the boys at the rugby club will be nice - you don't know.

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