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Help me re-connect with my children

(13 Posts)
FlyMeToDunoon Sun 31-May-09 20:59:22

I have a 9yr old, 4.8yrold and a 2.8 yr old.
I am a SAHM and don't have family near. I don't have close friends where I live but I do get to visit friends every few weeks or so.
Money is tight.
I am feeling very bored and am distancing myself from the children.
I do try and do activities with them, especially the younger ones but increasingly it just irritates the hell out of me.
Getting a bit worried about it.

moondog Sun 31-May-09 21:00:52

You probably feel lkie this because you are with them all the time.
You need a job. smile

thisisyesterday Sun 31-May-09 21:02:54

does your partner help out much?
I find sometimes that when I am struggling with the kids it's because I have too much other stuff on my plate. ie, I resent spending time with them because I Know I have a thousand and one other things to do (piles of washing/ironing, cleaning bathroom, that sort of thing)
if I can get DP helping out more round the house I feel more relaxed and able to enjoy the kids more.

I don't think that structured activities are necessary though, if you don't enjoy them. I mean, I HATE doing painting with the kids and stuff like that. But I don't mind just sitting out in the garden with them, or digging in the sand or playing water games and stuff like that.
we also enjoy going for walks and finding leaves/sticks etc. just generally relaxed stuff where I don't feel I have to do specific things and there isn't too much mess afterwards lol

KathyBrown Sun 31-May-09 21:09:50

I hate creative stuff that entertains them for 5 mins and then leaves me with tons of mess to clear up, so I've decided the answer is to involve them in what I do like doing.
We go to the park a lot, play tag, run around and walk everywhere. It tires them out, gives me a clear head and burns off any negativity I'm feeling too.

FlyMeToDunoon Sun 31-May-09 21:12:11

My partner is great, he does bedtime usually if he gets home from work on time but is away from 8-7.
The usual house work applies and I tend to get busy with that in preference to spending time with DCs.
I can't seem to enjoy them.
I would love some kind of work but there are the usual conundrums over childcare, school hours etc. I worked part time over christmas this year and last and loved it but was aware that to keep that up permanently would be difficult.

thisisyesterday Sun 31-May-09 21:24:51

well, you know you could look for a parttime job in september surely?
won't your 4.8 yr old be in school then? and the smallest entitled to its free nursery?

that would leave you with a few hours to yourself for work

KathyBrown Sun 31-May-09 21:28:13

I find getting out of the house with them is the best policy if you stay in you're surrounding by chores and the kids ruin your efforts, it's a cycle.
Take them out every day to every mums and toddlers in the area just so it isn't your walls your starring at.
I don't think a job is the answer i find that just adds to the stress with young children.

endless Sun 31-May-09 21:29:46

supernanny did this thing once with a mum who said she felt liek you.

She pasted a photo of the child in the middle of a big piece of paper.
She asked the mum to write only positives about that child all around the picture.
(She had pnd i think at the time that mum & the kid had addh)
Any way she quickly ran out of room on the paper, the positives just came.
Then she told her that when it all get too much, she should get out the paper and read it.
I kinda thought that was a nice idea because i struggle with liking my son somedays. Yet i can nearly always think of something nice about him.

thisisyesterday Sun 31-May-09 21:34:09

wow that sounds like maybe the only good thing that's ever come out of supernannys mouth!

FlyMeToDunoon Sun 31-May-09 21:38:35

Yes DD2 will start school but DD3 will only go to nursery 2 mornings a week until January when her vouchers kick in.
I can think about pt work then maybe but ime jobs from 9.15-11.45 am are hard to find!
Anyhow its more that stuck with em, as I am for 12 hours a day I need to find ways of engaging again.
Do you know that feeling after you have answered the same question 10 times, given juice and it has been knocked over again, broken up a squabble again, put on Pingu and then Spirit because they changed their minds and then back again, cleaned the potty, changed the knickers....this is what I get stuck on.
Does anyone else feel that they would like to scream when DCs ask those questions again and then walk away in the middle of your answer.
Oh I don't know I just am sooo bored. Ignore me I will feel better tomorrow.

FlyMeToDunoon Sun 31-May-09 21:39:48

Hmm I was busy trying to write.
Sounds like a strategy maybe.

thisisyesterday Sun 31-May-09 21:45:06

you could maybe do something volunteering in those hours? if you felt that just getting out of the house and a change of scenery and (most important) adult conversation would help??

i dunno, we get stuck in the same rut quite often too and it is tiring.
I reckon find some NEW things to do. try and get out at least once a day, even if it;'s just in the garden.
I have just shelled out on one of those sand/water tables from elc as I had a 20% off voucher and it has kept the kids busy for hours.
but like I said ebfore, even just getting out for a walk, or going to the park or something like that is free and breaks up the monotony of the daily grind

FlyMeToDunoon Sun 31-May-09 22:15:00

Thanks for the replies.
I think I need to set my imagination to it and yes find some new things to do.
At least the weather is good.

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