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Very very nervous - agreed to ttc#3. Please fill me up with positive stories about 3 child families

(35 Posts)
ilovespinach Thu 04-Jun-09 19:23:26

I had a really hard time when ds2 was born. Looking back on it, I had unrealistic expectations - expected it to be the same as when ds1 was born (long walks in the park etc which are not possible when you have a stroppy toddler in tow).

I felt very distant to ds1, ds2 and dh as I couldn't figure out how we all fitted together now that we had an extra child and tbh I felt a bit trapped. It didn't help that ds1 really didn't react very well to having a new brother. (I hope I'm not coming across as being mad).

Things got better -especially when I stopped bf (think the hormones do me no favours)and we are all good now. We have our bad days with fighting kids, but also many many good days.

I grew up as an only child and I was very lonely. This is something I don't want for my kids. Anyhows, dh said lastweek that he wanted another child. I have thought and thought about it and I am about 70% there. I feel scared to make the choice to have another child but if I did get pregnant would be happy with it, I also can't stop thinking what another child, if we had one, would be like. I hope this makes sense to someone.

Anyhow, this has turned into a long rambling post so congrats if youhave got this far Basically I would really appreciate any thoughts from people who have felt the same as me and also from anyone who has had a good experience slotting #3 into their family.

this is the longest post I have ever made!

poopscoop Thu 04-Jun-09 19:26:49

it is brilliant. And would have had 4,5,6 if I could have done.

GrapefruitMoon Thu 04-Jun-09 19:28:44

I have 3 and it's great! In my case though dc1 and dc2 have a big gap between them and are different sexes so there was potential for them to not be close iyswim (something I was slightly paranoid about as though I come from a big family there is a big gap between me and my other siblings so in many ways it was like being an only child....) Dc3 is closer in age to dc2 but also gets on really well with dc1 (they are similar characters) so it feels like he has really completed our family.

bohemianbint Thu 04-Jun-09 19:30:57


No advice, but will watch with interest. I also want a 3rd child at some point (but no way yet - DS2 is only 9 and not the best sleeper) but I have struggled with the relentlessness of it and often wonder if I'm a decent mum to two and if I struggle now, is it total madness to consider another?

How old are yours now and what is the age gap? Mine have two years between them and it's been fairly

TheProfiteroleThief Thu 04-Jun-09 19:32:49

We definitely feel like a tribe, rather than just a family now we have 3 dc iyswim. I think it helps if everything else is in place - house/job/money car. tbh I think it is very hard work (mine all have 2 years each between them) and financially was a bit worrisome. Your heart def grows though smile

ilovespinach Thu 04-Jun-09 19:38:01

ahh yes, forgot to mention ages ds1 is 3.2, ds2 is 17 months (21 month age gap). ds1 goes to nursery 5 days a week for 5 hours a day and ds2 will join sometime next year.

I feel that if we're going to do it, it has to be now as I don't want a large age gap between them. I did ask dh if we could afford another child (I am a sahm atm) and he said ''can we afford one'' which is his way ofsaying ''yes, it will be a struggle but it will be fine''. He then said that if we had another boy, it would be good as we coiuld re-use all the clothes.

bellavita Thu 04-Jun-09 19:39:29

I should have had a third, but I think my age gap is too long now... it would be like starting all over again. DS1 is 12 and DS2 9, but I am sure broody, DH isn't but I bet he could be with a little persuasion grin.

Thing is though, both babies were posterior and very large (well for me anyway as I am only 5ft). I ended up with c sec both times sad.

Good luck.

TheProfiteroleThief Thu 04-Jun-09 19:40:15

Our biggest expense was new car seat/pram and car (others could not be re-used and fit everyone in).

Then we had another bedroom, but a new bed was £££££££££.

Do able, but can be a strain. Are you an old fart? Could you wait and save a bit?

misshardbroom Thu 04-Jun-09 19:43:58

I have 3, now aged 5, 4 & 3. I really love it and would definitely second TheProfiteroleThief [hi, PF, not stalking you from Food board, honest!] about being 'a tribe'.

The children do squabble but they're very very close and affectionate with one another, and although they have friends at school and preschool, they rally round each other more.

We definitely feel outnumbered and I think we had to adopt a sort of Dunkirk spirit during the first year or two, just to get through, especially when none of them slept!

