grumpy dad syndrome ?(8 Posts)
haven't very long to post, but is there such a thing as "grumpy dad syndrome" my dp never wanted kids, finds it very hard to spend anytime with them, hides behind doing other chore to get out of playing with them etc. Its really getting down now, I fear his negative attitude may be doing long term emotional damage to us all !! Is this common ? I feel sometimes I would be better on my own ?
I don't think there is such a syndrome but I think quite of lot of parents who genuinely wanted children still use chores as an excuse to try to get out of playing with them.
Do you think your DCs have picked up on it?
How old are they? It might be easier for him to relate to them once they old enough to join in share his interests.
My DP really wanted to have a baby but more than definately has 'grumpy dad syndrome'. I don't think its that he doesn't want to spend time with her but I think he finds it hard to not want to put himself first IYKWIM. So he comes in from work and wants to sit on the settee with his feet up and watch the news and then sports.
And then at weekends will sit and relax while our LO has a 2 hour nap but then will jump up to hoover the car/do dishes etc the minute she's awake.
It drives me mad!!!! I used to think I'd be better off on my own as at least I'd be without the aggro but we have sorted out a lot of our issues recently.
We have a rota for the baby stuff and the dinner etc and it works well. I just don't think he realised how much I did while he did nothing.
If you DP never wanted kids though it could be harder to change his attitude. Maybe if you outlined certain things he had to do (like my DP does bathtime) which my LO loves so it helped him feel useful and enjoyed doing something with her.
Do the kids say anything about it or notice?
Interesting point that actually a lot of people try to avoid playing with their children by busying themselves with chores. My children are 2yrs (complete nightmare for all involved, just have to wait for her to grow up a bit stop screaming all the time) 4yrs the "easiest" at the mo and our son is 6 and it is him and his father who seem to have the most rockiest relationship at the moment. Husband has just confessed that there isn't anything he enjoys doing with his son, that his son just irritates him and winds him up and that he is not prepared to put up with his daft behaviour, constantly shouts at him, calling him an idiot and telling him he doesn't want to take him to the park or football club etc but is only doing it because he has to. I just find this utterly heartbreaking. He cannot seem to understand that our son is behaving the way any 6yr old would. I think he has to adjust his attitude towards him otherwise we are going to have one very screwed up child. I would have hoped that he could find some enjoyment with him being 6 now and past the baby / toddler stage but he doesn't like to play sports so he won't even take him to the park to kick a ball around.
I have an interesting situation. My husband is really into the kids...he does too much for them...is shite at discipline...they run rings round him...he is exhausted and looks like a right miserable grumpy git all of the time...he loves them dearly and is devoted...but is miserable and grumpy all the time...other people notice...I just wish he would "enjoy" them and lighten up...my oldest has really picked this up
That is about your six yr old. I can see that some people (not just men) don't really find pre-schoolers interesting to hang out with, no matter how much they love then.
There must be something they can enjoy together (once your DP gets over his negativity).
My DH doesn't like watching sports and the one he does to keep fit our 6 yr old DS is too young for.
But he is into computer games so they can do that together. DS is also beginning to be able to play basic fantasy battle games with figurines (DH's passion).
6 yr old boys usually hero worship their Dads so like whatever they like.
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