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Please be honest - is this too much? re. DD spending time away from home at GPs

(20 Posts)
CrushWithEyeliner Mon 08-Jun-09 15:13:08

I will preface this by explaining the background. I had a very difficult birth 2 yrs ago, exhausting 36 hr labour, PPH, and didn't come around until later so didn't get the chance to hold her properly as I was too weak and being brought back to conciousness which took a while.
Rather predictably I suffered from PND and it feels like I am only really coming out of it all now she is 2. She has been really poorly with various things for these first 2 years and had had a lot of hospital admissions, didn't sleep at all for 15m bless her.
My Mother and Dad have been very hands on and helpful throughout as they say I have had a lot to deal with. They have my DD and I have some time alone to deal with admin and just get the house sorted, clean and do some cooking etc. They have her for 5 hours a day about 3 times a week - when I am with her we go to groups, play a lot at home and she starts pre-school in Sept. My DH works long hours but is helpful at weekends.

I have been feeling a bit guilty recently (mainly when at home in the bath trying to relax!) that perhaps they have her too much as I know a lot of my friends don't have family nearby to do this. I wonder if it is an odd thing to do and if I am being selfish. DD adores them and loves going but should she really be home with me more?

SingingBear Mon 08-Jun-09 15:19:28

Message withdrawn

Gateau Mon 08-Jun-09 15:19:43

Only you can answer your own question and I think your guilt says it all really.
Can't you maybe go along for some of the time your DD is with her grandparents? That way, you would get to spend time with her but also get some help.

nappyaddict Mon 08-Jun-09 15:32:55

A lot of my friends children go to their GPs every friday night after school and come home sunday lunchtime. That's probably about the same time if not longer than your DD goes.

Drusilla Mon 08-Jun-09 15:36:41

I think if you all like the arrangement and benefit from it then it's ok, and irelevant what anyone elae does. Think of the wonderful realtionship she will have with her GPs as she grows up! In a lot of cultures it's normal for children to speand far more time with their GPS than a lot of us do nowadays

PortAndLemon Mon 08-Jun-09 15:36:59

If you are happy, she is happy and they are happy then you are not being selfish. On the contrary, you've managed to find a situation that suits everyone and your DD is building a wonderful relationship with her grandparents.

I don't think your guilt "says it all" -- you aren't feeling guilty about the situation itself intrinsically, you are getting caught up in comparing it to your friends' situations, which I don't think are relevant here.

CrushWithEyeliner Mon 08-Jun-09 15:37:13

No they don't mind - quite the reverse. I do go along for some off the time when I drop her off. I think I feel a bit bad because she sometimes cries when she has to come home, only for a minute but she loves it so much with them. Thanks SB your words make me feel better about the situation. smile

CrushWithEyeliner Mon 08-Jun-09 15:39:36

Thank you. Yes we have a culture where it is very much the done thing. Not so much the same in the UK, maybe that's why none of my friends do it.

Gateau Mon 08-Jun-09 15:40:38

I can't imagine wanting to spend whole weekends away from DS. In my book, weekends are family time. Having said that, DH works most of them sad but I still wouldn't ship DS off for the whole time.

mrspnut Mon 08-Jun-09 15:43:34

When my DD1 was very little I lived at my parent's home because of studying and working as well as trying to care for her and so my parent's cared for her loads. They took her to and from the childminder's, looked after her on their day's off and evenings etc.

When I left their house to live on my own with her, they still had her one night a week, every other weekend and perhaps one night after school when she started there. I then moved further away and they still had her every other weekend when they could until we moved again and were too far for them to make the trip.

As a consequence my DD1 has the most fantastic close relationship with her grandparents and she absolutely adores them. She's 12 now and has been on holiday with them a few times and this year for the first time is going to go on the train with her friend to stay with them.

Enjoy it, I think it's good for your daughter as well as your parents.

nappyaddict Mon 08-Jun-09 15:48:52

Unfortunately for me and many of my friends weekends are work time

francagoestohollywood Mon 08-Jun-09 15:49:58

Don't feel guilty. If they like looking after her (and I'm sure they love it!), and she is fine there is nothing to feel guilty about. Very normal around my parts of the world.

Gateau Mon 08-Jun-09 15:50:27

At the end of the day OP, if the situation suits you, your DD and her GPs, then it doesn't matter a damn what anyone else does.
If you are only feeling guilty because other people do it differently, ditch that guilt now.

bigchris Mon 08-Jun-09 15:50:38

yes for ages either me or dh were working weekends, it really sucks, it's not always possible for weekends to = family time gateau

Gateau Mon 08-Jun-09 15:54:25

Tell me about it, bigchris. But what I was saying was, that although my DH works most weekends, I still wouldn't be without DS for the whole time. It's still family time, IMO, albeit without DH.

PuppyMonkey Mon 08-Jun-09 15:56:41

Sounds like a rather lovely life for your dd. My two year old goes to a childminder/nursery four days a week. She loves both. But I wish she had grandparents to go to instead sometimes.

Good on you all. smile

bigchris Mon 08-Jun-09 16:40:14

ah yes agree with you there!

neolara Mon 08-Jun-09 16:47:10

If you are all happy with it, it sounds a great set up. Absolutely nothing to feel guilty about IMO. Your dd and your parents gain by gettign the chance to develop a wonderful relationship. You gain by having the space to cope with what sounds like a pretty traumatic and stressful two years.

CrushWithEyeliner Mon 08-Jun-09 17:05:41

I think your part of the world may be my part too Franca...

Thanks all, I think us Mums are always feeling bad about something! Feel much more relaxed about it all now your reassurance means a lot

francagoestohollywood Tue 09-Jun-09 20:30:03

Really? I didn't know that crush smile

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