I was much more up for no.3 than DH was initially, and I think I completely underestimated quite how hard it would be, and how thinly I would be spread.

That said, it does suddenly seem to have got easier, and I feel more closely bonded with DS2 (my 3rd baby) now than I ever have before.

Also, DH & I are both from families with 2 children, so we didn't really have a blueprint of how 3 would work. I feel as though we've just had to make it up as we go along, but I'm happy with the dynamic we've got.

I can't pretend there haven't been days (esp during DS2's 'terrible twos' phase) where I haven't wondered why I didn't just stop at 2, but if I was faced with the same situation again, I would definitely choose three children again.

TheProfiteroleThief Thu 04-Jun-09 19:45:11

<<sings 'when you're a jet' and forms gang with misshardbroom>>

misshardbroom Thu 04-Jun-09 19:46:54

really cheeky question (and please please do not think I'm judging, it's genuinely interest)... if you're a SAHM, how come your older one does 5 hrs x 5 days at nursery? Is it something you chose to do to help everything get back on track because you had a tough time after your second baby?

Again, honestly not having a pop at you for this (with hindsight, probably something I should have tried myself smile), it's just an unusual arrangement.

misshardbroom Thu 04-Jun-09 19:48:58

[misshardbroom warbles tunelessly '...if the spit hits the fan, you got brothers around...']

sarah293 Thu 04-Jun-09 19:49:27

Message withdrawn

ilovespinach Thu 04-Jun-09 19:50:48

thanks for all the positive vibes

Not quite an old fart (32, dh is 37), but I would want to do it now so that the kids are close. I want them to be together and affectionate likemisshardbroom says.

Looks like I am talking myself further into this We also still have the pram, clothes etc

misshardbroom Thu 04-Jun-09 19:51:59

my DH was 37 when no.3 was born! He's gone a lot greyer since then, mind you...

bigchris Thu 04-Jun-09 19:54:04

is it the free nursery sessions they get once tey hit 3 maybe misshardbroom? although that is 2 and half hours a day, maybe lunch club too?

PlumBumMum Thu 04-Jun-09 19:56:20

I have 3, dd1 8, ds 5 nearly 6, dd2 2.7,

And I love it, no3 is mad though, she is like a little whirlwind round our house, def more outgoing than the other 2 were at that age, or I more relaxed hmm,
but dh and I sometimes just watch her in awe

Although always remember someone saying she wanted loads of kids and then when she had 3 she realised she only had 2 hands!grin

changer22 Thu 04-Jun-09 19:57:24

I have 3 soon to be 4 (under 7). I saw one of the midwives who came to me after the first 2 were born and told her I was expecting number 4 (she has 4) and she maintained that 2 was the hardest number.

3 isn't as intense as 2. Plus I think that by the time people get around to 3 or 4, some are at school/nursery - the day is more structured and you know more people.

2 under 2 for example is just a slog!

TheProfiteroleThief Thu 04-Jun-09 19:58:17

you are clearly not old fart

ilovespinach Thu 04-Jun-09 19:58:28

not at all mhb. I live in Germany. Here it's common for kids from 2 onwards to go to kindergarden (I just called it nursery to make it less foreign sounding) - some go for the full day, ds1 goes for half a day. Every child I know goes to kindergarden irrespective (sp) if their mom is a sahm or not. I didn't think it was unusual.

If ds1 didn't go, he would have no interaction with German children and
the German language as dh and I are both English and our German isn't great. He really enjoys it to.

TheProfiteroleThief Thu 04-Jun-09 19:59:07

dh was 44 when dd3 arrived. dd3 is a moo bag!

bigchris Thu 04-Jun-09 20:01:40

sorry ilovespinach, do you mind me asking is it free?
do they have toddler groups where you can meet other kids?

francagoestohollywood Thu 04-Jun-09 20:02:18

Totally normal for 3 yrs old to go nursery school every day in Europe. Here (in Italy) it's free.

ilovespinach Thu 04-Jun-09 20:03:41

thank you TheProfiteroleThief you have made my day

misshardbroom Thu 04-Jun-09 20:03:53

aha, all becomes clear. Very common in Europe, my Slovakian friend tells me likewise. I work with a lot of children here who have English as an additional language, and it's amazing how quickly they learn when immersed in it, I'm sure it'll be the same for your DS with German.

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