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a bullied toddler.what do i do?

(12 Posts)
ladyjeje Mon 08-Jun-09 21:04:32

my 3 year old little girl is being bullied by 2 boys of two close friends who i see regularly.she complained before that they scare her at the nursery and sometimes she doesn`t want to go.just today we were at a friend`s house with these boys and i couldn`t believe how bad they were.they gang around her and give her these scary faces,threaten to punch and kick her,even if she stands there and doesn`t care they don`t stop.she comes snd tells me that she doesn`t like it when they do that.i told their mums,they told them off but they just don`t listen.i`m thinking of talking to the teacher at the poor princess,she does stand for her self sometimes,but they are older and bigger.she is the most delicate girl ever.i told her it`s not right what they do and she should tell them off or play with somebody didn`t work.what do i tell her now?

applepudding Mon 08-Jun-09 21:27:10

If I had 'close friends' who did not stop their children bullying my child, they would no longer be close friends.

If this is happening at the nursery school you need to speak with the teacher in charge/ manager.

However, if this is also happening at times you are socialising with these children's parents, then I don't understand how/why you are still socialising with them.

As she grows older your DD will need to learn to stick up for herself somewhat, but at this age she needs her mother to protect her.

MollieO Mon 08-Jun-09 21:33:37

I agree with ap. Why on earth would you put your dd in that position?

thisisyesterday Mon 08-Jun-09 21:36:05

i too would either stop socialising with them or tell the children myself to stop it.

SoupDragon Mon 08-Jun-09 21:36:31

It is your job to stand up for her.

Tell your "friends" that they need to curb their DSs behaviour.

SoupDragon Mon 08-Jun-09 21:36:56

Or stop seeing them.

ladyjeje Mon 08-Jun-09 21:46:59

i`ve limited the time i see those dh said just don`t see them anymore but is so hard.owr families are not around and other than a few friends and the nursery my dd doesn`t have much more people to interact with.if i walk away from each family with an abusive child won`t i be teaching her to run away and not face bullies?

applepudding Mon 08-Jun-09 22:06:40

Your DS is too young to be picking up that kind of message. Can you explain a bit more about the nursery? Is this a day care nursery where she goes because you work, nursery class at a school, or a play group?

I don't think at 3 your DC needs lots of different children to interact with. My DS went to a private nursery 3 days a week while I was a work but we didnt socialise with the other families/children away from the nursery. On my days off we sometimes went to parent & child swimming and a singing and craft group - perhaps you could try joining something like this if you want to meet other people, but I would definitely stop contact with the families you are seeing. Your daughter is gaining nothing positive from these interactions, and I don't see that you are.

saintmaybe Mon 08-Jun-09 22:10:42

Are they all 3? 'Bullies' and 'abusive' are not massively helpful terms if so. They are all very little and learning. Of course that isn't acceptable behaviour, and horrible for your poor dd, but I can't help thinking that you're not doing her any favours by looking at her as a 'delicate' 'princess'.
did you speak to the boys? what was their reaction? Are nursery being supportive?
I think you're right not to walk away, especially at this stage. She needs to see that it's ok to try to challenge and resolve this, because these things do arise, and giving her skills to feel more confident will be useful to her all her life.
And if the mums are close friends of yours, do you feel able to approach them again and try to find a way to stop this together?

MollieO Mon 08-Jun-09 22:19:08

Your dd is 3 not 13. She needs you to protect and support her, not to deliberately put her in situations that upset her.

The nursery situation is different and it is for them to deal with and for you to ensure it is dealt with. Why on earth would you compound your dd's distress by seeing these children outside of nursery as well?

I'm not sure that a 3 yr old needs a wide circle of friends tbh. If your friends aren't dealing with their dcs behaviour then why don't you arrange playdates with other children from nursery and build up your contact with other parents?

ladyjeje Tue 09-Jun-09 08:49:14

the nursery is a preschool nursery where she sometimes spends a whole day from 9-3 or just afternoons.i don`t put her deliberately in these happens that these people are friends and neighbours.if i couldn`t resolve the prpblem i would have to stop contacting them of course.the boys are 4 years old.terms like abusive and bullies are acceptable for toddlers although they are sometimes too young to realise how destructive this might be to the other kids.

poshsinglemum Tue 09-Jun-09 14:43:24

I would tell off the boys AND the parents if I were you. This is disgusting behaviour.

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