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Am I just a wimp or are my 2 DCs in fact quite demanding...?

(10 Posts)
OlderNotWiser Tue 02-Jun-09 10:25:28

Arghhhhhhhh! They are driving me potty, and I do know lots of children drive lots of parents potty so therefore just kind of wondered whether its my expectations that need adjusting or whether I need to be trying to do something about it. Tho god knows what.

DS1 is 3 and a half and seemingly can't entertain himself. His favourite phrase is 'I don't know what to do.'He has had a load of new toys this week due to a friends clear out but he still mopes around, and won't play with anything unless I am with him to 'help'. His favourite game invloves me sat next to him while he tells a sort of story in which I have to do this, do that, sit here, sit there, hold this, be a lion etc etc. The ONLY thing he will reliably do alone is watch TV.

DS2 is 18 months and has been horrendously clingy since 9 months. He mostly wants to be carried around, although to be fair this is interspersed with occasional short bursts of playing quietly alone. But if I get up to walk to the other side of the room or to the loo etc he leaps up, and runs after me crying and wants to be picked up. At which point DS1 will come over too because he might be missing out on something and starts talking/shouting in my face to help him with a toy/read to him/play with him etc. In a way, despite carrying DS2 around so much he doesnt actually get much of a look in since DS 1 is soooo in our face.

By half 8 this morning I was already feeling ready to scream, DS 2 was walking round after me wailing as I tried to sort breakfast and get DS 1 ready for preschool. Cuddles didnt help. And DS 1 was just shouting 'MUMMY, MUMMY, MUUUMMMY!' over the wails because he wanted me to play with him.

Maybe this is just ever womans life. If so, I will just have to knuckle down (and up my alcohol intake!) but if not, where on earth do I start...? Opinions or feedback would be very gratefully received. TIA.

HaventSleptForAYear Tue 02-Jun-09 10:31:53

Sounds familiar... sad

I'm out of the house 4 days a week though grin

It gets better (so I'm told).

Actually true as DS2 is now 2.4 and much better although still follows me everywhere.

OlderNotWiser Tue 02-Jun-09 10:37:35

Had a horrible feeling it wasn't unusual!!

JustKeepSwimming Tue 02-Jun-09 10:43:56

Well i'm sure there's lots of it that's just the way life is (my 2 DSs are 3 & 16mo so pretty similar ages).

but...with your ds2 being so clingy, that has probably made your ds1 want your attention more.
so he competes for your attention anytime he sees ds2 getting it (even if you don't want to be giving it to ds2 but just to stop the wailing).

and ds2 probably picks up on that you don't actually want to be 'with' him (not in a nasty way, just that you want to go for a wee for eg) so tried even harder to get your attention, esp a his brother then comes and muscles in and gets it anyway.

vicious circle...

not sure how but somehow you have to make them realise that you WILL give them attention, one-on-one at different times. and that there are times you will NOT give them attention (so you can go for a wee, whatever).

every time you respond to the wails you are reinforcing it as an attention-grabber, but i suspect you know that?

what about when ds1 is out at pre-sch, give ds2 devtoed attention time, sit down, with no tv on, no phone/computer near by, and play with him.

if he gets used to being around, ready to play, he will prob start to wander around you and begin to play more on his own.

this will then help with ds1.

hope it improves, but generally i recommend the wine plan grin

OlderNotWiser Tue 02-Jun-09 10:47:40

Thanks JKS..glad the wine plan has been endorsed!

And yes, I can see lots of sense in your comments...its kind of where to start tho sad Hence posting here I guess, get me thinking about it all properly.

JustKeepSwimming Tue 02-Jun-09 10:52:57

phew, was worried i may have come across too preachy!

they are hard work and sometimes when both boys are 'verbally pecking' in my ears i do go mad!
tend to get up and go somewhere else for a minute!

ds1 will also reliably watch tv, so if ds2 is causing probs, that does tend to be my solution blush

(to be fair to me, ds2 has been recently diagnosed with epilepsy and was fitting irregularly and twas easier to let ds1 watch tv and deal with one thing at a time)

ds2 does sleep lots (does your ds2 nap still?) so that's when i tend to do 'older' things with ds1, baking, sticking, etc.

looking forward to when they can both be let loose with the same stuff!

OlderNotWiser Tue 02-Jun-09 10:57:42

yes, I found myself sat in the greenhouse for 5 minutes this morning with 2 small boys wailing at the kitchen window!! Deep breath everyone...

DS 2 does still nap, and yes, Ds1 therefore gets quite a lot of attention tbh. If anything it is poor DS1 that is neglected...he is an early napper and sleeps when DS1 is at preschool so we dont get much one to one time.
I think I do need to work on this.

(Sounds extremely reasonable to let a child watch tv if you are dealing with a fit..def dont need to feel guilty about that one IMO!)

ministryofsleep Tue 02-Jun-09 11:10:08

OMG OlderNotWiser you are me! I have 2 DS's exactly the same ages as yours and it is a nightmare here atm, I have just posted a thread about DS1's constant whining, and DS2 is also a velcro baby. I am dreading the summer holidays grin

JustKeepSwimming Tue 02-Jun-09 11:13:27

Oh yeah, who ever thought that stopping pre-school & toddler groups in school holidays was a good idea???!!!!

half-term was bad enough, lol!

desperatelyseekingsleep Tue 02-Jun-09 16:39:26

I could have written that OP! I have 2 DSs of similar age who act in exactly the same way (maybe it's a boy thing?!)I have been told by friends that my two are definitely "a handful", so I know it's not just me being pathetic - don't know if that makes me feel better or worse! Am just hoping it will get better once DS1 is at school and DS2 maybe, possibly, starts to become just a little bit less clingy [hopeful emoticon]

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