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should I tell my daughter she is going to nursery when it clearly upsets her to hear the words?

(5 Posts)
beesonmummyshead Tue 02-Jun-09 19:40:25

hello. dd is 21 months old and has been going to nursery one day per week (8am-6pm) since she was 6 months old.

I work 3 days a week, dh works full time. On the other 2 days I work, dd goes to each grandparents house.

Nursey is obviously her worst choice for childcare but I want her to go. In fact when she IS there, she reportedly really enjoys herself, and always looks happy when I pick her up, and will tell me what she has done etc.

However, on the morning of nursery itself I always tell her "nursery today" and remind her throughout the morning and when we leave the house where we are going. Everytime I mention nursery she has a complete meltdown, screaming and shouting "no like it"

DH thinks we are upsetting her by telling her, and that we should not mention it in the morning at all, as she will know full well where we ae going. I feel this would be destroying her trust in us, as it would feel to me like I was tricking her.

what should we do?

bigchris Tue 02-Jun-09 19:42:28

she tells you at 21 months what she did?
crikey I have trouble getting my 5 yr old to tell me what he did at school wink

tbh I think one day a week is pretty pointless, they don't get chance to form a proper relationship or attachment to the staff
what about either 2 days or 2 days with one grandparent?

NorkilyChallenged Tue 02-Jun-09 20:51:00

My dd has always been like this. I feel I don't want to lie to her but I don't offer hte info. She used to do 1 day a week, then upped to 2 and now she does 3. If she asks what we're doing, I tell her. It does usually mean she goes beserk saying she doesn't want to go but I'm not going to lie to her or ignore the question. however, I don't mention it if she doesn't bring it up. Maybe you could try that?

If she's like mine, she will ask quite early on anyway so you will still have the problem. There's not much you can do. One thing that I used to say (just to try to change the mood a bit) was "well it's Friday and we always go to nursery on Friday, what do we do on Tuesday?" or whatever. She was much too young to understand the days of the week when I started this but it was just something to say and way to get off the topic a bit.

Good luck, I think she's happy once she's there from what you said. Same with my dd1 so you have to just stick with it. I'm afraid my dd1 just got more attitude the older she got. Yesterday she said "mummy I miserable" (she's 2.4 and I don't think she even knows what miserable means - I asked her why and she said the sun was too bright? grin)

lollystar Tue 02-Jun-09 21:32:02

My DD has been going to nursery since 6 months. At 3.5 she decided she hated going, but was fine when she was there. It lasted for a good 6 or 7 months where she would scream the place down and cry all the way there. It all came from no where so none of us could figure out what had caused it.
I think you're doing the right thing by being honest with her. I also agree with norkily about trying to change the topic of conversation when she does ask. Mine has no concept of time as yet, so I would say that I'd be picking her up after dinner (which was true, but it was also after tea). It did get better but it was tough, really tough watching her get so upset for no reason.
Good luck

GothMummy Tue 02-Jun-09 23:30:19

My son who is 3 1/2 just hates nursery and cries most mornings, this morning he was lying under the duvet pretending to be asleep. its pitiful. I feel your pain. I dont lie to him when he says "where are we going". He knows we are going to nursery. I just try to deflect the question by asking him what he would like to do when Im not at work.

Then go to work feeling like a crap mother, but thats another story.

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